potterstinks in nocturne_alley @ 2002-07-04 02:48:00

Current mood:enraged

Riddle me this, Hogwarts -

What sort of Prefect sets an example during a crisis by snogging a Weasel? That's just poor taste.


In other news, I have to report having found a stuffed animal, pictured here. It is absurdly tacky, and should probably be given to the house-elves to be shredded for making socks. However, as a Prefect, it's my duty to report this and find out whom it belongs to. There have been a few claims, but if this dragon really belongs to someone, I need to see proof. After all, I certainly can't go around giving it away to the first person who decides they pathetically want it. If it isn't claimed soon, I'll just have to throw it out, I suppose.

I would also like to issue a complaint. It's become clear to me that the house-elves are stalking me, and I demand something be done about this at once. I've already owled My Father on the matter, and he should be receiving word shortly.

To back up this statement, I come bearing proof. These are all paraphrased statements of the owl I sent to My Father.

Proof That the Elves Are Plotting Against Me.


</center>I The posts of my bed have been getting shorter and shorter each day. It was a gradual change at first, of course, but I'm sharp enough to have noticed. I've a suspicion that by the end of the week, my mattress and frame will be lying directly on the floor. Already, when I stand beside my bed, the mattress is at my knees. This is, of course, blasphemy.

II I have been receiving poorly written notes in my food as of late. Threats! I have been receiving threats in my food. Do you realise that this makes me eligible for the Wizard's Relocation Programme? And I most certainly will not be changing my name and moving to the Ukraine simply because of a few rowdy house-elves. They should all be given clothes for this.

III My monogrammed towels, as I have already pointed out, have been stolen. Now, this could be chalked up to petty thievery, but I think we all know that there is more to this than meets the eye.

IV After enjoying a relaxing bath in the Prefects' washroom last evening, I, of course, approached the mirror. Having used so much hot water, the mirror was completely fogged up. And written in the steam, by a finger, was, "u eet filth". They came in the washroom while I was in the bath! This is beyond revolting.

V My Mother sent me Turkish bath towels to replace the ones stolen by the Louse-Elves. I, of course, locked them in my trunk immediately. However, as I went to remove one the next day, I found it had been turned orange. Don't think I'm unaware of elf magic. They aren't complete Squibs. (This also, of course, proves that Filch was not behind this.) They clearly charmed my imported towels and turned them orange.

I demand that these elves are given clothes. If no one else will see to it, I will do it myself.


Evidently, Professor Snape was put into gaol after the escapades enacted at the Three Broomsticks (as well as Black). I would just like to say how courageous Professor Snape is for enduring a night in prison with a card-carrying member of the Friends of Dementors club. Having a prison record, of course, is a very good push for your reputation. Professor Snape, while already charmingly ominous, will surely be even more feared by Hufflepuffs now. Ha ha ha.

As for Professor Black: I must say, this is revolting. Prison! He was sent to prison for physical violence. What sort of example is this to set for students? And he calls himself a Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Clearly, Professor Snape should have received that position.

Comments:

just_harry @ 2002-07-04 12:27 am UTC

Fine, Malfoy, tell me when and where and I'll take Ginny's dragon off of your hands. You know bloody well that it belongs to her, seeing as how you STOLE it.

potterstinks @ 2002-07-04 01:04 am UTC

Oh ho! Going to come slay the beast, Potter? Awfully boring and predictable, aren't you? You want the ugly thing, you come get it. Lord knows I certainly don't want it around.

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knight_to_h3 @ 2002-07-04 04:47 pm UTC

Give my sister back her dragon!

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potterstinks @ 2002-07-04 01:17 am UTC

Also, Potter, I notice you haven't been posting in your journal with the best of regularity. And yet, you've managed to find the time to post in mine. How very thoughtful of you. I rather think you should keep your eyes on your own parchment. Don't you agree?

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missgranger @ 2002-07-04 01:28 am UTC

What sort of Prefect sets an example during a crisis by snogging a Weasel?

