| potions_master @ 2003-08-07 13:28:00 |
Fine.
Mood: irritated
Because I of course have nothing better to do than field inquiries from ignorant, obsessive little zealots such as yourselves.
Go on and ask your question. But make it good.
Edit: One question, singular, you cretins. I haven't got all bloody day.
Comments:
| hawkeyed @ August 7 2003, 13:37:14 UTC |
Just who the bloody hell do you think you are, Severus?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 13:40:51 UTC |
Twenty points from Ravenclaw, and go back to your own era.
(parent)| hawkeyed @ August 7 2003, 13:51:30 UTC |
I bet you just revel in your power to do that.
And you of all people should know that doesn't work on me.
No more questions. You answered them all.
| hawkeyed @ August 8 2003, 14:35:30 UTC |
Riiiight. I'm sure you do.
Well, I'm at 
thatwasthen, where most people are before they turn into great big pompous sodding windbags.
Severus.
| hawkeyed @ August 9 2003, 13:19:39 UTC |
Some people aren't capable of love for that which is rotting and barren.
Narcissa.
| reflections_of @ August 9 2003, 13:23:09 UTC |
I'm wounded. Oh, the pain. Xiomara, you have cut me to my very soul.
Oh wait, I don't have a soul.
Let's take this back to our own time, shall we?
| blondenarcissa @ August 11 2003, 07:37:56 UTC |
Retournez de d'où vous êtes venu, vous doppelganger bestial! Comment le défi vous essayent de s'insinuer à mon monde - et avec de tels stylings cosmétiques horribles aussi!
(parent)| reflections_of @ August 11 2003, 21:32:17 UTC |
Occuli tui sunt nimi longinqui de inter se et tuus matritum est fatuum plenum. Puditum est quod mutavi necesse in tuam.
Est MCMLXXV, mihi fucum est perfecte more fieri. Tuum est non.
(Te amo.)
| reflections_of @ August 12 2003, 12:42:12 UTC Also... |
Je ne m'abaisserais même pas à essayer de comprendre ce que vous avez visiblement essayé de dire. D'ailleurs, il me semble douteux que vous même sachiez ce dont vous vouliez parler.
Mais si d'aventure il vous prenait l'envie de recommencer, je vous conseille tout d'abord de passer la petite dizaine d'année nécessaire à aquérir un semblant de grammaire.
A bon entendeur...
| qwyneth @ August 7 2003, 13:41:13 UTC |
Hey Prof. Snape! I have a great friend, cute, tall, red-haired, smart, sarcastic, and who loves cats. She thinks you're all that (deep, sexy, unappreciated, brilliant, etc), and I'm sure she'd help with the feeding of Lilatou--she's very experienced with picky cats. Can I set you up?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 13:43:16 UTC |
I have already an adequate caretaker for my familiar. Just what makes you think I would leave my animal in the care of someone who cannot even spell her name properly?
Ten points from your house. Begone.
| qwyneth @ August 7 2003, 13:52:38 UTC |
Whoops! Dear professor, it wasn't for me, even if I did miss the colon. I'm sure you're wonderful, but you're not exactly my type. As I said to Mr. Malfoy early, the significantly older man thing isn't quite where I'm at.
And please, my apologies to Lilitou. I'm afraid I'm typing rather fast (hence the colon mishap).
| imochan @ August 7 2003, 13:41:27 UTC |
Hello Professor,
Only one question, actually, if you wouldn't mind. Desert island, no feasible way of escape, which would you rather have for eternal company: Lupin, Black, or a hot fudge sundae?
PS. !!!!!!!!!!!!!
 |
chibi_draco @ August 7 2003, 13:42:49 UTC |
What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Do you like it with whipped cream? Cherries? Sprinkles? Or perhaps you prefers malts and/or shakes to traditional ice cream?
I am curious, feed me some useless knowledge.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 13:48:55 UTC |
This is what you ask me? Insipid questions about preferred confections? Are you some sort of simpleton sent here to torment me?
I hate Dumbledore.
If you must know, the only sort of ice cream worth eating is chocolate. None of this added frivolity you Muggles seem so fond of. Unsullied chocolate is an experience I wouldn't expect you to appreciate.
Five points from your house. Go away.
|
chibi_draco @ August 7 2003, 13:50:06 UTC |
I hate chocolate.
Does Lilitou like ice cream or do you not feed her any?
At least I'm not asking you about your love life.
|
chibi_draco @ August 7 2003, 13:55:50 UTC |
That's sad.
Do you sleep on your stomach, side, or back?
What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use, if any at all? You might want to try a different brand.
I think this'll be it for me.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:07:44 UTC |
You have asked your question.
If you are not out of my sight in five seconds I will send you to scrub toilets with Filch until your arms fall off.
| corsiva @ August 7 2003, 13:49:38 UTC Wonderful |
Thanks so much Professor Snape for answering our questions. I have two questions I would like to ask you:
Out of all the potions you have ever made, which is your favorite and why?
And, what was your relationship with Lily Evans while you attended Hogwarts?
Thanks for your time,
MadamMalfoy
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 13:57:20 UTC Re: Wonderful |
A suitable question. I am indeed shocked.
I am particularly fond of the Draught of the Sleeping Death, as it is highly difficult to produce and requires a certain finesse you will not find often. Also, I find the Wolfsbane Potion to be rather interesting, as I should seeing as how I practically invented it.
Lily Evans was an acquaintance. That is all you are permitted to know.
| corsiva @ August 7 2003, 13:59:41 UTC Re: Wonderful |
Thank you for your response. I wonder if you could describe the effects ot the Draugh of the Sleeping Death. I am afraid I don't quite know all of it's uses.
MadamMalfoy
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:27:47 UTC Re: Wonderful |
I suggest you read again Chapter 547 of Moste Potente Potions. Any first year knows the properties of Sleeping Death.
Unless you are some sort of Squib, in which case you ought to go find something else to do with your time.
| ctrinity @ August 8 2003, 19:44:29 UTC Re: Wonderful |
Ahem. Not to intrude but isn't it Draught of the Living Death?
