potterstinks: No subject.

This has certainly been an exciting week for the Wizarding World. Millicent is menstruating and Potter has taken up his own flat, apparently in order to become an even larger hermit. I also hear he's developing a hump on his back. More on this as I hear it through the grapevine.

I had quite a treat of an experience the other day. Weasley accused me of treachery, and since I am always truthful, I naturally had no idea what he was talking about. Of course, everyone knows how Weasley is, anyway. He completely expects that everyone knows precisely what he's talking about all the time, when no one ever does. So, with that in mind as well as the fact that My Father has often encouraged me seeing for myself just how bad other people have it, I decided to Apparate to that hole they call The Burrow, where I found Weasley cooking his own meal. God, I'd no idea how miserably other people live. And it smelt awful, of course. You'd think that when one can't afford to have someone else cook their meals for them, at least they'd have learnt to cook properly by now. Potter, for instance, can make a reasonable attempt at getting something to resemble food. Weasley, on the other hand, seems to think food looks like paste. Perhaps it does in his house, I don't know.

Anyway, Weasley was of course referring to something I said in May or June as though I was to know what he meant, and I was so surprised I dropped a handful of jam on his face. Well, Weasley obviously doesn't allow for anyone to be clumsy. In fact, I was having such a clumsy day that I also inadvertently made his ears longer. Wands, of course, are tricky things, and they often have a mind of their own. For no reason whatsoever, Weasley took this as an attack on his person and blasted a sack of flour all over the place. There was dust. It could have got in my eye and blinded me, but Weasley's temper knows no bounds. Eventually I had to curse him in defence, so I did him a favour and changed his native language to Mandarin. Unfortunately, it would appear he didn't appreciate it.

The Burrow, I've found, is held together with spit and a prayer. I was afraid the entire thing was going to fall in on me. All of the rooms seem to have been added on as an afterthought, as I'm sure they initially thought they could all sleep in the same bed, until they got out more and realised that was a faux pas. There were pigs outside. Actually, never mind. I'm not appalled by that. In fact, I find it very, very appropriate.

Father and I went to Diagon Alley to pick up my school things, and of course we were quite disappointed in the selection at Madam Malkin's. Every year it becomes more difficult to find something there, but since I don't have much of a choice in robes for Hogwarts anyway, I suppose it's not entirely devastating. I'm certain it will be quite odd to return to Hogwarts and not be able to Apparate. I do feel sorry for the people who didn't manage to acquire their Apparation licences, as I can only imagine how embarrassing it's going to be when they leave Hogwarts and still can't Apparate. I've heard that several fields turn you down if you can't Apparate.

Pansy is looking lovely this summer, in case there was ever any doubt. It's unfortunate that she's had to spend so much time with various Weasley offspring over the holidays, though, of course, it's quite good that she's started herself off in the Ministry already. I've to send an owl to Sally-Anne Perks and have her parents get in touch with Father, and I'm sure Sally-Anne will be thrilled to hear that Pansy's been at the Ministry. I can't imagine why she's so afraid of Pansy.

perfectprefect @ 2003-08-30 09:57 am UTC

I am afraid that your statement (I was so surprised I dropped a handful of jam on his face.) makes little sense. Firstly, I find it hard to believe that you just happened to be holding a handful of jam. Secondly, I do not believe that you could drop a handful of jam onto Ronald's face. Ronald is quite tall and definitely taller than you; to drop something, it must fall down. If you put jam on Ronald's face, clearly it did not fall down, but up, and that defies natural law. With these facts in mind, I think it is clear that you are incorrect in your assessment.

Percy Weasley

percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-30 10:11 am UTC

Wow, Perce, that was really embarrassing.