Anonymous @ August 12 2004, 16:53:16 UTC

What was the best part about playing Pansy?

How, exactly, did Pansy really feel about Draco? Treasured friend? Love interest?

Same question regarding Millicent.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 17:12:30 UTC

The best part of playing Pansy was getting to be part of the Unholy Trio. (I really love that nickname for them too.) Millicent and Draco were such wonderful characters, and they had such an interesting dynamic and for Pansy to be allowed to be part of that was always fun and beautiful. Their friendship was powerful. I loved doing things that related to the three of them.

So that said, Pansy clearly really loved both Draco and Millicent. But in regards to romantic feelings or not - I think particularly early in the game Pansy was infatuated with Draco, and possibly in love with him. She definitely considered herself to be in love with him and this feeling existed in her for a long time. But by the end of the game, I think Pansy had realized the way she felt wasn't quite the same anymore. He would always be her first love/crush and always something special to her, but it was different than in the beginning.

As for Millicent, and her player may have to clarify her side of it, but I think Pansy and Millicent started off with a sort of friends with benefits situation that developed into something a lot stronger, deeper, and more powerful. That's all I'm going to say. I really think I probably said too much!

Anonymous @ August 12 2004, 17:14:26 UTC

<3 Unholy Trio

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:22:44 UTC

<3 them forever

a_player @ August 12 2004, 17:50:11 UTC

I love you!

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:22:56 UTC

<3 back at you

steph_hime @ August 12 2004, 16:55:36 UTC

Firstly, thank you so much for being such a brilliant person and doing this. I absolutely adore your Pansy.

My question is, how did you feel when you found out that Pansy was one of the characters that was going to be killed? I know that we were all shocked and upset when we found out.

Much Love.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:00:52 UTC

Thank you so much! That's always so nice to hear <3

I actually didn't find out Pansy might die until the morning that it was supposed to happen (my own fault, let it be noted). So in that, yes, it was terribly shocking because it was so soon and I had no time to mentally prepare really. But it wasn't something I had never considered before. I sort of knew how NA was wrapping up, and it only made sense that someone might die. Actually, it was when George first passed away that I had begun considering the possibility that Pansy had the potential to be a casuality. I never said anything to anyone, but I had definitely mulled over it. So on that level, it wasn't completely surprising, and somehow it felt right - storywise. Of course, it never feels right character-wise because I love Pansy and letting her go was really hard. Harder once it actually happened because that's when it really hit me and when I began to think of what it meant, and the pure, I don't know, silence of death. After it happened, I kept doing things not-gamewise that related to Pansy to help cope with losing her.

Anonymous @ August 12 2004, 16:59:12 UTC

Usually Pansy's played as either very dark or a simpering Draco-fangirl. Why did you decide to portray Pansy the way you did? And did the movie Cruel Intentions influence you at all? (I'm just asking because Pansy's icons were from that movie and she reminds me a little of Kathryn. :D)

I adore Pansy so much. >:D< I cried when she died and I felt there was hardly enough Pansy appreciation when she did. :x :x :x I love you!

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:14:16 UTC

<3 Thank you. It is somehow comforting to know that other people felt the loss of Pansy as I did. I really appreciate all that.

To me Slytherins always seemed to have what it took to be a really great politician - cleverness and ambition - and so when it came to playing Pansy that is sort of the angle I took. It made sense to me that someone who may have just started out as a cruel kid/bully might eventually figure out that to get what you want, you often need to get others to like you and trust you and this might mean holding back what you actually feel. But also, because I think this is something that is true of everyone - the fact that we are many different people depending on the circumstances. A lot of people change their face, or hold their tongues, or aren't really themselves depending who they are around or who they are trying to impress or sometimes to not hurt feelings. So that idea of someone who was not always what they seemed struck me as something that would be very prevalent in Pansy but existed in all of us to a lesser degree.