(parent) |
jgoreham @ August 7 2003, 13:51:04 UTC |
If you hate the journaling project so much, how did Dumbledore rope you into it? Surely there are other professors in the school, how did they get out of it?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:03:28 UTC |
Insolent brat.
I have many reasons for following Dumbledore's orders, none of which I feel comfortable discussing at length. Suffice it to say that I have no other choice but to acquiesce to his request. Other professors are far more fortunate than I am, in that respect, and thus they do not have to carry on with this infernal journal-keeping.
Don't you have somewhere else you ought to be?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:26:06 UTC |
Fifty points from your house for encouraging her.
| maggie_malfoy @ August 7 2003, 18:57:10 UTC |
*laughs* Thanks. Sorry you got points taken off!
*giggles*
| imochan @ August 7 2003, 19:14:40 UTC |
;D i prefer to think of it as not so much losing points, but gaining a sexual fantasy.
btw i am so joking. or maybe not... you just don't know, do you? :D :D :D
| maggie_malfoy @ August 8 2003, 05:26:05 UTC |
Well, I cannot see how Snape taking points off is a sexual fantasy. Now what it could lead to is a totally different ball game! *smirks*
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:09:58 UTC |
During ovulation, women become more sensitive to the pheromones of males perceived to be the most capable and thus the best providers for offspring.
Also, I believe there is something to be said for black attire.
That will be all.
|
childofatlantis @ August 7 2003, 13:54:14 UTC |
Professor Snape -
Have you ever considered (or are you in the process of) trying to refine the Wolfsbane Potion further so that it has more of an effect on Professor Lupin, and perhaps even goes some way towards curing his condition?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:11:18 UTC |
Not that the potion needs any additional refining I am constantly looking for ways to improve upon its potency and effects. I do not rule out the possibility of a cure at some later date though I do not know if it will be in my or Lupin's lifetime.
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 19:56:15 UTC |
Not that the potion needs any additional refining I am constantly looking for ways to improve upon its potency and effects. I do not rule out the possibility of a cure at some later date though I do not know if it will be in my or Lupin's lifetime.
More properly put, not in your lifetime, Professor, since Professor Lupin would easily outlive you should he decide not to take his own life sooner.
Then again, if death is the only option to escape your incessant ranting, I can see how it could be quite attractive.
-Alchemist
| qwyneth @ August 7 2003, 14:00:51 UTC |
Ok, a real question from me now, as I was earlier just trying to give your player a laugh.
Professor, why do you want--and why have you not gotten--the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:14:15 UTC |
My player was amused. I, however, was not. Do refrain from the use of humour in the future. You are inept at it.
I can only suspect that I have not recieved the Defence Against the Dark Arts post out of some diabolical and probably well-meaning plan of the Headmaster, which of course is absolutely outrageous as I believe I am the only person truly qualified for the job of teaching the skills to defend themselves to these idiotic little cretins, instead of coddling them into believing that mere quick thinking will get them out of whatever situations their stupidity gets them into. Practise is infinitely more useful than theory, and yet no one seems to agree with me.
Except for Lupin, but he does not count.
| jupistrahan @ August 7 2003, 17:56:19 UTC |
Two things, Professor:
First, don't you think that Dumbledore would be in a tight spot for putting someone who once worked for Voldemort in such a... precarious position? Dark Arts are a specialty of yours, I'm sure, but I don't think the Ministry would actually allow you to take the job, too many wizard parents would complain, I'm sure. In fact, I'm surprised you're allowed to teach at all, considering. Not that we don't trust you, Professor. You know that most of us simply adore you.
Second - you spelled "practice" wrong. Sorry, I just had to point that out. ^ ^;;
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 18:04:43 UTC |
The only way to defend yourself from the Dark Arts is to know what you are up against. Who then is more qualified to instruct the students in such than someone intimately familiar with exactly the foe they will likely be measured to?
And I am British, you idiot.
| jupistrahan @ August 8 2003, 09:36:17 UTC |
*dies* I can't help it! I was born that way! *cries* Please don't hate me!
(parent) |
charball @ August 11 2003, 08:16:53 UTC that's nothing |
try be canadian... half of our words are spelt the american way, the other half are spelt the british way.
stupid microsoft and their damn spell check always tell me i'm wrong when i spell colour or honour. so very dumb.
ur... yes. sorry. that had NOTHING to do with snape.
~char~
|
Anonymous @ August 9 2003, 17:56:45 UTC |
It is not the Americans' fault that the British cannot spell.
(parent) |
Anonymous @ August 4 2004, 23:29:59 UTC |
The British can spell, thank you very much, and only an American could have the audacity to say that the ENGLISH cannot spell words of the ENGLISH language properly, whilst proclaiming that Americans - who have so cruelly butchered our beautiful language - DO possess that ability.
And for the record, professor Snape, English spell Practice just as I have just typed. There is no 's' in the word.
|
Anonymous @ August 4 2004, 23:34:20 UTC |
The British can spell, thank you very much, and only an American could have the audacity to say that the ENGLISH cannot spell words of the ENGLISH language properly, whilst proclaiming that Americans - who have so cruelly butchered our beautiful language - DO possess that ability.
And for the record, professor Snape, the English spell Practice just as I have just typed. There is no 's' in the word.
| babytyggeryss @ August 7 2003, 14:03:27 UTC |
Dear Professor Snape,
Do you read for pleasure? If so, what authors are you particularly fond of?
Thank you so much for your time.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:15:21 UTC |
I enjoy the works of Wodehouse and Lovecraft in addition to H. G. Wells and Jules Verne.
| babytyggeryss @ August 7 2003, 14:35:48 UTC |
Which Wodehouse and Lovecraft titles would you recommend?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:42:07 UTC |
All of them.
There is no excuse to not be reading more than you are.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:28:22 UTC |
What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
The War of the Worlds.
|
neveth @ August 7 2003, 16:46:30 UTC |
Nobody expects the spanish inquisition.
