| jadedsirius in nocturne_alley @ 2002-06-30 22:18:00 |
Well, by now you've all either heard about it, or were there to witness it yourself. They say that putting things down in words helps work through things, and I certainly need some help with that. So, contrary to all accounts, here is what happened.
I was at the Three Broomsticks, as was a good portion of the Hogwarts population, seeing as it was a Hogsmeade weekend and we all needed a bit of a break. I was there with my dear Remus, who has had to endure entirely too much adolescent behaviour from me as of late. But I digress.
Remus and I were enjoying a quiet dinner, inasmuch as is possible with half your students watching surreptitiously out of the corner of their eyes at you. Though I am certainly used to all eyes upon me, it is disconcerting at times. Anyway. I was also studiously trying to ignore our resident budding alcoholic at an adjacent booth. Yes, of course I refer to the Potions master himself, Severus Snape, who was sitting with his usual partners in crime, "Madames" Hooch and Sinistra, and they were well into their cups by then. Snape kept flinging these disgusted looks over at Remus and I... really we weren't even holding hands, it wasn't as if we were snogging in public or anything (although I'm not talking about what happened under the table, out of sight of impressionable eyes).
Well, finally I got fed up with it all. It's not as if the man is a complete prude, we all know about the dreaded Malfoy toga parties he cheerfully attends. I felt his sneering looks were offending my lover, and I had to defend his honor. No, Remus, I am not suggesting this was your fault, or I got involved in this on your behalf. I sincerely apologize for involving you at all.
So I walked over to his table, and merely commented on the fact that it might be easier on his career and his liver if he laid off the booze once in a while. It was all in concern for him, after all. Well, you might have thought I had insulted his manhood or his ancestry; the man went absolutely insane. He stood up, or tried to; in his inebriated state it was obviously quite difficult for him. He stumbled round the table and began to shout incoherently at me, calling me a slut or tart or some such idiocy. Naturally, I responded with a few much more witty rejoinders, which only seemed to enrage him more. Then it happened: he slapped me. Severus Snape, potions master, head of Slytherin House of the distinguished Hogwarts School, bitch slapped me. Quite weakly, I might add, but he did strike the first blow, and there were many witnesses to this fact. I felt pity for him, of course, and tried to merely push him away without any retaliation, but Snape was having none of it. He charged back at me like a maddened bull and I was forced to defend myself. I stepped aside and let his own drunken momentum carry him past me, unfortunately propelling him into another couple's dinner. With nary an apology, he was back at me, grabbing a carafe of what looked like quite a nice merlot and throwing it all over my new white silk shirt. Well, that was uncalled for. Naturally, I had to take the shirt off immediately, before the wine stained my flawless skin. So there I was, unarmed and half naked, facing down a dangerously drunken Snape in only my perfectly tailored, quite flattering leather trousers. I believe I heard a few cheers from the audience we had gathered by now, but I digress once again.
By now, the couple whose dinner Snape had so summarily ruined were now shouting angrily at us, and Madam Rosemerta had come over to try to calm them down. More people were getting involved, but I could only concentrate on the angered wizard who obviously was trying to kill me. He charged again, and this time I couldn't get out of the way. Snape sent me flying over the back of a booth, and I landed right in the lap of a gentleman whose date looked less than pleased by my appearance. Well, at least I didn't land on her; I suspect I would have asphyxiated from her perfume. Then Snape was coming after me again; the man wouldn't give up. He climbed right over the adjacent booth and charged after me. I was forced to hit him, finally, though I am generally loathe to use my superior strength against one so much weaker than me. Of course, he staggered back from the blow, clutching his generous nose, and upset another table or two. By then the place had erupted into utter chaos, but Snape didn't even notice.
It went on; mostly I adopted a defensive posture and dodged Snape as he attempted to kill me. Obviously he was working out years of frustration and anger. Finally, I suppose Rosemerta had had enough and the wizarding police were called in. Despite my best attempts at explaining that I was, as usual, just an innocent victim, the police would have none of it and dragged a number of us off to jail.
As if it wasn't bad enough, to be arrested like a common criminal... then Albus showed up, and bailed everyone out... except me and Snape! He said some rubbish about us sorting out our feelings and left us to rot there! Stuck. In a cell. With Severus Snape.
The rest of the evening was a complete and utter nightmare. I was reminded unpleasantly of Azkaban. The intervening hours I do not even wish to discuss.
Finally, Dumbledore deigned to free us. I need a shower.
~Sirius
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