wheresmytoad: No subject.

I was on my knees in the flower bed on the South Lawn this morning, setting out rhizomes of the iris we had divided, and I heard Sara come up behind me. She didn't say anything for a moment, and I wondered what to do. Then she said, 'Neville?' and the way she said it, I realised right away she was crying. I turned around and with just one look at her face, I knew. It was all over between us. It's strange how you can suddenly understand everything in just a split second, but even then you're too late to do anything about it. I understood in that instant that she was breaking up with me because she was getting back together with Jeremy. It's really odd: I didn't even feel bad for myself, not yet. Instead, I only felt desperately sorry for her. Because I saw it there, written all over her face: she's such a kind person, a gentle person. And here she was about to do an unkind thing to me, and it hurt her awfully to do it.

And I understood something else, too: I should have told her the truth. You were right, Professor Lupin. I should have trusted her enough to let her see who I really am. But I hesitated too long and now I couldn't do it. I can't. She'd already made her decision, without even really knowing me at all. If I told her now, it would be for all the wrong reasons: it would only be because I was trying to impress her, to convince her I was better than someone else. I think that was what Mr. Takakura was trying to tell me.

It's too late now.

'Guy told me you used to date him,' I said to her. 'You don't have to say anything, Sara. I understand.'

'I'm so sorry, Neville' she whispered, and I knew she really was.

I couldn't say anything else, and finally she went away.

artistic_flower @ 2003-08-19 04:39 pm UTC

Oh, Neville... I'm so sorry. I've finally managed to read the journals today and I.. it's so terrible, isn't it? People seem to be, well, I don't quite know what's been going on since I've been able to read.

But again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Padma

wheresmytoad @ 2003-08-20 04:33 am UTC

Thanks, Padma. It's just . . . well, anyway, thanks. I really do appreciate it.

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arithmantra @ 2003-08-19 08:47 pm UTC

Ah, my dear Mr Longbottom. Doubtless the last thing you would like to hear from an aging professor like myself is advice on a very young love-wound, but I must commend your forthright attitude over your present unhappy situation, and I feel certan that you will recover from this blow in time, as you have bourne many in the past. Do not fear the whips and scorns of love, Mr Longbottom, for you will find in time that the value of having cared for others as you have outweighs the heartache you must naturally feel as a result of your parting of the ways. I have of late been reminiscing upon my own youth, and all the loves I have known that have come and gone. I trust you will find, if not today, perhaps further down your destined path, that life is infinitely richer for the beauteous treasure of love, whether it span a lifetime or a heartbeat. Ah, l'amour, l'amour, c'est toujours l'amour. Good luck, Mr Longbottom, on your journey down the road of recovery. I look forward to seeing you in the coming weeks, ready and eager to learn as always.

seamus_f @ 2003-08-19 10:45 pm UTC

Oh, Nev, I'm so sorry. Sometimes, well, sometimes these summer things aren't supposed to last, you know? It's like you're a different person in the warm weather, or out of school, or something.

wheresmytoad @ 2003-08-20 04:32 am UTC

sometimes these summer things aren't supposed to last

I'd hoped this one might, though. *sigh*

Our plans are still on for this weekend, right? I mean, I'd really like the company. I'll do my best to be cheerful as I can, I promise.

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