Ahh. Thank you.
| 1anonymous1 @ August 7 2003, 14:05:00 UTC |
Since no one likes to talk of cucumbers...
What would you find in the room of requirement?
Have you ever been?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:16:25 UTC |
Competent students.
Or peace.
I do not know which.
And no, I have never been. I have better things to do than look for rooms that are not there.
| 1anonymous1 @ August 7 2003, 14:20:04 UTC |
Wouldn't you say you've already found such competent students in your slythernin students?
(parent)| imochan @ August 7 2003, 17:02:27 UTC |
TEN MILLION POINTS TO YOUR HOUSE!!!!!!!1!
OMG YES. >:D
| 1anonymous1 @ August 7 2003, 17:09:18 UTC |
Oh how I wish he were here to punish me...
Ive been such a bad, bad girl.
*pouts*
Perhaps he prefers bad boys?
| imochan @ August 7 2003, 18:13:15 UTC |
*rolls* !!!!
YES. OH GOD. Don't stop~
This is almost better than sex! >:D
| 1anonymous1 @ August 7 2003, 18:18:57 UTC |
Well, I cant stop when its so one sided...
Wheres my Snapey-poo?
| imochan @ August 7 2003, 18:41:51 UTC |
Busy telling everyone how it likes it nekkid under those billowing robes of his. :D :D :D :D
(parent) |
charball @ August 11 2003, 13:04:04 UTC Re: *faints* |
mmmm...
i suppose not.
love your icon by the way.
sooo much bloom lurve
*faints again*
| blue_lightning @ August 7 2003, 14:07:09 UTC |
Professor Snape,
As difficult as your past was, do you think it is actually possible to receive adequate justice for the trials you underwent? Is the thought of acquiring compensation of any sort for what was done to you still at the forefront of your mind, or have you come to accept that some unfortunate circumstances will never be fairly dealt with?
Do you have longterm goals of any sort, or are you happy with your present circumstances?
Forgive me if I seem to have many questions. You're one who, at least in my mind, has shown great strength of will and dignity, and is worthy of much respect. I do not ask these things out of a desire to pester you, nor to stir memories of a most unfortunate time period.
Thank you for your time, sir.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:20:59 UTC |
Your attempt to sound halfway intelligent is unsuccessful, though it has not gone unnoticed.
My trials, as you put it, were of my own doing. Barring the torment I recieved at the wands of my peers as a student (for which I have exacted adequate revenge over the years), other injustices I have had to endure have been brought upon me by my own hand, and thus I do not seek compensation. I do not seek anything except solitude and a lack of meddlesome old fools in my life.
I have reached a point of satisfaction in my life. I will go into it no further.
Good day.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:23:50 UTC |
There is not enough time nor space in these journals to list the things that I would change about how this school is run. The curriculum is at best mediocre, and the faculty less than adequate for what these students ought to be learning. There would be less emphasis on foolish wand-waving and silly incantations, and more study into the finer points of wizardry. We are at war - is it truly necessary for the children to learn to turn matches into pins or be bored stupid by the Goblin uprisings? I think not.
As for your friend, I have no desire to answer her first inquiry as it is entirely too silly, and the second is more a question for someone else.
| notapipe @ August 7 2003, 20:43:38 UTC |
But suppose that they had to determine if someone was a witch or not with just a match? That match to pin transfiguration might just come in handy.
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:24:52 UTC |
If you've been paying any attention at all, you'd know the answer to that already.
Since you have not, however, I will reply thusly: Yes.
| potions_master @ August 8 2003, 14:38:05 UTC |
I am merely communicating with them at their level.
|
dry_your_eyes @ August 7 2003, 14:28:49 UTC |
Dear Professor,
thank you for giving us a chance to question you. It's a real delight for us.
My questions are:
How many languages do you speak?
and
what's your favourite booze?
thank you for your time
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 14:33:43 UTC |
I speak several dozen languages, an am fluent in at least half of them.
I prefer absinthe.
| purestblood @ August 7 2003, 14:39:50 UTC |
I've just taken a shipment of absinthe from the distillery. You are welcome to come avail yourself of its pleasures at any time, if you so desire.
--Lucius
| purestblood @ August 7 2003, 14:46:48 UTC |
I am aware of that, Severus. No one I know has more exacting taste than you possess, so I am interested in your assessment of the distillery's products. I am not fully qualified to judge and must defer to the opinion of others such as yourself.
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:05:50 UTC |
Very well. We will arrange a sampling at a more convenient time as I am extremely far from England at the moment.
|
dry_your_eyes @ August 7 2003, 15:01:14 UTC |
I prefer absinthe
aren't you afraid to repeat van Gogh's fate? We're deeply concerned about your ears
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:04:50 UTC |
My ears will remain where they are. Do not concern yourself.
|
charball @ August 11 2003, 08:25:26 UTC |
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.
hehehe... watch your ears hun.
| aome @ August 8 2003, 08:23:16 UTC |
And, do you feel that absinthe makes the heart grow fonder?
*runs off before she can lose too many points*
Incidentally - Ihr Post aus Deutschland war wunderschoen. Es war eine Ueberraschung - hab' nicht gewusst, das Sie deutsch sprechen koennen!
| eponis @ August 7 2003, 14:41:34 UTC |
Professor Snape,
If you would be so kind, I have four questions.
First, why would Professor Lupin particularly appreciate Lederhosen? Do you yourself possess a pair?
Second (and this is a serious question, though I acknowledge that as a Muggle, my understanding is inherently limited): in what ways is magic required in the makings of Potions? Obviously, many of the ingredients come from magical creatures, but what prevents Squibs or Muggles from following directions to make a passable potion?
Third, what was the relationship between you and Lucius Malfoy while at Hogwarts? Did you know each other at all, or would you only become acquainted in later years?
Finally, the requisite love life question: on the night you, Lupin, and Black posted a rather drunken conversation involving strip poker and hands in interesting places, Lupin commented that you "always" choose to lose and take off your pants. Is strip poker, then, an event that's happened on frequent occasion?
