| potions_master in nocturne_alley @ 2002-07-01 01:50:00 |
| Current mood: | injured and moody |
| Current music: | the sound of my throbbing headache |
a fistfull of galleons
I have just spent the most miserable twenty-four hours of my life. And, if you consider just how bad my life has been up until now, that's saying something.
It all started easily enough. A Hogsmeade weekend. Simple thing, really. Albus insisted that all faculty members vacate Hogwarts grounds for some mysterious "maintenance work." In situations like this, it is all you can do to make the best of a dull state of affairs. After making the usual stops to the bookshop and the apothecary's to restock on basic ingredients, Hooch, Sinistra and I made our way back to the Three Broomsticks.
We were having a most pleasant conversation about the advantages of martial discipline in our educational institutions when lo and behold, Sir Martyr and Mr. Dull came strolling in the door and proceeded to take up the table directly adjacent to ours.
I felt that this was just rude. It was early in the evening, as we were only on our fourth round of butterbeer - which means that the Three Broomsticks still had a substantial number of free tables to choose from. More importantly, there were a number of empty tables and booths that were far away from ours. Good manners dictate that unless you have no choice, that you allow others their personal space for privacy sake. However, I decided not to allow those two to spoil what was starting to become a pleasant evening.
I believe it may have been between rounds five and six when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw some mysterious hand movements under the table. I, of course, stared (being into the sixth round, you see) and pointed this out to Hooch and Sinistra. They saw what I saw, and let's just say that the words "get a room" must have had no meaning to Black and Lupin. It was enough to make me lose my lunch, if I had eaten lunch to begin with.
If I'm going to be completely honest, perhaps I can admit that I may have been a bit vocal about their public display. But honestly, two adults should know better than to engage in suggestive acts when in the company of mere children. It was a disgrace.
Black took exception to my objections and waltzed over to our table to lecture me on the disadvantages of alcohol. To a certain extent, he was correct. However, this sermon was just a set up so that he could insult my manhood. He theorized that I drank butterbeer to cover up the fact that I had an astonishingly low amount of virility. How dare he? It could not be borne. I did what any honorable wizard would have done.
I did try to make him apologize, but the man refused to admit that he had grievously insulted me. He then suggested that perhaps my parents were never married and that my family was descended from a colony of apes. I rose from my chair (I must have risen too fast, as the room spun about a tad) and slapped him across the face. I meant to challenge him to a wizarding duel of honor, however things became a bit of a blur.
Black pushed me violently against the wall and pinned me there with the weight of his body. Once again, I found myself in disgustingly close quarters with this infuriating man. I, of course, tried to reason with the man to unhand me, but he wouldn't listen. He reached up and pulled my hair! Yes, my slap may not have been as effective as I may have liked, but the man resorted to pulling hair. What a bloody ponce.
I could bear it no longer. Black was obviously spoiling for a fight, so I could only accommodate him. I remember launching myself at him. He resorted to doing this fandango style dance maneuver in his attempt to evade my attack. So, naturally I missed and ended up in some unfortunate couple's meatloaf.
Black laughed and proceeded to insult Slytherin yet again, so I grabbed the nearest object and threw it at him. Of course, it happened to be wine that ended up all over his clothes. I always said Black would strip on any pretense, and I was proven correct again. Oh, Sir Martyr made a big production about how his shirt was "absolutely ruined" and that it was "one hundred percent indian silk". You'd think I threw a vital organ at him.
He looked a right git standing there shirtless in his synthetic leather trousers. By now, there were several angry customers and Rosmerta arguing and trying to get between Black and me. Black gave me a smug arched eyebrow look and I just had to wipe that off his pitiable face. So I charged at him and sent him flying. Things became a bit of a blur after he landed a lucky punch to my patrician nose, but I do recall Sir Martyr beating his chest and letting out a war cry. Is the man even capable of leaving behind his exhibitionism for one bloody fight? Apparently not.
Chaos ensued as wizard turned against wizard, witch against witch, student against student. I seem to remember staggering after an indeterminate amount of time to land another hit on Black, who was understandably a big mess himself. Then I remember hands restraining me, and upon looking up, restraining Black too.
I looked towards the door to see Albus standing there with crossed arms. I may have felt a bit faint, but I had the presence of mind to take in the disaster of the whole tavern. Nothing was left unturned. Nothing escaped being broken. Everything was in absolute shambles. People were limping about, students were crying like orphans, I believe I imagined Black the Grim licking his wounds. Serves the mangy cur right.
