| seekercho in nocturne_alley @ 2002-07-26 20:24:00 |
| Current mood: |  aggravated |
| Current music: | Weird Sisters |
Right. I'm going to be honest, for once.
Rheece and I had a big fight yesterday. Apparently, he's upset that I went to the Bleu Ball with him, but that I'm not interested in being more than just friends.
And when I tried to explain - he told me that I was stuck in the past. He told me that I shouldn't be Ravenclaw Seeker if my thinking about Cedric too much was putting me off my game!
I thought he was my best friend. And now it turns out that he cares more about Quidditch than about me. Well, for your information, Rheece, my personal life is more important than Quidditch. Cedric meant more to me than you could imagine - especially not with your views of what constitutes a relationship.
I'm sorry I got off track there. I know Rheece isn't reading this journal - but really, this applies to a lot of you. Nobody's cared enough since fifth year to try being a real friend to me. I've sat back and kept quiet while rich little boys whose parents can afford top-of-the-range brooms insult my broomstick - probably because they can't find anything wrong with my natural Quidditch skills. Professor Snape gave me a clearly unfair detention yesterday, just because some ink was smudged on my Potions essay. Apparently, he thinks that Slytherin ink smudges are worthy of extra marks - but I still didn't complain.
Well, I'm sick of trying to be so optimistic, and pretending to be somebody I'm not. I don't know if Cedric is happy somewhere. I can't even be sure if he is somewhere. I care about Quidditch, and I do want to beat Hufflepuff when we play them, but even more, I care about trying to be true to myself.
I wish people didn't have so many expectations of me. I wish I could just relax more. On Saturday, I had a lovely day with Ginny. We talked - about nothing much, really - and I showed her how to put her hair up with chopsticks. She was really grateful and sweet, and she made me feel that I didn't have to pretend everything was all right. I wish I could feel like that more often.
Comments: