jacay @ June 28 2004, 03:21:33 UTC

Apparently he's not feeling anything at the moment.

jiffy_spiffy @ June 28 2004, 03:25:23 UTC

Oh, woe.

His icon.

laurac0re @ June 28 2004, 03:38:20 UTC

I don't even know what to say.

Everyone has managed to write these really beautiful entries about the attack and losing people they love and hope and loss and fear but Draco's one line entry complete with HEART BREAKING ICON and lack of mood has to be one of the most upsetting entries for me so far.

*wibbles*

_kissyfish @ June 28 2004, 03:57:25 UTC

lack of mood
Oh lord, I didn't even notice that! He's never not been enraged before, has he? :((((((( Poor PS.

laurac0re @ June 28 2004, 04:00:01 UTC

I think there was one other time where he was 'fine' or something like that (but don't quote me on that...)

*runs off to historic_alley to try and find the link*

_kissyfish @ June 28 2004, 04:02:27 UTC

I think there was actually... I remember it too...dunno when though.

hated_and_loved @ June 28 2004, 04:00:45 UTC

Once, he was "fine." But that's it as far as variety in mood, I think.

laurac0re @ June 28 2004, 04:02:18 UTC

here!

_kissyfish @ June 28 2004, 04:04:20 UTC

Thank you both. :)

_kissyfish @ June 28 2004, 03:41:20 UTC

*makes squeaky sounds*
*tries to hug*

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 03:44:24 UTC

His icon worries me. He isn't letting go.

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 03:46:30 UTC

Why would he let go already? It's been only a few days!

I mean, it took me about a month go get over the loss of my job, and I didn't even LIKE the place. HIS FATHER JUST DIED!!! Of course he's not going to be letting go right now!

laurac0re @ June 28 2004, 03:54:19 UTC

I saw the icon as a kind of acknowledgement/tribute to Lucius. Using the icon so we know what he's talking about and also to say that "he's still a part of me".

and I think it's easier for him to use the picture rather than say the words.

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 04:00:44 UTC

How does that compare?

His father just attacked a school and tried to kill - did kill -students and teachers. However much I loved my dad, I would not be posting pictures of him on a school journaling project right now.

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 04:07:21 UTC

My point was that anything huge that happens in life takes some time to process.

Yeah, Lucius was a bastard. But he was still Draco's Father, and Draco at least looked up to him, if not loved him. Even if Draco is horrified at what his father did, he still lost his father, and that's gotta be hard. So I really don't think Draco will be "letting go" anytime soon.

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 04:23:45 UTC

The use of that icon implies he still looks up to Lucius, and wants to honour him, even though he just attacked innocent schoolkids. That is what I think is worrying.

malafede @ June 28 2004, 06:53:28 UTC

I think the icon just implies he still loves Lucius, who is (was) his father.

I really don't think a child cares much about the moral fibre of their parent when they've just died. This kind of reflection just can't be expected from him right now. I would be more worried if he joined the ranks of the Lucius haters.

slinkhard @ June 28 2004, 12:35:10 UTC

Harry still looks up to James, who attacked people.
You're expecting an awful lot from someone who lost their dad less than a week ago!

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 03:51:47 UTC

Draco also posted a comment (http://www.livejournal.com/community/nocturne_alley/253384.html?thread=2457032#t2457032) in Seamus's entry about the wake.

hated_and_loved @ June 28 2004, 03:55:58 UTC

That really gets to me. I don't think I've seen him thank anyone for anything before. I feel like we're on the verge of seeing a dramatically different potterstinks, and I'm on the edge of my seat.

laurac0re @ June 28 2004, 03:58:37 UTC

me too.

