| wehaveseven @ 2003-05-11 19:16:00 |
| Current mood: |  nervous |
Sometimes I wonder if I'm not the best mother I could be and after last night I feel even more sure about it. Ron and George and Fred tried to put Veritaserum in Lucius Malfoy's punch but it ended up getting into everyone's and we all just couldn't stop telling the truth. I'm not - I'm not a clever witch, and I don't know much about Veritaserum but Percy used to talk about it a bit when he got interested in it for awhile, he always has these fleeting interests, Percy, and I know only a couple drops will make you just talk and talk and that's all we were doing. Talking and talking. No one even had to ask, we just said things that were on our minds I think and I suppose I haven't had the best things on my mind, not anything I'd want anyone to hear but it's that way for everyone, isn't it? It's not just me?
I was in the middle of talking to Harry but he was talking to me too, and oh, Harry, if you want to tell me that story again I'm afraid I didn't hear very much of it because I just couldn't stop talking dear, and all I remember is you saying something about locking spells? And that cut on your lip? I don't know many locking spells but I think I could give you one if that's what you want, love, if you want to keep things secret I absolutly understand. I was in the middle of talking to Harry and I didn't even know what was going on until Arthur came running outside like a dog with a bone and told me to go check out the computers and then as soon as I found a free one I couldn't stop talking and I couldn't make myself get awya from the computer because my fingers kept typing, and I only type with two fingers!
It's true that Arthur and I were trying for a girl. Oh, of course it's true, but it wasn't the only thing we were trying for, I just thought it would be nice to have a little girl. First we had Bill and he was just the most lovely, perfect thing we'd ever had, we'd only been out of Hogwarts just one year and I was so scared about having a son but I loved Arthur so much, you know, I know sometimes I get cross with him but I do love him, he's so brave and clever and we got married and then Bill came along six months later and he was just perfect. I don't suppose you ever really know what life is about until you create another person, and you make them out of love and it's what I want for my children, I want them to have that feeling.
Then there was Charlie and he was just as perfect as Bill and I never wanted to leave them ever, and I know alot of people don't think it's a great life being a mother for a living, or a wife, but I love my family and all I want to do is take care of them and it's all I've ever wanted since I saw Bill and every time I saw another one of my children it's all I ever wanted.
Arthur and I never thought once about gender, we always just wanted our children to be healthy, and I reckon it was after Percy that I told Arthur that it would be nice to have a little girl. I wanted a little girl so badly just so I could teach her to knit and sew and do up her hair in all those fancy styles that I never really knew how to do anyway, but I thought that if I had a little girl I'd have to know them because that's just waht happens to mothers. And then I was pregnant again and we found out it was going to be twins and we forgot all about picking out whether it should be a boy or a girl and just felt so blessed to be having not one but two more children, a family of five and Bill by this time was turning into a little gentleman, and I didn't care about getting a job or going to the Ministry or any of that, and Arthur got his position in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department at the Ministry and things were going so well.
I wanted to be a writer once which I know is silly because I can't even spell very good, but I kept diaries when I was a teenager and I still have them, and well I read them now and they're not very good. Mostly they're about Arthur and picking out children's names and I picked out one for a boy and one for a girl, and the boy's name was Ronald after Arthur's middle name, and the girl's name was Transfiguration but then I realised that was a silly name for a girl.
When Bill started Hogwarts I thought I'd never get out of bed again because my poor little boy was gone, and it's not that Charlie and Percy and Fred and George being there wasn't good enough but I cried every time one of them left for Hogwarts and it's to be expected, isn't it? Is there anything wrong with that? It's just my children leaving me and they grow up and when they start Hogwarts it's only seven years until they leave and then they'll get jobs and won't need their fat mother so much anymore.
Ron was supposed to be a girl, we were trying for a girl and I can't lie about it because I've already said it but it didn't make us love Ron any less! He wasn't a disappointment at all, it was that we wanted a girl and we had a boy but that happens to lots of mothers, mothers who want boys and get girls and wanting a specfic gender only lasts until you have the baby in your arms. It doesn't matter anymore after that, and then we had Ginny and we stopped because we had our baby girl, but we also had seven children, one for every day of the week and that was what I wanted secretly after Fred and George, seven children.
I know I'm not the most clever witch in the world and sometimes I'm forgetful but I don't think there's a mother that could be more proud of her children then I am of mine. I feel sick that I've made any of them think I might be dsiappointed in them for being gay or for not being a girl or for fighting with Harry, and I love Harry but it's not completely the same and I feel horrid saying so but sometimes I do wish I could make Harry my own son, but I can't and I don't love him more than any of my own sons. I only wonder if I've done something wrong and that's why they're gay, if it's my fault Charlie is gay and gets insulted at work and told that he should go back to England, and that happened to him once and when things like that happen I feel like it's my fault. I feel like it's my fault Draco Malfoy said those things to Ginny and Fred and Harry and even Cho, I don't really know her but I feel like it's my fault, like Harry wouldn't have had to be in this hard life if I'd never love him because Ginny said I hold her hand too much and I baby her too much and it's more endearing from Arthur.
I'm so sorry, Billcharliepercygeorgefredronginny. I love you all with all of my heart and I couldn't stand it if you thought anything else, I just couldn't.
Comments:
| wehaveseven @ 2003-05-11 08:08 pm UTC |
WHAT DID I DO??? OH. Oh, George, I'm sorry but your icons look exactly the same!!
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-05-11 08:37 pm UTC |
I CAN'T QUITE READ THAT TINY FONT, DEAR. DID YOU SAY YOU LOVE YOUR MUMMY?
(parent) knight_to_h3 @ 2003-05-12 02:56 am UTC |
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LEFT FOR WALES WITHOUT ME, I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR HANDS DURING SUMMER
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-05-11 08:28 pm UTC |
Molly, honey, you are the best mother in the world, and the best wife in the world, please stop crying and come out of the bedroom because I've got tea all ready for you and it's just vegetable soup but I'm not all that clever and Molly, it's not your fault, I would be broken without your love and so would our children and I love you more than anything and the kettle's on, so please come out.
Your Arthur.
| just_harry @ 2003-05-11 11:13 pm UTC |
You're a really good mum. You shouldn't worry about any of it because all of your kids love you alot. And it's okay, I don't need any locking spells. I learned a pretty good one on Friday.
| blushcrush @ 2003-05-11 11:50 pm UTC |
Oh Mummy!!!!! You're the darlingest, sweetest, loveliest Mum in the whole world!! I love you! I'll always be your baby girl. :(