As for whether Kathryn influenced her? Yes, she did, although mostly just on the front of someone who is nice publicly, and is not always nice when in the intimacy of her close friends or at home. I was also influenced by watching too many soap operas with characters like Sami Brady and Kendall Hart (I've only seen Alicia Minshew's version though). Characters who aren't entirely unsympathetic but often go to extremes to get what they want, and can be quite the chameleon.

chinae @ August 12 2004, 17:02:25 UTC

I adored Pansy. What I do want to know was what was in her treasure box? During the prized possession week I remembered that Ron had her possession and he was trying to open it but I don't know if we ever figured out what was in it.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:22:22 UTC

I always feel bad about this! Because really it wasn't anything that important or special or that secretive. It was just letters from her dad, MB, and Draco - which I guess was more than one thing, but since they were all in one box, I'd counted it as one. I just had Pansy have a locked box because it made sense that she would be that over-protective of her things. Also, because I didn't to put the players of MB or Draco in awkward positions since they were letters from their characters regarding what might have been written. I really should have just chosen one thing and made it far more simple.

ex_lev195 @ August 12 2004, 17:02:32 UTC

I love your Pansy, I really do. When I read other things and Pansy's in them and acting like an annoying twerp I find myself wishing your Pansy was canon.

Anyway.

Did anything in particular inspire Pansy's immense amount of Weasley-love?

I have many other questions but right now my mind has gone blank!

ex_lev195 @ August 12 2004, 17:16:12 UTC

Aha, remembered one.

Did you use your own handwriting for Pansy's, or try to alter it to something you considered more Pansy-like? Because it is quite cool.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:46:58 UTC

I'm so excited you asked that! I really tried to give Pansy her own handwriting. Obviously it has similarities to mine because I wrote it, and unfortunately I'm not that good at masking my own writing. But I made an effort to create something uniquely her. I sort of squished my print down and made the n's and h's be really long. It was something that initially started very subdued and became more and more exaggerated over time. So it looked less like my writing the longer I played Pansy (and the more I had to write things for Pansy). Though, I usually have to have a warm-up before it actually looks like Pansy's writing (to me) and the right pen helps too.

_cece @ August 12 2004, 18:58:30 UTC

I absolutely adored Pansy's writing. Exactly how similar are your's and her writing?

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:42:23 UTC

My cursive doesn't look too much like hers, but my print does if you unflattened it, and shortened the h's and the n's. Also, I write far more messily, and actually, I feel as if my writing style changes a bit the longer I write.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:42:17 UTC

Thank you! I haven't read too many other Pansy's but there seems to be a rather diverse number of interpretations of her. But it's nice to hear that you liked mine.

Ah, the Weasley-love. It started with Ron. His reactions were just so extreme that Pansy was very amused by them, and so she sort of teased him more than other people. I think over time she actually developed a keen fondness for him because of that. Arthur Weasley kind of reminded her of Ron, but without the heavily Slytherin-directed comments. He was just as amusing, but less pointed, and so it sort of stemmed from that. She grew to really admire him as a family man later on especially. Ginny, on the other hand, was always nice to her, and usually Pansy has to intitiate a sort of friendly relationship before that happens. So, Pansy really appreciated that in Ginny. (Sorry this answer is kind of all over the place).

Anonymous @ August 12 2004, 17:06:24 UTC

Hi, Pansy's player! Look at all these anonymous comments! We are so shy!

My question is as follows: what was in the box of Pansy's that was her most prized possession? I really hope you can tell us at least vaguely if not specifically.

BTW, I think you completely set the bar as far as RPG Pansys go. Another question just came to me - in canon, although it is from Harry's viewpoint as we all know - often describes Pansy to be shrieking and shrill. Did you take adjectives like that along with you as you characterised Pansy, or did you let them go and create more of your own character?

Thanks so much, in advance.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:56:13 UTC

<3 I saw that too, but as long as you ask questions, I'm happy!

I actually gave the answer here but in short some letters. :)

Set the bar for Pansy! Why, I never even considered it really. To be honest, I would love the idea that I had some impact on the way Pansy was written in other RPs or even fic, but I don't really consider my Pansy to be better than other RP's Pansys or what other players should strive for.