Thank you. If you are ever deluded enough to seek a Muggle apprentice, do please allow me to submit an application.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:01:38 UTC |
You are all incredibly selfish, nosy people.
I simply thought that Lupin would see the humour in a pair of lederhosen. God forbid I attempt to inject some amusement into the man's life, all things considered. Everything becomes innuendo with you people. Sometimes, a pair of lederhosen is just a pair of lederhosen.
And no, I do not have a pair myself.
Any Muggle or Squib can throw together a batch of ingredients in a cauldron, but all they will wind up with is a pot full of poisonous, foul-smelling sludge. It is the magic inherent in a witch or wizard, and the competency within, that dictates how the ingredients work together in order to create the desired potion.
I was well aware of Lucius Malfoy while in school.
Finally, I have often been roped into playing some silly game with Lupin and Black from one time or another, however on the night in question I was far too inebriated on inferior spirits to recall exact events. Lupin is an idiot. I would not trust his judgement of the situation as far as I could throw him.
A Muggle apprentice would be quite useless, I assure you. Better luck next time.
| eponis @ August 7 2003, 15:10:56 UTC |
Thank you for your responses.
I am interested, however, in the fact that an innocent, openly interpretable question - "why would Professor Lupin particularly appreciate Lederhosen?" - was taken as innuendo. I was simply inquiring into whether there was any particular significance or past association. The fact that you immediately assumed a sexual reference is entirely of your own doing.
Also, a follow-up on your helpful Potions reply. (My education in magical theory is sadly lacking.) Is there a different amount of inherent magic in different wizards? Does it express itself equally in different magical areas, or could one wizard be inherently better at, say, Charms than Potions, regardless of their competency at the two?
Hrm. If not an apprentice, perhaps a scullery maid? I'd be happy to clean cauldrons and shred Boomslang skins in return for access to the Library. Anything, really. . . .
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:32:49 UTC |
I was referring to the lengthy discussion had regarding said lederhosen elsewhere in this community. You are none of you at all clever.
Magic is a talent. As is drawing, or writing, or playing the flute. It is different in every witch and wizard. It is not too hard a concept to grasp.
I am done with you.
| eponis @ August 7 2003, 15:41:19 UTC |
Actually, I hadn't read that discussion. Though I am glad to see you keep up with such things.
Although I'm tempted to critique your inaccurate comparison about magic, I shall instead ask: why are you teaching? For a man of your nature, herding schoolchildren and answering their questions is surely not a profession of choice. Am I mistaken, or if not, why do you choose to stay at Hogwarts?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:49:36 UTC |
Who is the wizard here, you obnoxious little fiend, and who is the Muggle? How dare you presume to tell me that I am wrong about the definition of magic?
I refuse to answer any more questions from you, as you have asked well more than your share. If you would like to learn more about the art of magic, I suggest you be reborn as something other than an ignorant Muggle.
| eponis @ August 7 2003, 15:59:15 UTC |
I make no claims about your definitions of magic - merely that the limited knowledge I have of the wizarding world makes such an analogy inaccurate. For example, certain areas and creatures (Dementors, for instance) are plainly visible to wizards and wizard-borns, and just as flatly invisible to Muggles, whereas no such clear and absolute distinction can be made between, say, writers and non-writers. This implies that magic is a definite, quantifiable trait, unlike artistic talent. Nevertheless, I understand that some . . . imprecision . . . is necessary for any definition.
In the meantime, I shall attempt to follow your suggestion as soon as possible.
Incidentally, you are sexy when you're angry.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 16:45:03 UTC |
You utter buffoon.
You admit that you have limited knowledge of my world and yet you persist your delusions that you are correct in your assumptions? The unmitigated gall of your statement only proves the need to keep this world a secret from you ignorant Muggles. You have a nasty habit of professing to know everything there is to know about things which you do not understand, and of believing yourselves to be righteously correct at it.
Artistic talent, to use as an example, is as much a trait as wizardry, and I will explain to you why - using small words so that your thick brain can process it completely. When an artist looks at a painting, he will likely see in the work something that someone of no artistic leanings would not. He will see infinite beauty, or a flawed practise. He will see the grace and dignity of the creator, or the unsteady hand of someone requiring more practise. An artist will see the things inherent to his world that a non-artist, either uninterested or simply bereft of the talent and appreciation, would otherwise overlook simply because they do not know what they are looking at.
You will never see a Dementor - and you should be glad of it - because you were born without the talent required to comprehend and handle and believe in what you are seeing. A wizard has those abilities. I suppose a Muggle such as yourself could be taught to wave a wand around, just as someone uncoordinated can be taught to draw, but neither of you will produce anything of substance. It must be in your blood.
I am finished with you.
| notapipe @ August 7 2003, 21:01:06 UTC |
Interesting. The question then becomes, however, can one stimulate magical ability in muggles? There is some preliminary work on creating savants, of the artistic and other conventional muggle persuasions. Could it be perhaps possible that, with the proper knowledge and equipment, one could simulate being magically adept? Even if they're possible, these artificial magic users would probably be far inferior to normal witches and wizards, but even giving them glimmers of magical powers would be amazing.
(parent)| eponis @ August 8 2003, 20:29:43 UTC |
Thank you. That was very helpful, both as an expansion on your explanation and as a demonstration of your teaching strategies.
Only one, brief question: you said that it is an inborn talent to believe in the sight of a Dementor. (This reminds me, incidentally, of a recurring theme in the later Chronicles of Narnia.) Your comment brought to mind your conversation with Black from Rome, in which you sneered at the desire to believe in what cannot be seen or quantified. To many, however, a religious experience can be as emotionally powerful as an encounter with Dementors and as vividly real as any magical charm. In both cases, inborn belief seems to determine whether or not we can grasp a particular world of experience. Is, then, some basic level of belief inseparable from our existential experience?
I do realize I'm far over my question quota, so I'll understand if you haven't the time to answer. I have thoroughly appreciated your willingness to share, at any rate.