Draco's going to be incredibly interesting to watch over the next little while.

dragonelle_fics @ June 28 2004, 04:04:00 UTC

It seems particularly poignant in light of the fact that one of his most recent conversations with Seamus was that quibble about not wanting to be invited to things :-(

lout @ June 28 2004, 04:06:07 UTC

omg yes :((

bloodybrilliant @ June 28 2004, 04:42:21 UTC

<3<3<3<3<3 your icon!!!

vassilissa @ June 28 2004, 08:34:10 UTC

YES. And about how Draco should have been sorry about Charlie and George for Seamus and Harry and Ron's sake, even if he didn't like them himself.

jacay @ June 28 2004, 04:30:38 UTC

I'm afraid he's going to totally close up. That wouldn't be good for someone like him, who is so emotional. I'm afraid for him, and for all the survivors. How can anyone cope with something like this?

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 04:15:10 UTC

Maybe it's my imagination but...does Draco's "model son" icon look more...um...green to anyone else? Like there's a green glow around the doorway behind Lucius? Green as in the killing curse? I would think I was imagining it but my eye was drawn right to it as soon as I noticed the icon, before I even noted what picture it was.

To the anon who made the point about Lucius' picture--I see what you mean, though I took his using the icon to be about his being a model son--iow, he was told he should do this as a son. He obviously didn't want to be posting himself, so I thought that's what the icon was showing. My first thought was that Narcissa told him to post something--she's been posting herself for a reason--so he posted to demand to know exactly what he was supposed to be saying as a dutiful son, and Narcissa let it go.

jacay @ June 28 2004, 04:29:40 UTC

:O!! You're right. There's definitely a green glow there. Was it there before, though? Oh man, I wish I paid more attention to stuff like this. That's why you're so good at coming up with NA theories; because you notice this kind of thing.

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 04:42:05 UTC

Notice this kind of thing or make it up in my fevered imagination-I'm not sure! I just can't ever remember seeing it before, but when I look at it I've no idea how somebody could add it in. It looks perfectly natural, and it's in Knockturn Alley so it would make sense for them to light the scene in a funky way with green...I just always think of that icon as being very blue and today it seemed very green-and Lucius looks even more sinister.

In a way it's even weirder if I'm imagining it because it's one thing for a witch to start imagining greenish glows around deceased DEs but when did I start doing it? My subconcious must be seriously into NA!

a_player @ June 28 2004, 04:48:11 UTC

The icon isn't edited at all, it's always looked like that.

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 13:50:21 UTC

That's even weirder--I mean, for me. That suddenly *I'm* seeing green! But adolfa's probably right and I'm used to seeing a darker or lighter version.

adolfa @ June 28 2004, 12:13:35 UTC

i think it's because somebody on nraged has a lighter version of the icon and keeps using it. seeing draco's is just surprising. :))

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 04:51:45 UTC

Your theory about Narcissa trying to get PS to post and him resisting is a good one. It definitely makes sense and fits the comments.

I suppose the use of that particular icon is rather ambiguous. He could also be implying: what exactly is the 'model son' expected to write about his father now he's been exposed as a murdering bastard?

black_dog @ June 28 2004, 05:56:46 UTC

I could go either way on whether it's likely that Narcissa made PS post. I actually assumed it was spontaneous -- he's such an obsessive journaller, and it seems like he might have found himself with an empty moment, sat himself down at the keyboard as usual, and then asked -- what the hell am I doing here? For once he's at a loss for words, at a loss to describe his emotional state.

I guess I find his use of the "model son" icon poignant rather than sinister. His sense of himself, obviously, has for so long been so dominated by the fact that he is Lucius' son. So it's sort of a "who am I" moment -- this is what he thought he was, but he's absolutely baffled right now.

I also hope that his reply to Seamus -- a simple thank-you -- was his own and spontaneous. I thought it was very powerful. It's not the sort of thing that he does; it's an acknowledgment of another person's consideration, and maybe an acknowledgment of his own hurt and his need for some consideration. All of which would be breakthroughs for PS.

In a wonderful, small touch, I thought Seamus committed one of his rare social errors in his reply to PS. A simple "you're welcome" might have been smoother. By repeating the same formal condolences he offered to Narcissa, the effect is to emphasize their formality, their emptiness. It's maybe Seamus' version of Neville's point about the words getting stuck in his throat. So maybe Seamus, despite his genuine regard for Draco, and his genuine effort to imagine and sympathize with the loss of a father, is having a little trouble, himself, maintaining appearances when it comes to Lucius. I thought PS' "Of course" was just a bit icy, and might show that PS recognized the slight awkwardness.

jacay @ June 28 2004, 06:03:20 UTC

I guess I find his use of the "model son" icon poignant rather than sinister. His sense of himself, obviously, has for so long been so dominated by the fact that he is Lucius' son. So it's sort of a "who am I" moment -- this is what he thought he was, but he's absolutely baffled right now.