As for canon's description of Pansy and its relation to my take, I always wished I could be a little more true to canon. I think that Pansy could be considered shrieking or shrill when she was yelling, and especially by someone who was not a huge fan of hers like Harry Potter. However, in NA she is less likely to visibly get upset in the company of others (or at least she tries). So it may have been less accurate in NA. But I think it could still be true in the right situation and by the right person's account.

But there are things I wanted to keep as defining traits of Pansy's character in the books - her intense like for Draco, and her hatred of Hermione. To me those were most important.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:56:34 UTC

I feel really silly but when I had answered in the above, I had thought you were asking if I felt I set the bar as far as RPG Pansys went. And so now I feel really dumb because I answered that as if it were a question. So really, instead, just thank you! I'm really flattered that you said that.

aome @ August 12 2004, 17:17:31 UTC

I don't have any questions for you at the moment - I just wanted to express my appreciation for her brilliantly consistent, ever so proper and polite, and just downright interesting character. It's not how I really see her in Canon, but I really enjoyed how you presented her in NA. I never really was sure if I should trust her, lol, but she was wonderful.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 18:58:01 UTC

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed her.

tabiji @ August 12 2004, 17:36:10 UTC

Hi Pansy's Player!

Was Millicent the dark-haired lover/friend in the poem on Pansy's website?

Pansy seemed to be a bit smitten with Ron - was that the case? Or was it more that she was just generally fascinated with the Weasleys since they were so different from her own family? At first I was suspicious of Pansy's friendship with Ginny, but she did seem to genuinely like Ginny.

There were a few times that Draco, M.B. and Harry hung out together. Did that make Pansy feel left out? Was she jealous of Draco's relationship with Harry?

Thank you so much for doing this. <3 I miss you all so much.

PS: After NA ended I created characters for The Sims with all of the NA characters' icons. Pansy lives on (with Millicent in a beachfront home with a gorgeous kitchen for her baking). :)

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:11:35 UTC

Hi! I am so excited that you have NA Sims. I hope MB and Pansy are happy in their house together!

I think Pansy likely had a small crush on Ron. She actually had quite a lot of fun with him when they were paired up in February. I definitely don't think she felt as critical of the Weasleys as Draco did. I think there is particular bad blood between Weasleys and Malfoys.

Pansy did not ever learn of Harry and Draco's relationship as anything more than friendship, despite whether or not she suspected something. I definitely think at times Pansy may have felt left out when MB, Draco, and Harry hung out. Perhaps even resented Harry for it. Still, I always felt that Pansy was sort of disinterested in Harry, and for the most part avoided him.

tabiji @ August 12 2004, 19:26:25 UTC

Ahh, you totally dodged the poem question! I am taking that as a yes! :))

I must take screencaps of my NA Sims. So cute!

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:27:47 UTC

Haha. Oops. That looks like it was deliberate but it completely wasn't! But now I'll have to pretend as if it was.

Anonymous @ August 12 2004, 17:38:37 UTC

Hi, did you play any other characters in NA?

I really enjoyed your portrayal of Pansy.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:12:46 UTC

I didn't play any other characters while playing Pansy :)

loony_moony @ Deleted Deleted

Deleted

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:15:21 UTC

Thank you. <3

You'd probably have to ask MB's player, but I would credit Millicent for that stroke of genius. She did it for Pansy, I believe.

morganmuffle @ August 12 2004, 18:09:36 UTC

Firstly I adore your Pansy, as part of NA and just in general, she really was a fantastic character. <3

Questions... Did Pansy really like Arthur Weasley or was she being slightly sarcastic with him? I never could tell.

Secondly how did it feel when Pansy... (how sad is it that this is hard to type) when Pansy died *sob*?