Oh, and I suppose stealing is wonderful example to be set by a Prefect. You can lie all you'd like about your motivations, but everyone knows that you stole Ginny's dragon. It was on her bedside in the hospital wing! You were seen taking it! At least I didn't cause any harm to others.

That's just poor taste.

Oh yes - and you'd be the expert on taste with Little Miss Every Day Is Halloween? I think not

potterstinks @ 2002-07-04 01:11 pm UTC

My, my, seems like someone got up on the wrong side of the sty this morning.

Oh, and I suppose stealing is wonderful example to be set by a Prefect. You can lie all you'd like about your motivations, but everyone knows that you stole Ginny's dragon. It was on her bedside in the hospital wing! You were seen taking it!

Tell me, Granger, if the thing really belonged to this Garland girl, why didn't she protest when I picked it up? Why did she let me walk off with it? Perhaps because it's not really hers?

At least I didn't cause any harm to others.

See, now that's where you're wrong. With much thanks to the Weaselette, we've all had to read about it on this abysmal journal-project, and I think that's quite enough harm to the student body for one decade. Honestly, do you really think we wanted to hear about that? Just how strong do you think our stomachs are?


Incidentally, the poor taste I was referring to was on the matter of your snogging in front of innocent members of the student body who are now revolted at the fact that they had to be in the same room as this hideous Public Display of Affection. What this has to do with the lovely Pansy, I have no idea. You may want to put the cat claws away. Not all women can look like Pansy. Particularly those who aren't born in the right direction.

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knight_to_h3 @ 2002-07-04 04:46 pm UTC

Hermione's a much better witch than your sodding girlfriend will ever be! Not all women can look like Pansy? Well thank bloody Merlin for that! If I want to hang out with a ghost, I'd look for a real one! Not some chalk-face, soot-eyed bean pole, talk about poor taste!

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potterstinks @ 2002-07-05 01:57 am UTC

Oh, what's that, Weasel? Were you talking about taste? Haven't you got a Mudblood to be spanking?

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missgranger @ 2002-07-04 08:39 pm UTC

My, my, seems like someone got up on the wrong side of the sty this morning.

You are so incredibly rude, it's difficult to fathom how you ever manage to say anything pleasant out of the same mouth. Wait a moment - I don't think you ever have.

Tell me, Granger, if the thing really belonged to this Garland girl, why didn't she protest when I picked it up? Why did she let me walk off with it? Perhaps because it's not really hers?

Her name is GINNY</i> and you bloody well know it! Do you honestly think you look clever when you pretend not to know her name? Try ignorant. She didn't let you do anything, Malfoy - she was ill and you taunted her and then took her dragon before she could call for Madame Pomfrey!

See, now that's where you're wrong. With much thanks to the Weaselette, we've all had to read about it on this abysmal journal-project, and I think that's quite enough harm to the student body for one decade. Honestly, do you really think we wanted to hear about that? Just how strong do you think our stomachs are?

Well, considering how many copies of Wanton Witch magazine the house elves have had to confiscate from under your mattress, I rather think you did want to hear about it, and most likely enjoyed it a great deal. Oh - the house elves found the Muggle magazine Big Butt as well - they give the other Prefects a report of anything confiscated belonging to another Prefect. Did you know? *smirk* I'm certain you'll have an enjoyable time explaining to Daddy just why you had Muggle "filth" - STRANGE, to boot - in your room.

Incidentally, the poor taste I was referring to was on the matter of your snogging in front of innocent members of the student body who are now revolted at the fact that they had to be in the same room as this hideous Public Display of Affection.

You were quite clearly referring to the fact that I was kissing Ron. Perhaps kissing the Ice Queen is such a sodding disappointment, you have to insult anyone showing even an ounce of passion?

What this has to do with the lovely Pansy, I have no idea. You may want to put the cat claws away. Not all women can look like Pansy. Particularly those who aren't born in the right direction.

The world is quite thankful that most women do not look like her. One near-death anorexic pasty-faced psuedogoth is enough for Hogwarts - and you, apparently. Although one does wonder if all this anger - you are constantly "enraged," after all - is simply a sign of sexual frustration. Perhaps you need to find something other than a half-dead veela wannabe to date, and then you wouldn't be so furious all the time. Who knows? People might even like you.

