la_pensee @ 2002-07-31 14:10:00

Seeing the Real Me
It has been such a long time since I've looked at myself, not painted up with a mask of makeup. Just looking at the simplicity of my own features. Hazel eyes. Brown hair. A nose I was never fond of (which I inherited from my mother. One of the girls here just stopped in the hallway today and looked at me aghast asking me why I hadn't gotten it fixed yet. She even went as far as giving me the number of her cosmetic spell specialist. Perhaps I will take her advice after all.) One loses their taste for black lipstick and white powder when they sit in front of the mirror wondering why they are doing it.

I find myself alone in a dark room, sulking, dwelling, obsessing, and I've realized that I'm tired of it. That's the kind of mindset that got me sent to Beauxbatons in the first place... and Merlin knows I hate it here. I no longer want to stand still letting the world pass me by while I wither up old, bitter, and all alone.

You realize at some point that you must stand on your own feet, and that you must not only stand, but take those first steps. Learn to walk - learn to run - that's what I must do.

I'm trying to figure out what I want beyond things that are now clear I cannot have. I do not believe in never trying for things that appear hard to achieve... but I now understand that there are some things you are simply not meant to have and you must let go.

The world offers so much more than you. It makes me laugh that I didn't see it before.

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