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:26:47 UTC

Thank you! I'm so pleased you liked her :)

I think I sort of touched on this. I think really to be fair, likely a little of both. I will say that she respected him in regards to his family, but there were things she did not admire about him. There were definitely things that she did not always understand about him or his family. I do know when Arthur Weasley told her they could not talk anymore she was disappointed. Although I suppose that could be either because she would miss their "friendship" or because she would miss something that amused her.

On Pansy's death, I was heartbroken after it happened. Characters are always kind of like my children, although I won't say it was like losing a child. But it was like losing a part of me. The thing is, to me, she still exists in my head and heart so I've never completely lost her. The frustrating, scary thing is that she's forever silenced. She'll never have a voice again, or a form, even one that's just in text.

After it happened, I felt a loss, however, and I had to do things that helped to deal with this sudden "stop." This inability to have Pansy keep developing and growing. I had to mourn her. I listened to sad songs, I did some photomanips, and I wrote. It was sort of my way of dealing with her death.

xnera @ August 12 2004, 18:38:51 UTC

Why oh why did I ever delete my Pansy icon? I wish I still had it. I would recreate it, but alas, I am at work. IIRC, it was the first NA-related icon that I made for myself. :D

Question: Did Pansy ever slip a little extra into her baked goods? There were definitely a few times that I wondered if she was putting Cheering potions or something similar in them.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:29:33 UTC

I am thrilled to hear you had a Pansy icon at all. I am always so excited when people do. And the first NA-related icon you made? I have bragging rights now!

Answer: LOL Yes. Sometimes she did. I think during the LYNW there was some kind of cheering item in them. And I think once when she ran into Crookshanks she gave him something to subdue him because he did not like her at first. It was all very suspect.

susan_voight @ August 12 2004, 19:23:55 UTC

Thanks for doing this! Pansy was such fun to read, a really interesting take on the character--while the discontinuity from the original Pansy is really odd in the re-read, I think a subtler Pansy is far more interesting.

I'm trying to ask all the players these questions, and I don't think anyone's got to them yet:

1) What was your favorite in-game moment?

2) What was the hardest in-game moment?

3) Would you do anything differently if you had to do it all over again?

4) Do you write HP fanfic, and did NA affect it, did it affect NA, or neither?

And what would Pansy have wanted on her gravestone?

Thanks.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:37:53 UTC

I'm really happy to hear you liked my version of Pansy. There is definitely - unfortunately - a harsh change of gears between the first player and me, and I think it's too bad I didn't do a better transition period. But we were coming from two completely different directions!

1) What was your favorite in-game moment?

I thought about this a lot, and unfortunately my memory is pretty terrible. So I'll probably forget a lot of really great moments. But I really liked Pansy's birthday when Draco and Millicent came out of the cake and surprised her. I love that scene because it was so touching on a friendship level. Also, Hermione's fight with Pansy. I always wanted to explore their dislike of each other more, and in that scene, I really got the chance to do something with it.


2) What was the hardest in-game moment?

Honestly, my brain's a bit dead so I can't really think of a good moment for this. Maybe when Pansy first went to Beauxbatons, because I was very isolated and Draco really was not on good terms with her at that moment. It was a very delicate time for me as a player and for Pansy as a character to establish new roots.


3) Would you do anything differently if you had to do it all over again?

Pansy's last words, in comments anyhow. I had always wished that I had left Pansy's last comment at "oh, darling." and I always knew I ought to have. But I didn't want things to end so badly, it was hard to not keep commenting. But I always regretted not listening to my initial instinct. Also, what I'd made Pansy's most treasured possession. I should have done something simpler.


4) Do you write HP fanfic, and did NA affect it, did it affect NA, or neither?

Yes, I've written some HP fanfic, although I don't anymore. I don't think it really influenced NA, but I do think NA influenced some of it. For example, it was hard for me to think of MB as anyone but NA's MB afterwards, and such things like that.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 19:41:00 UTC

And what would Pansy have wanted on her gravestone?