Also, please send Lupin my well-wishes. I know you are doing what you can for him, in your own way.
| tiamet_nox @ August 7 2003, 14:46:52 UTC |
If Dumbledore asked you to, which would you accept? why?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:07:00 UTC |
What part of "make them good" questions was foreign to you?
| ifyouweremine @ August 7 2003, 14:47:16 UTC |
Professor Snape:
Thank you for letting us ask you questions—it’s very kind of you, and is much appreciated!
That said, my question is this: though I realize the inherent fallibility and handicaps of muggles in comparison to those who are magically-endowed, is there any modern muggle device or contraption that, in your opinion, is in any way useful to a witch or wizard? (Arthur Weasley, for example, has been known to express his profound admiration for staplers.)
Once again, thank you for your time and for your willingness to answer our inquiries; I hope you have a lovely day!
—Miranda
(Note to Snape’s player: Thanks! Also, I just want to mention that you do a wonderful job with your character—he is remarkably acidic, yet somehow I’m still drawn to his razor-sharp wit! Brilliant work. =o)
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:11:08 UTC |
As loathe as I am to admit that the Muggles have ever come up with anything even remotely useful, I will admit that I find their musical instruments to be pleasing and necessary to human expression. I am fond of the cello, in particular.
My player thanks you for your praise, or she would were she not giggling insipidly like some infernal schoolgirl. I am appalled to be handled by such a dunderheaded bint.
| eponis @ August 7 2003, 15:17:39 UTC |
::sidles over from her more intelligent conversation and whispers that she, too, is absolutely completely in love with Snape, that he's her favorite N_A character, and that the amount of effort you put into researching and the amazing skill with which you draw Snape are breathtaking . . . kudos for a fabulous character!::
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:35:08 UTC |
Your lips must be permanently puckered from that little display of shameless arse-kissing.
She is preening. Self-absorbed cow that she is.
|
aurorasinger @ August 8 2003, 06:52:23 UTC |
How is it that a man such as yourself allow your journal to be handled by a Muggle?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 8 2003, 14:39:38 UTC |
I do not believe it was stated that my handler is in fact a Muggle.
| swallowaspider @ August 7 2003, 15:00:49 UTC |
What does a Boggart become when it encounters you? And what do you hear when a Dementor is nearby?
Say hello to Lucius for me, won't you? Of course you will.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:15:27 UTC |
I should know better than to answer these questions as they are intensely personal and none of your business.
A Boggart, should I encounter one, becomes a werewolf.
Dementors do not affect me as they would someone not schooled in the art of Occlumency. I am not brought to my knees as a weaker, more foolish person might be, though I do experience brief moments of their despair. In those moments I usually hear my father's voice.
I will pass on your salutations.
| wheresmytoad @ August 7 2003, 20:37:32 UTC I just have to say |
that I really, really hate your icon.
Neville
| swallowaspider @ August 7 2003, 20:49:07 UTC Re: I just have to say |
I'm sorry, Neville. You're my little buck-toothed homie.
(parent)| notapipe @ August 7 2003, 21:13:31 UTC Re: I just have to say |
Careful Neville. In the words of a wise old sage from long ago: "Hate leads to suffering."
(parent)| serpensortia @ August 9 2003, 06:43:47 UTC Re: I just have to say |
*hugs* Are you going to do a question and answer Neville? ^-^ I'd love to hear your philosophy on life...
(parent)| wheresmytoad @ August 9 2003, 11:54:08 UTC |
Um, that hadn't even occurred to me. Do you think people would really want to ask me anything? I never thought I was a particularly interesting person.
(Your icon makes me blush.)
Neville
| swallowaspider @ August 9 2003, 18:56:12 UTC |
We've got buckets of questions for you, Neville. Go on. Let us at you.
(parent)| swallowaspider @ August 9 2003, 19:36:46 UTC |
Avert your eyes, Neville. She likes Seamus more than she likes you. She told me so.
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:16:16 UTC |
Yes.
Subsequent questions on this subject will be ignored.
| snowballjane @ August 7 2003, 15:21:09 UTC |
Have you ever had any other familiars prior to Lilitou? If so, please tell us a little about them.
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:39:06 UTC |
When I was a boy, I had an owl called Shilajit. It met an untimely death in my fourth year, and I have not kept a familiar since. Lilitou is a vast improvement over Shilajit, as I am allergic to feathers.
| snowballjane @ August 7 2003, 15:51:26 UTC |
I am allergic to feathers
Heavens, me too. It makes pillows such a bother whenever not at home.
I'm glad you aren't allergic to cat hair.
Thanks for answering.
| dari_brit @ August 7 2003, 15:23:35 UTC |
Dear Professor Snape,
To confirm or deny the nebulous reumors: are you a "closet aesthete?" If so, what is your favorite luxurious fabric?
Have you ever owned an item of clothing that wasn't black? If so, what item and color was it? How did it meet its demise?
Finally, if you had to choose a student from this journaling project to tutor in an independent study program, who would it be?
We're all quite beholden to you, Professor.
(PS-- for the player, your portrayal of Snape has made him one of my very favorite characters. He has so much possibility, and I love your interpretation!)
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:46:09 UTC |
I consider myself well-cultured, if that is what you are implying. I do not however waste my valuable time concerned with fabrics and materials and so I do not have any answer to the rest of that question.
I was coerced into purchasing new robes during the first part of my recent journey, and they were not black but a particularly dark shade of green. While these robes were complimented thoroughly by several overeager sorts at the recent celebration for Dumbledore, I did not appreciate the attention. I prefer black.
As for your last question, I would not voluntarily give up my free time on any of these ignorant dunderheads, even if I thought it would do them any good. Previous attempts to tutor one of these whelps proved foolish. I will not make the same mistake twice.
And I ask that you stop heaping praise upon my player, as she is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. The ego has most certainly landed. Kindly get out of it.
| amariel @ August 7 2003, 15:36:48 UTC |
Do you have a house or some place where you go when you're not at Hogwarts? Or do you live there all the time? (When not travelling around the world, that is.)
