| blondenarcissa @ 2004-06-30 07:36:00 |
| Current mood: |  contemplative |
In a few short hours Draco and I will be leaving Hogwarts to return to the Manor. I shall travel by Floo so that I may have time there alone to make certain that the house is in order and to arrange for a nice tea when Draco arrives. He shall be taking the Hogwarts Express to King's Cross and I will meet him there later today. Although he could have taken the Floo back to the Manor as well, I think it best that he leaves Hogwarts in the fashion that he left for summer holiday the previous six years. It is a tradition, after all. But moreso than upholding tradition, I believe it is best for Draco to be with his friends today for soon he will not have the luxury of seeing them every day. We have extended an invitation to Miss Bulstrode to stay with us during holiday and I hope she accepts our offer. It will be good for the both of them if she does; of this I am certain.
Come Friday we shall be putting my Lucius in his final resting place. It has taken a bit longer to prepare for Lucius' funeral than it would an ordinary one, for most people are laid to rest in the ground or something similiar and not a miniature pyramid like my Lucius. Throughout our courtship and our marriage, we would often take a Portkey to Egypt to sup on hamam mahshi bi burghul and drink the most exquisite karkady whilst watching the sun dip down below the pyramids as it set. Pharoahs, pyramids, and the like always fascinated Lucius and the way his eyes would light up when we would discuss such things always brought a smile to my face.
That was my Lucius--the one who would hold intellectual conversations with me, the one who would be sure to brush his hand against mine at a busy social event to both reassure me and show his concern for me, the one who would be quick to respond to any problems that our son had, the one who held his family above all else first and foremost.
Lucius was many things to many people but I have to say that none of you knew him as I...and that is a shame. That is a shame but it is not mine to bear for I had my time with Lucius and I made the most of what time we did have together. Friend, Partner, Father, Husband. He was all of these things and more. Some things that people may have thought he was, he was not while other things some people may have thought he was not, he was. The truth in all of this, however, is that it does not matter. It does not matter what 'people' thought or think about Lucius. It only matters what Draco and I think about him. Lucius was a complicated man in a complicated world but he did the best he could and what he thought was right. I cannot fault anyone for following their own instincts. I can only commend them for being passionate and loyal, even if no one else can find good in their actions. I find that the sort of passion and loyalty Lucius upheld ought to be praised.
As for Remus...since my conversation with Sirius, I have tried many times to write down my feelings in regards to what happened to him and what he meant to me as a friend and cousin but I fear that I cannot get the proper words out. Remus meant so very much to me and I should be able to pay proper tribute to him in words but I am having difficulty doing so. Beside Lucius, Remus was my first true friend. He was my first true friend and now he is gone and I don't know how to process all of this. Lucius was my friend but also my husband. Remus was my friend but also my blood. I lost pieces of my heart the day they claimed one another's lives. The pieces that I lost have likely floated away, no more heavy than dust in the wind.
The wind will be pleasant on my face this summer when Draco and I go flying and maybe, just maybe, I might find some of those pieces again.
Comments:
| blondenarcissa @ 2004-06-30 04:30 pm UTC |
I miss him as well, Draco...terribly so. I am so very glad that I still have you, though.
(parent)| blondenarcissa @ 2004-06-30 04:43 pm UTC |
When you are settled in at the Manor this evening, I have some of your father's things to give you that he would have liked you to have.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-06-30 05:07 pm UTC |
All right. I must admit I'm rather concerned about the idea of taking apart Father's things, as I feel as though I shouldn't take them. Though I do suppose it shall be better than your going through them by yourself.
(parent)| blondenarcissa @ 2004-06-30 05:10 pm UTC |
We don't have to do it tonight if you don't want to, Draco. I can understand that you don't feel you ought to take your father's things, but some of them are family heirlooms or other items that hold special meaning to him. When you feel ready to look at your father's things, I will be right there with you.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-06-30 05:12 pm UTC |
It isn't precisely that I don't feel I ought to have them so much as the fact that taking them means there's no longer anyone for them to belong to besides me.
(parent)