Sorry, I completely missed this. Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't think Pansy considered her own death too much. I think she was still in a state that those things happened to other people and not to her. So it's hard for me to think of something that she'd have wanted on her headstone because I don't think she was thinking of it. Something that reflected that she was someone who triumphed, and something that reflected she was loved.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:54:52 UTC

I feel silly for replying again, but I thought of a better "hardest in-game" moment, and that was when I had to write an argument for something I didn't really believe in but that Pansy did. Like when I had to debate about House Elves. Personally, I do not really agree that they should be "enslaved" but I had to argue as if Pansy did. I personally would have not even said anything at all, but Pansy really wanted to make a point of this. So I had to try and come up with reasons that sounded plausible and potentially even convincing for beliefs I did not completely understand or endorse. It was very challenging.

Anonymous @ August 12 2004, 19:47:25 UTC

First off I want to say that I always admired your portrayal of Pansy. I could never quite decide whether I liked her or not because I could never quite figure out who the real Pansy was behind the "chameleon" persona and I think that's a strong testament to your success as the character. You did an amazing job!!! :-)

So on to my question...

You said in an above comment that while Pansy had been in love with Draco towards the beginning of NA, by the end she had mostly moved past that and they shared more of a loving friendship, did I get that right? That's the feeling I got from NA as well and I always felt that Millicent and Pansy had much more romantic chemistry (I LOVED Millicent/Pansy threads by the way!) than Pansy and Draco. If this is indeed the case, then why did Pansy and Draco become boyfriend and girlfriend again? There was a debate on Nraged around the time of the Q&As on whether the D/P relationship was just for convenience, or to help hide the true nature of the P/M and H/D, and I'm wondering if you can shed some light on that. If Pansy's relationship with Draco was indeed platonic then why continue with the semblance of a romantic relationship, especially when Lucius did not approve of her?

Gah! That was long, sorry! But thanks in advance for your answer <3

a_player @ August 12 2004, 20:29:25 UTC

I'm afraid to answer some of these questions because I don't want Pansy to seem less of a chameleon! But thank you. I'm happy to hear I was somewhat successful gamewise doing so :)

Yes, I think you interpreted my answer to the above question correctly. Now, to answer your question - oh, this is quite a toughie for me. I unfortunately may be a little vague. I think entering the relationship, Pansy really still liked Draco then. So that had partly to do with it. She enjoyed being with him, she enjoyed being in a relationship with him. It was in some ways like living a childhood fantasy. It wasn't real, but it was enjoyable for her. Besides, being associated with a Malfoy has some meaning, because it's a very powerful name. So I can't imagine she didn't consider that. I think unfortunately she initially also didn't consider MB's reaction to it. I don't think she enjoyed the rift it caused between them at first, and it definitely made her rethink her position.

In any case, it was nothing Pansy really considered long term, but there was sort of a comfort level with the situation she was in. And mostly, she didn't have to deal with Lucius, and the one time she did, Draco stood up for her, and that was so meaningful to her. I'm being very confusing about all this, because somehow putting it out in flat words and not emotions makes it seem so less concrete as it was in my head. I will be blunt on one aspect of it thoguht. I never felt Pansy did it to hide P/M. :)

really, you may have to ask Draco's player to get a better response.

a_player @ August 13 2004, 05:55:50 UTC

I shall just add to that, and then please ignore me. Draco never did it to hide the H/D, either. He hated Harry quite a lot when he and Pansy started dating again, so there was not any H/D to hide.

Anonymous @ August 13 2004, 06:24:30 UTC

Draco's player!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3 :-D

Thanks for the clarification.

*does as you ask and ignores you now*

comava @ August 12 2004, 19:50:52 UTC

I'm so, so glad that you are doing player Q&A's. God, I loved Pansy and I think I only realized it when she died. She and MB and Draco were something so special. I love the way you portrayed her, how classy and charming she was. And I too wish that canon!Pansy would be more like her.

There's that kissing scene in Cruel Intentions that always reminds me of Pansy and MB now.