Exactly! He can't hide behind his father anymore. He might actually have to grow up. If he's the head of the Malfoy household, he can't continue to act the way he's been acting. I'm afraid he'll feel obliged to walk in his father's footsteps and maintain relationships with his father's business partners. I can see him trying to be like his father because he doesn't want to fail him. Isn't that one of the last things Lucius said to him, at least on the journals? That he knew Draco wouldn't disappoint him, and that Draco was a credit to the Malfoy name.

black_dog @ June 28 2004, 07:50:13 UTC

I'm afraid he'll feel obliged to walk in his father's footsteps

Yeah, I think this is a real fear -- that his way of dealing with the death will be to pretend nothing's changed about himself, because he feels he owes it to his father not to change.

I remember Snape spoke up on that "you'll never disappoint me" thread too -- which makes it sort of especially sad that Snape is in critical condition now. Not that Snape was an influence fully equivalent to Lucius, but he was one authority figure on the other side that at least got through to PS, and PS could really use someone like that right now.

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 14:09:35 UTC

I could go either way on whether it's likely that Narcissa made PS post.

Yeah, it wouldn't have to be Narcissa. I just took his use of the model son icon (when he has been using his default, as he did when he was upset and really needed to speak to Harry) much the way you did, that he didn't know what to say as the "model son." Draco has a few icons he uses that I always think of as his "public face" ones, but they're more than that--I'm perfect, model son and model student, mostly. The model student one is the best example: Draco sitting up straight in class with his hands folded, to show, "I'm acting the part of the model student, look at me!" They're not completely fake-especially not model son-but he used it a lot with his father, when he was acting that part. The fact that he chose the icon instead of using the default made me think he was trying to do the correct thing in that role, but had no idea what to say. I figured since Narcissa told him he didn't have to post she may have suggested it, but she may just have stepped in to gently lead him out of his confusion in thinking he had to say anything. I didn't think his use of the icon was sinister either, btw--I thought Lucius looked sinister in the picture the way he's towering over him and with my imaginary new green light (heh) but I thought Draco's using it was just sad.

I loved his "Thank you" as well, and I didn't think it was spontaneous, especially since it came after the wake--perhaps the wake made him feel able to speak to other people at all. I thought it was especially nice given Seamus' recent "lecture" about how when a friend loses someone you feel badly, even if you didn't like the person yourself. This may have been another thing ps just didn't really believe people did, but Seamus and others are proving it.

In a wonderful, small touch, I thought Seamus committed one of his rare social errors in his reply to PS.

Yeah, I thought that too. I was puzzling over ps'"of course," because it did seem like it had a touch of something to it. Like, "of course" Seamus is sorry for the loss of a mass murderer who killed his friend. I think a "You're welcome," would probably have been better too. Though I don't know whether ps is all that sure of any of his words now, which is why he's sticking to monosyllables. So his reply to Seamus may be confused as well, like he doesn't know what to say and is just agreeing with him and backing off.

Harry and Ron just blow me away, meanwhile. Ron's so wonderfully honest with his scared icon and genuinely fumbly attempts at condolences. The flower from him and Ginny is just wonderful, and I wonder if ps isn't even more overwhelmed and confused by that. Ron said he didn't have to reply, and I'd like to think he made an effort to say yes, even if he wasn't yet ready to say how he felt about the flower.

And Harry seems even more like a hero with that post than he even did facing Voldemort! I don't know if he got a chance to speak to ps at the wake, but it's nice that he reached out to him here, and just reassured him that his confusion was okay, and that it was something they had in common. It seems like that would have to be good for ps, for Harry to emphasis an understanding between them when they're on opposite extremes.