Sorry, that was two questions. I just wanted to add that I'm enjoying your posts immensely.
/Betty
PS. To Snape's player: The posts are brilliant. The one from New Orleans made me really, really nostalgic. I could almost smell the herbal shops.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 15:47:11 UTC |
Hogwarts is the place where I live. My family's home is not available to me.
Honestly. You people.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 16:30:19 UTC |
Billowing robes are essential to a proper entrance.
I have already answered that question.
Yes.
No.
8 1/2, The Man Who Knew Too Much and the works of Leni Riefenstahl.
Begone.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 16:34:46 UTC |
Yet another example of the absence of an attention span.
To reiterate: Yes, the Sorting Hat initially wanted to place me into Gryffindor. However, following a threat to set it aflame it quickly changed its mind (or, whatever it has approaching one) and settled me properly into Slytherin.
| anjenue @ August 7 2003, 16:10:33 UTC |
Professor Snape:
I have noticed that your interest in music leans very definitively toward the instrumental genre, particularly from the Romantic period. Were you afforded the opportunity to return to said period, with which composer and which author would you most wish to converse and why?
On a Potions-related topic, I must express some curiosity about the possible existence of any similarities between Potions and our poor substitute, Chemistry. Might you be able to enlighten me?
While I particularly abhor ego-stroking, I must also express a profound respect for your player, as she has proven to be pure genius.
Thank you for your time. I apologize for the extra question.
Regards,
Juliette
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 16:55:01 UTC |
You are an astute observer.
Though I would not tamper with the passage of time in anyway, I should like to have a conversation with Chopin. And no, I would not ask him about his business with George Sand.
There are few similarities between the subtle art of Potions and the more dubious practise of Chemistry. Where Chemistry is more about reaction, Potions is defined by creation. I suppose Alchemy would be more apropos a comparison between Muggle science and Potions-making, as Alchemy was more or less the art of transformation.
My player is currently absent, as she is looking into having monuments erected in her honour. I may be forced to hex her, if this unbidden praise keeps up.
| primroseburrows @ August 7 2003, 16:19:10 UTC |
Hello, Professor Snape.
My question to you is the same I've given everyone else: What is your happiest memory?
Much obliged for your indulgence. Best wishes to you.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 16:56:42 UTC |
My most pleasant memory would likely be the day I recieved my letter of admission to Hogwarts, as it meant that I would not be resigned to attending Durmstrang. I do not like the cold.
Thank you for your brevity. Five points to your house.
| black_dog @ August 7 2003, 16:19:18 UTC |
What, in your view, does it take to be an excellent potions student? And can you talk about your best students?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 16:58:48 UTC |
What is required of a comprehensive student of Potions? Attention to detail, patience, the ability to listen to your advisor, and inherent talent in the art.
In addition, not being a Gryffindor is also preferred.
The only student I have at this particular moment who shows any promise whatsoever is Draco Malfoy. It is by far his best subject. His parents should be pleased.
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 16:22:56 UTC |
You appear to hold some affection for the Malfoy family. However, given that you decided to leave the Death Eaters (moral differences?), you must know what Lucius and Narcissa are truly capable of.
Could you tell us what you really think of the Malfoys and how it has changed over time?
Alice
(ps to Snape's player: am much impressed with the sheer amount of research/imagination you must put in for the quite intellectual Snape)
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:01:44 UTC |
Do not pretend you know anything about my extra-curriculur activities or where my loyalties lie.
I could not tell you what I think of the Malfoys as I endeavor not to think of them at all. The boy is an adept student, the woman is well-dressed and the man has a fondness for walking sticks adorned with snakes' heads.
(Wonderful, now she has taken to wearing a tiara. You people will pay.)
| bowdlerized @ August 7 2003, 16:25:19 UTC |
Have you ever produced a Patronus, and if so, what form does it take?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:02:39 UTC |
I have produced a Patronus though I have no need of one. It is a bird of prey.
| morganmalfoy @ August 7 2003, 16:30:47 UTC |
Do you have a big family? What is your family like?
-Morgan
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:06:56 UTC |
My family, were they living, was not large. I had a mother who was a perfumer, and my father was a scholar of equivocal subjects. My sister was younger than I and took after my father in ways that were ultimately hazardous to her health. I had no other siblings nor do I have much to do with the remainder of my immediate family.
I do, however, have a cousin of perfidious origins. I believe he currently resides in London and divides his time between a bookseller and a very old Muggle automobile. We do not speak often.
| flourish @ August 7 2003, 16:48:39 UTC |
Death will come when thou art dead,
Soon, too soon --
Sleep will come when thou art fled;
Of neither would I ask the boon
I ask of thee, beloved NIght --
Swift be thine approaching flight,
Come soon, soon!
What is your preference in poetry?
(While I suspect you will be able to place the quote as the last stanza of "To Night" by Shelley, others might be unable to; hence this note)
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:10:03 UTC |
While I can see the appeal of Shelley, I am far less fond of his rather optimistic nature. I prefer the stylings of Poe, Cavafy and - more recently - Goethe.
However I have just recieved a book of words by Delmore Schwartz that I quite enjoy. It is a pity that wizardkind, while infinitely superior, cannot match the Muggles in the arts.
An unexpectedly worthy question. Ten points to your house.
| bookofjude @ August 7 2003, 16:53:12 UTC |
Dear SnivelProfessor Snape,
If it could not be considered prying, did you have any firm reason or objective set in mind on your visit to the muggle concentration camps dictated through your entry wherein you show off, and quite brilliantly at that, one must note, your Deutsch?
Or, if you consider that would reveal to much on the objective of your mission, would you be able to explain to us exactly why there are only certain people in the world who can prepare a Wolfsbane Potion, why you are one of them, and how skill it takes to create such a highly valuable, though most likely more than slightly controversial, potion?
Thankfully yours,
Jude
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:20:52 UTC |
I cannot divulge the reasons behind the places I am visiting as that is confidential information, and only to my superiors am I required to report. You may draw whatever conclusions you desire - Salazar knows that you will and do anyway - but you will get no answers from me regarding that.