The whole groups was apparated to the local jail. Well, to add insult to injury, Albus arranged for bail for everyone save Black and myself. And in an inspired touch of hell, he had the law enforcement officials lock the both of us in one room with only a thin opening on the door as light. I felt like I was in an Alexandre Dumas novel. All that we needed was a bloody leak in the ceiling and a rock with a jagged edge so we could dig our way to escape.
For the rest of my life, I will remember Albus' departing words, "And you will stay there until you can both work together. You are both acting like undisciplined harpies. Good night, gentlemen."
Let me tell you, being locked in a cell with barely one torch for light with only Sirius Black as company would drive many people to insanity. To add insult to injury, there was only one mattress in the cell and only one blanket. We argued once again who would get the blanket and of course Black challenged me to an arm-wrestling match. I fear that my wrist will never be the same. And of course, when I expressed my displeasure, it brought the attention of the warden, who proceeded to shrink the mattress down to where two people could barely fit.
We spent the evening bitterly insulting each other, which was only tempered by the fact that my right eye was beginning to swell shut. I have to admit to some amount of satisfaction that Black's nose had swollen to the size of an avocado. Beastly things, avocados.
Albus just arrived an hour ago to bail us out, and he said he only did so because he was not able to find substitute teachers at such short notice. I am very unamused. He has sentenced the both of us to attend anger management therapy. Looks like I'm stuck with Black in my foreseeable future.
My eye still hurts.
Comments:
| purestblood @ 2002-07-01 12:09 am UTC |
Dearest Severus,
Please allow me to extend the comforts of Malfoy Manor to you as you recuperate. You've suffered a horrific trauma, but a few days at the Manor will set you to rights, I am sure. I can call in a mediwizard with a background in plastics, whom Narcissa has used many times with quite good results.
I will await your reply. All the comforts of the Manor are yours to avail yourself of.
Lucius
| potions_master @ 2002-07-01 12:29 am UTC |
Lucius,
Words cannot express how welcome your offer of hospitality is. I would be most happy to accept your invitation. I shall arrive on Friday afternoon if that is convenient for you.
-Severus
| jadedsirius @ 2002-07-01 12:47 am UTC |
Snape: You forget, of course, that Dumbledore has insisted we spend all our free time together in "anger management." I have no wish to be anywhere near you, of course. But he has decreed it.
Interesting but deluded version of events, by the way.
~Sirius
| potions_master @ 2002-07-01 12:52 am UTC |
I shall be more than happy to provide a certificate from my therapist decreeing that I get time away from Hogwarts and mostly away from you! So help me, if you try to ruin my weekend getaway, you really will regret it.
This is only interesting to you because it is the truth. YOU have deluded yourself and you have attempted to delude everyone else with your prattling on.
| jadedsirius @ 2002-07-01 12:55 am UTC |
Albus won't allow it and you know it. He won't let me see Remus, so I doubt he will let you be with your little "friend."
~Sirius
| potions_master @ 2002-07-01 01:10 am UTC |
Black, did I say anything when you went for your sickeningly romantic dinner with Lupin? Did I? NO! So leave me alone about wanting to get away from you and everything you represent.
Just piss off and get your own life. Stop trying to interfere with mine!
| jadedsirius @ 2002-07-01 01:20 am UTC |
Yes, as a matter of fact, you did say something. That's what got us all into this mess.
And if you had a life, you wouldn't be so interested in mine.
~Sirius
| potions_master @ 2002-07-01 01:22 am UTC |
I said nothing about your romantic dinner with Lupin which you described with such lurid detail for the entire Hogwarts community to see. I'm sure you remember that one.
And as for my obsessing about your life? Who's the one that's trying to spoil my weekend when it hasn't even arrived?
Once again, leave me alone!
| jadedsirius @ 2002-07-01 01:36 am UTC |
Snape, damn you! You infuriate me. I try to get away from you, but every time I turn around, there you are! Now you have complicated my life once again. I hope you're not wandering the halls as usual tonight, because if I see you again I shall not be responsible for my actions.
~Sirius
| purestblood @ 2002-07-01 12:48 am UTC |
Dearest Severus,
Friday afternoon will be excellent. I will have your usual chamber readied. Please let me know if you have any special requests or requirements and I will see that they are met.
I extend my deepest sympathies for the events of the weekend, and if there is anything I can do to make your week pass by more smoothly, please notify me at once.
Lucius