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 14:11:55 UTC

Oh-and apparently a player has confirmed that Harry's comment is the first time they've spoken. Go Harry!

black_dog @ June 28 2004, 13:07:52 UTC

By the way, way-cool theory about the green light in Draco's icon. There's a special, NrAged kind of satisfaction, when you propose a theory so off the wall, yet so plausible, that a player has to step in to shoot it down. :) My last one was that sleep-deprived MB was actually several different people, and I had a good run, once, with abused!PS. But the AK!Lucius!icon has the genuine, creepy-crawly feel of an incipient urban legend. It will live, despite authoritative denials. My hat is off to you!

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 14:13:41 UTC

LOL! I know! And the thing is, it's great either way. If the player put it in it would just be a nice thing the player did, but the fact that I'm seeing it when it isn't there just shows how great the story is. As I said to jacay, it's not normal for me to associate glowing green with the AK curse, even if I intellectually know it's true. But apparently now I'm just more sensitive to it and associate it with murder!!!

unknownwisdom @ June 28 2004, 05:39:56 UTC

Arg, I knew there was a reason why I was dreading an update from him :/ (Though at least there was the chance to dread, as I'm coming to terms with the fact that we wont be hearing anything from Harry now).

At least from this there's a good chance he'll update again though, do you think this was in response to someone else's suggestion? His mother perhaps? (Though I know she did comment...)

From Neville's entry we know that he did attend the wake, but it looks as though he isn't really talking to anyone accept to be polite. I don't know about anyone else, but from reading the tone of the comments passed between him and his mother, I don't think he's talking to her very much either.

Also, I'd like to add that I'm very annoyed at Neville, as he didn't even mention Harry (other people's posts are all we'll ever have to work from damnit!).

breze @ June 28 2004, 12:44:04 UTC

Oh, Ron...

slinkhard @ June 28 2004, 12:57:18 UTC

:(

slinkhard @ June 28 2004, 13:00:30 UTC

Aw, bless Ron. His scared icon!

sistermagpie @ June 28 2004, 17:27:53 UTC

And Draco just went back and replied to his first post too. It seems like he's trying to...he's trying.

slinkhard @ June 28 2004, 21:34:08 UTC

Aw, and jh/ps interaction...*melts*

malafede @ June 29 2004, 10:01:03 UTC

I love Ron. Love him, love him, love him. He's the precious.

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 13:38:34 UTC

J_H! (http://www.livejournal.com/users/potterstinks/41648.html?thread=897968#t897968)He's still coherent, apparently... it's such a relief to see him post. And so sad to see him collaborating with Draco in their loss for words.

bubblebee @ June 28 2004, 13:43:58 UTC

OOOOH
I JUST SAW THAT
*WIIiiiiBBLE*

*throws confetti*

bubblebee @ June 28 2004, 13:52:40 UTC

And now I want to stay up all night waiting and hoping that Draco will reply.

*sigh*

Anonymous @ June 28 2004, 13:44:47 UTC

Man, Harry. :( That just made me lose it a little.

kaffy_smaffy @ June 28 2004, 14:05:06 UTC

I didn't expect j_h to do anything lj related for a while and then he goes and comments in Draco's heartbreaking post.

Sure, just add to the wibble why don't you, harry?

manynames @ June 28 2004, 15:44:13 UTC

That is so sad ;_;

moocow1985 @ June 28 2004, 23:14:45 UTC

I think this is the entry that finally broke whatever was left of my heart.

Up until now, Draco has made these overwrought, highly dramatic journal entries, but now, he can barely pull together a few words. I get the feeling that he would have stared at the New Post field for a long time until what he wrote was more in response to himself and his inability to articulate what he was feeling.

I think that on this post, Draco may have picked the icon for what it actually pictured instead of what the keywords are.

I can only imagine how conflicted Draco is now. He just lost his very close friend and his father on the same day, but indirectly, his father caused the death of his friend. Also, the evidence seems to suggest that Draco didn't have any warning that the attack was going to happen, and so he must feel betrayed that his father would put him in such danger.