As far as the Wolfsbane Potion is concerned, I did in fact practically invent the potion as it is today and as such, I am obviously the only one qualified enough to produce it. I have made efforts to educate others but as it is a time-consuming and difficult procedure it is wearisome to stand over some inept fool and attempt to school them through the task. Lupin is a fortunate bastard to know me, not to mention recieve the bounty of my infinite kindness in making the potion for his infernal hide.
The fact that the potion has not yet been legalised for sale in this country does not help matters, either. Few people are willing to violate Ministry law in order to assist a miserable demographic. Why I bother, I could not tell you.
Also, two hundred points from your house for your poorly-veiled insult. Next time, think before you speak, you wretched little sod.
| sincelastjuly @ August 7 2003, 16:56:24 UTC |
If you were under Veritaserum, what's the one question you would most dread answering?
(parent)| athene_51 @ August 7 2003, 17:38:13 UTC |
With all of the travelling you've been doing lately, have you any plans to visit Canada? I wonder if you might find Canadian Muggles less offensive and nosy. I would be happy to show you around should you require a tour guide!
Also, I have no wish to inflate your player's ego further as I see the tiara level has been reached, but I must say I enjoy and admire your cutting wit.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 18:15:06 UTC |
I have no intention of gracing Canada with my presence. I have already been to that country once in my life and once was enough. I do not care for moose, and I was unnerved by the overuse of the expression "eh."
To this day, I have an aversion to maple trees, for which I blame Canada.
(Bloody hell. She now has a scepter. A scepter.)
| tarie @ August 7 2003, 17:39:03 UTC |
SO SNAPE!
Why do you have so much unbridled rage where Harry Potter is concerned? Do you despise him because he reminds you of James? Do you gaze upon him and think that he should be the child that Lily had with you? Please, do enlighten my poor feeble mind on the reasoning behind your treatment of that unfortunate boy.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:46:00 UTC |
YOU PRESUMPTUOUS COW.
HARRY POTTER IS AN INSOLENT LITTLE BRAT WHO HAS NEVER QUITE UNDERSTOOD THAT THE WORLD IS NOT, IN FACT, HIS OYSTER. HE PERSISTS IN BELIEVING THAT HE IS OWED SOMETHING BY THE REST OF US WHO FOR SOME REASON BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION MAKE IT THEIR BUSINESS TO KEEP HIM ALIVE DESPITE HIS BEST EFFORTS TO THE CONTRARY. HE IS EXACTLY LIKE HIS FATHER IN THAT HE HAS AN ABSOLUTE DISREGARD FOR ANY SORT OF RULES AND A LOVE FOR PLAYING THE HERO THAT USUALLY HAS DISASTROUS RESULTS FOR EVERYONE ELSE AROUND HIM WHILST LEAVING HIM COMPLETELY UNSCATHED. I DO NOT KNOW WHY THE WORLD DOES NOT SEE HIM THE WAY THAT I DO: A SPOILT LITTLE BRAT WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT OF HUMILITY AND RESPECT FOR HIS ELDERS. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO HAVE ANYTHING MORE TO DO WITH THE LITTLE WRETCH THAN I ALREADY MUST.
AND I THANK YOU NEVER TO MENTION LILY EVANS IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN.
TEN THOUSAND POINTS FROM WHATEVER HOUSE HAS THE MISFORTUNE TO HAVE YOU, AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 17:57:30 UTC |
As much as I disapprove of the methods, I must agree...Professor Snape is VERY attractive when angry. *goes and sits in front of a fan*
(parent)| blue_lightning @ August 7 2003, 18:12:32 UTC |
*stares at question and response*
.... and yet some wonder why Professor Snape avoids the company of others.
| jupistrahan @ August 7 2003, 18:53:08 UTC |
Quite frankly I'd say that our respectable Potions Master was rather out of line with his response - or rather, I simply can't see how he could say such about Mr. Potter.
The Professor was cruel to him from the start, and with an upbringing like Harry's, I think it's safe to say he is anything but spoiled, and Harry had done nothing that deserved being lashed for quite a while, but our Esteemed professor picked him off immediately, and has continued to do so ever since. I can't bring myself to think Professor Snape is so childish as to hate the son for the sins of the father, but with the way his Potions O.W.L. turned out, I'd say that Harry could be rather proficient in potions class if not for the Professor's constant harrassment.
I will agree with Professor Snape with much of his current appraisal, though. Mr. Potter seems to flagrently disregard the rules, and while he does seem to escape from his brushes with death relatively unscathed, the people around him are getting killed because of his foolish actions. *nods* You do have a good point about that, Professor. But would you explain why you were so mean to him from the very start?
| blue_lightning @ August 7 2003, 19:17:15 UTC |
It is unfortunate, perhaps, that we are all human, and although Professor Snape's treatment of Harry is exceedingly harsh, he has, most likely unwittingly, done Harry a service. If everyone in the wizarding world who wasn't a "bad guy" loved Harry, then he may well have turned out like his father. As it is, Professor Snape, being a dedicated member of the Order, and thus very much a "good guy," has taught Harry that nothing (especially popularity and the loyalty of others) should be acquirable without effort.
Again, the animosity is unfortunate, and it is most ironic that Professor Snape, in stigmatizing Harry for resembling his father, may actually be part of the reason Harry is NOT like James, but I do believe we should not chastize Professor Snape for his choices, because it is difficult to be independent, especially when that independence from others means the only things one has to rely on in making choices is one's own past experiences.
Forgive me for presuming to answer this question, Professor Snape. I was merely attempting to respond to the fact that it was addressing my earlier post.
| jupistrahan @ August 8 2003, 10:03:14 UTC |
*surprised* You have a very good point there, Blue. Thinking about it that way, you're probably right. *glomps Blue*
I can't help but wonder if things had been different, and Professor Snape had treated Harry just like all his other students, if he would have turned out just like his father, even going so far as finding what his father did as amusing, instead of being shocked by his father's unruly cruelty to others, including the revered Professor.
