blondenarcissa @ 2003-04-26 07:13:00

Current mood: nauseated
Current music:Hera Peligroso motivational speech on WNPR

I have been up pacing half of the night. I have a cocktail party to host this evening and I can't even bring myself to think on it.

In less than three hours I shall be back at the Manor upon the request of Lucius to form a united front to speak to our son about his behavior. I am incredibly apprehensive and nauseaus at the very thought.

It is unfathomable to me that my child could lash out to me in such a hateful manner as well as do and say everything he did late last night. Although everything stopped several hours ago I am still reeling from the evening's events. In addition to all the hurtful things he said, my child also lost all of the points for his house and had to turn in his prefect badge. Under normal circumstances that in itself would infuriate me but those things have been eclipsed by the things that he said. Perhaps losing his house points and being stripped of Prefect will help to get through to him but I am not certain.

What is there even to get through to? He would not have said those things had he not felt them. There is no changing how a person feels without their consent, Merlin knows.

I don't know how to handle all of this.

When he was younger we had a constant array of instructors and nannies that helped to mold Draco into the person he is today. I have always stood by that belief. But I can't help but to think that, aside from exuding aristocratic ways that he was learned, those people are not at fault here. They did what they could with him.

I was not ready to have a child when Draco came along. My mother never had any children besides myself and I was never around children. Taking care of an infant or small child was something that made me very nervous so I did rely heavily on the support staff at the Manor in his youth. Now that he is older and I feel more comfortable donning the role of a mother, I have been trying my very best to make sure that my child is happy and healthy and knows that his mother will always be there for him.

Maybe I was too late.

Is all of this some reaction to me?

Or is it a reaction to his father? Lucius can be so very hard on him at times.

Merciful Merlin I cannot concentrate on much of anything.

I need to refresh my drink.

Comments:

lupercus @ 2003-04-26 09:31 am UTC

Hello, Narcissa.

I think it's easy for people to point the finger of blame at the parents for a child's actions, whether good or bad, but at some point responsibility does have to fall to the shoulders of the child himself. He may not have been raised in the most traditional of environments but the fact is that Draco's nearly an adult, and it was his choice to say the things he said. It won't do him any good for you, your husband or anyone else for that matter to dwell on the past and the things that you cannot change. The best thing you can do is be a parent for him now, which you are doing, and all you can do is your best. The rest is up to him.

Feel free, of course, to tell me to get my hairy snout out of your business. I don't mind. Professor Snape tells me that at least once a day, so I'm quite accustomed.

I wish you luck today. Be strong, and be yourself.

- Remus

lupercus @ 2003-04-26 09:32 am UTC


Also, I am quite looking forward to tonight. I think you will do marvelously.

(parent)
blondenarcissa @ 2003-04-26 05:17 pm UTC

Remus,

I know I cannot change the past but, thinking back on it, I wish I would have done some things differently. I shall try not to dwell on it as you have suggested although it is doubtful that Draco may be able to do the same so easily if he is indeed upset over my actions in the past.

You are too wise sometimes, do you know that? It may take a while for Draco to allow me to help him with certain things in his life but I shall be patient as best I can. Young men don't often confide in their mothers so I suppose I have to wait until he is ready to let me know how to help him as I confess that I haven't the slightest idea how at the moment.

Your insight is always welcome.

I shall have to tell you later this evening what transpired at the Manor this morning. Suffice it to say, I am glad to be back at Dogear Wryde.

Narcissa

(parent)
purestblood @ 2003-04-26 05:35 pm UTC

I, too, confess to laying awake all night and wondering what I did wrong as a father. I never ever saw my father except when I was in trouble as a child, but he taught me early on that it's a harsh, cold world out there, and those who are weak do not make it. I wanted nothing more than for Draco to be strong, and I tried to make him so.

Somewhere, along the line, I failed. As [info]arithmantra and [info]lupercus are so fond of pointing out, I have made mistakes as a father. I don't know how to undo them, but you saw the results last night.

You have been nothing more than a loving, caring mother. I do not know what made Draco turn on you, my love, but his words to you were the most unacceptable of all.

Sirius has never been a father, but he's been a good source of advice, and always been there when I wanted to talk. I know he's got Remus now, however, and you've got a soiree to pull off, which you'll do beautifully.

Do not let yourself think for one minute that anything Draco did was your fault. Remus was right--he is nearly an adult and knew full well what he was doing and the consequences thereof. Perhaps the blame is all mine, and perhaps it's too late to do anything about it.

Lucius

blondenarcissa @ 2003-04-26 08:28 pm UTC

Lucius,

I remember your father well. He was a very rigid man and you do him justice by upholding the values and way of life that he instilled into you. I know that you have tried to do the same with Draco and I think that you have done as well as you could with him.

Please, dear, do not shoulder all of the blame yourself. We all make mistakes in life and I have not, I am afraid, been entirely not at fault here as well.

I suppose we should heed Remus's word and look to the future when dealing with our son, no? We cannot change how or why he did the things he did last night. We can only hope that everything will get better over time. I do not know when. I can only wish that they will.

Again, do not solely blame yourself. There were a lot of people involved in Draco's upbringing. I-

I have my soiree to attend to now. Perhaps we can discuss this later via owl post.

Narcissa

(parent)