Well, that might be asking for a bit much.

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potterstinks @ 2002-07-05 01:52 am UTC

I see you've just learned the complexities of making text bold and italic. The Salamander Prize should be coming your way any day. And those links. How dually impressive. To a Mudblood.

She didn't let you do anything, Malfoy - she was ill and you taunted her and then took her dragon before she could call for Madame Pomfrey!

So, first you claim that this dragon is so beloved to the vaguely female Weasel, and yet, she was "so ill" from getting hit by fruit that she couldn't work up the strength to say, "Stop. Don't take that"? I think not. You may want to check with your Weaselette to find out why she really didn't take it back. That is, of course, assuming it actually belonged to her. In which case I'll be needing to bleach my hands, so do let me know.

Well, considering how many copies of Wanton Witch magazine the house elves have had to confiscate from under your mattress, I rather think you did want to hear about it, and most likely enjoyed it a great deal. Oh - the house elves found the Muggle magazine Big Butt as well - they give the other Prefects a report of anything confiscated belonging to another Prefect. Did you know? *smirk* I'm certain you'll have an enjoyable time explaining to Daddy just why you had Muggle "filth" - STRANGE, to boot - in your room.

Calling yourself wanton now, are you Granger? Considering the fact that I was fortunate enough to have missed the actual snog, somehow I don't think I wanted to hear about it. And considering the fact that My Father is the one who sent me that rubbish--that which you seem to know a great deal more about than me, oddly enough--I somehow don't think he'll be surprised. Don't think I've forgotten that I put them away still in their spellophane wrapping. And yet, somehow, you've managed to know what the rubbish looks like. Rather coincidental, isn't it?

Oh, and yes, the house-elves have been nice enough to report the things they've found in your room to the Hufflepuff Prefects. It's amazing how sweetly those Hufflepuffs sing, if you know just which buttons to punch. Are you really sure you want to get into what's been found in your dormitory?

The world is quite thankful that most women do not look like her. One near-death anorexic pasty-faced psuedogoth is enough for Hogwarts - and you, apparently. Although one does wonder if all this anger - you are constantly "enraged," after all - is simply a sign of sexual frustration. Perhaps you need to find something other than a half-dead veela wannabe to date, and then you wouldn't be so furious all the time. Who knows? People might even like you.

Well, that might be asking for a bit much.

Why, Granger, are you implying that I should be having the sort of sordid trysts you are? I like to think myself a man who has more control over his hormones than that. Frankly, I can't see the benefits of sitting down for a snog session on the floor of a tavern. "Half-dead veela wannabe"? You've quite a lot to say about Pansy, don't you? I wonder where all that burning anger comes from. And I'd heard Gryffindors were so noble. Charming, really... One might suspect you were jealous. Tell me, just how often do you think about the sexual activities of Pansy and myself?

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sinistra @ 2002-07-05 12:46 am UTC

Ms. Granger, I believe I'm going to have to agree with the petulant Mr. Malfoy. If you'd like, I can give you a re-enactment of the ups and downs in my personal life. Please do remember that the next time you decide to disgrace us all with mention of your personal afflictions.

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sinistra @ 2002-07-05 12:44 am UTC

Mr. Malfoy! If you must engage in frequent conversation about house-elves, do us all a favour and do it somewhere where we won't be reading! Try your personal journal. I know I won't be suffering the consequences.

Your dreadful display of Public Affection, as you say, for these elves, is quirkier beyond even your father's taste. Perhaps Lucius needs to receive another owl. I'll be sure to write this one out immediately, Mr. Malfoy.

potterstinks @ 2002-07-05 01:54 am UTC

Of course, Professor Sinistra. Incidentally, how is that leg-hair brush you received working out for you? I know I left it as an anonymous gift, but you can direct your thanks right to me. That's just my 'thank you' to you for hiking up your skirt at the Three Broomsticks last week.

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