My apoligies if I seemed too critical of your actions, Professor, I merely don't understand some things. I suppose human nature played a large part in the way you treat Harry, and whether it's intentional or not, it's probably in his best interest that you've treated him thusly. If Blue's appraisal is even close to correct, that we in fact owe you a debt of gratitude for humbling Harry on a regular basis, so his head doesn't get too big, though I'm sure you think it's far too big already. ^_~
If it's not too presumptuous, Professor Snape, might I request to have your thoughts on the matter as well?
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 17:41:52 UTC |
in regards to the Nickname-That-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned, was it derived from a specific situation in your student years, or was it just one of those very rare, very random strokes of creativity on the part of your aggressors?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:47:46 UTC |
It was a pathetic attempt at humor by the cretins I am now forced to work with. Do not think I have no loathing harboured against Dumbledore for this insult.
Those dolts would not know creativity if it dance starkers in front of them with a large flag.
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 17:43:38 UTC So, Sevvie... |
How did you earn the nickname Snivellus?
(parent)| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:48:42 UTC Re: So, Sevvie... |
Go and bother someone else, whoever you are.
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 17:45:20 UTC |
What is the one thing you most desperately wish you could change about yourself that you can't? Would you change anything at all?
Thanks, Professor.
- Kat
P.S. Snap(e)s to your player. Her posts are by far the ones I most look forward to, and I can't imagine a better person for the task, whomever she is.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 17:51:56 UTC |
I would change nothing. We are as much our flaws as we are our preferred traits. I am perfectly satisfactory as I am.
(My player cannot hear you, as she is currently interviewing cabana boys to cater to her every whim. I loathe her.)
| vellum @ August 7 2003, 17:56:43 UTC |
can i stalk you? what's your favorite kind of tea? worried about the situtation currently happening between lupin and black? you know i absolutely love you, right?
::puts up a humongous statue of your player in central park, and gives her chocolates and flowers::
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 18:07:17 UTC |
I would suggest you keep your distance. I am a Potions Master, and I am also extremely well-versed in a myriad of curses and I highly doubt anyone would miss you.
I prefer Earl Grey tea. And the Lupin-Black saga is none of my business, not to mention extremely tedious and melodramatic.
Go away.
|
girlikethat @ August 7 2003, 17:57:28 UTC |
I was wondering what you thought of my icon? I've asked Lucius Malfoy, and he doesn't seem to appreciate it. I thought you might see the humor.
Are you an innie or an outie? Boxers or briefs?
Please don't beat me up. Or do, if you want.
Lisa
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 18:11:51 UTC |
Your icon is disturbing.
My navel is none of your business, nor are my underthings.
Why are you people so eager to be punished? Are you off in the head?
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 18:13:43 UTC |
And because someone has to ask...anonymously...rather out of fear of being hexed into next Wednesday:
What is your preference these days? Boxers or briefs?
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 18:15:59 UTC |
And sees you already got asked that only minutes ago!
*facepalms*
My house is totally devoid of all points, isn't it?
|
jacay @ August 7 2003, 18:31:26 UTC |
So.
Why do you think all of these people lust after you so shamelessly? And are you not secretly flattered?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 18:34:43 UTC |
I could not tell you. Mass injuries sustained to the cranium, I would suspect.
I am not flattered. I am nauseated. Go fawn upon Black, if you must. He is far more the type to enjoy it than I.
|
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 18:58:08 UTC |
I've thought on this long and hard, and there are two things that I must know.
How much do you weigh?
and
Have you ever dressed as a cowboy?
Thank you.
|
deadspiders @ August 7 2003, 19:01:00 UTC |
Your robes always seem to billow out most impressively and dramatically when you leave or enter a room. Do you wear a fan or fan-like apparatus strapped to your back to achieve this effect, or is it simply a matter of natural panache? Thanks.
(parent) |
Anonymous @ August 7 2003, 19:10:16 UTC |
So, tell me about your affinity for Patrick Swayze. He doesn't seem like he'd be your type.
May I lick you?
| snape_a_day @ August 7 2003, 19:48:48 UTC |
How does it make you feel knowing that you have nipples and a bellybutton? Want to know how it makes me feel? ;)
Are you ticklish?
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 19:50:59 UTC |
...
I have absolutely nothing to say to you.
No.
| mariagoner @ August 7 2003, 19:54:09 UTC |
Why in the world, sir, do so many HP fans suffer under the misconception that you were ever in love with Lily Evans in Hogwarts? After all, though she was beautiful, intelligent, good-hearted and brave enough to intercede on your behalf in front of bullies, they should already know that the mere fact that she was muggleborn (or a "mudblood" as you so charmingly put it during the time when she attempted to rescue you from Sirius Black and James Potter-- see HPOTP Snape's Worst Memory) would be enough to stop you from ever considering her as a girlfriend or wife.
After all, no matter how wonderful a woman she was, you would NEVER consider her simply due to her ancestry, right? Though it would have been interesting to see what might have happened if you had been a little more open minded. You would probably be happily married with several children by now... and Lily might still be ALIVE. After all, if she weren't with James Potter (with his troublesome tendencies to blunder into bad situations) and instead with you, she might still exist to this day. And Harry Potter, thorn that he is to your side, would not even exist.
| potions_master @ August 7 2003, 20:11:37 UTC |
Oh joy. A quasi-intellectual with a penchant for blather. I am simply awash with glee.
I suppose I must quote my infuriating yet occasionally-insightful colleague when I say that the human heart knows no houses nor does it see the same prejudices of the mind. Thus, someone of proper stock could very well find affection for a lesser-bred sort, if so inclined. It is also I suspect somehow romantic to indulge in fantasies of love overcoming obstacles, etc., ad nauseum.
Attempting to force blame upon me for her demise simply because I did not fawn over her rather than James Potter is really quite rude, not to mention pathetic. Please take your half-witted assumptions elsewhere.