I'm not sure if I have anything to ask, even though I feel I should as I won't be having this opportunity again. I just wanted to tell you that your Pansy was amazing.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 20:43:37 UTC

I am enjoying the Q&A as well. Even just reading the other players questions and answers. I'm getting asked all kinds of exciting and challenging things. That said, feel free to ask me at anytime if you think of something and I will try to answer it. :)

ex_spectacu807 @ Deleted Deleted

Deleted

a_player @ August 12 2004, 20:46:31 UTC

Thank you. I miss her a lot too actually. As for people that Pansy admired and would not admit to... I would say Arthur Weasley but I think once she actually said she admired his ambition of being a good father. But I think she was always afraid that her friends might tease her over that. I really don't know who else!

devilzzz @ August 12 2004, 21:09:49 UTC

Hi:) I just want to say I loved your Pansy extremely and I was in tears when I found out she died <3<3, she was wonderful and throughout the day when I found out I couldn't help but remember something that she'd done, or something that she'd said and I'd feel sad all over again.

Just a few questions, it'd be great if you answered, but if you don't want to answer some of them, that's fine:)

1) There used to be a "darque" Pansy. Was that, as well played by you, or another player? How did you make Pansy's development from dark to the lovely girl that she was? During this development, in the lovely girl stage, did she ever feel like the old Pansy?
2) Did Pansy ever suspect anything besides friendship between Draco and Harry?
3) Did you ever find yourself feeling something Pansy felt herself, or did you keep yourself separate from IC and OOC at all times?
4) How did you find out about NA, what made you apply/join, and why Pansy?

5) What was your favorite scene in Cruel Intentions? :D

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:13:43 UTC

Hello there and thank you! It means a lot to me that you really loved Pansy <3 <3 In answer:

1) "darque" Pansy was actually played by another person, and it was hard for me to transition the two because I had a very different idea of who Pansy could be. I couldn't really get a huge understanding of the darque-Pansy because I had not been around to read her posts, and by the time I joined her journal was deleted, and her posts in NA's journal were far between and hard to find. So I read some, but I didn't really know that much about who she was before, except a few descriptions from the other player. So I tried to work it as someone who was coming from a very extreme point in her life, and one that had backfired completely and not made her happy. Instead, Pansy would try to start over. It is hard to say if Pansy ever felt like darque-Pansy. Sure there were times she was sad or upset and sometimes felt like being dramatic, but I'm not sure that's teh same.

2) I think that's hard to say. I think it's possible Pansy did not want to know that much of what was going on between Draco and Harry. As long as Draco was happy, that was what was important to her.

3) Oh sure! Like if someone is mean to Pansy in the game, sometimes I feel upset or hurt by it, the way she might. I think it is impossible to not have your feelings occassionally influence your character or vice-versa. Having an RP character is very intimate, so it's sometimes hard not to feel very strongly for your characters and feel sad when they're sad or happy when they're happy - perhaps as you do for friends. You feel for them. But I think there is a level of separation that's important. You are not your character, and other players are not their characters. You have to try not to take things personally sometimes. I don't really like to make Pansy act or think a certain way because of how I feel about things, however. I think it's important she is her own person, and that she is not affected by me in that circumstance.

4) I found out about NA from a friend who was in the game. I was really impressed by the characters. How even the side characters seemed like their own persons, but at the same time were very canon and somehow didn't just feel like OCs/namesakes. And the humour is what got to me especially. I remember from the start loving Draco and Ron's fights! I was joining with another friend in NA and so I asked one of the mods at the time who was free, and she went listing people. And I was hoping Pansy was free, and it happened that she was. So I snatched her up, even though at the time, I really don't think they had been looking to actively replace Pansy. I wanted to play Pansy for various reasons. I thought it'd be cool to have a slightly different take on a Slytherin than what I'd seen a lot of by other people, and I thought it'd be fun to play a student and be more easily able to interact with other students. Also, I hadn't focused on a female character in a while, so that was exciting, and lastly, of course, I really liked NA's Draco and wanted the opportunity to be able to talk to him. I'm lame, I know. :)

5. My favourite scene? That is so hard to say since I actually haven't watched that movie in a while. I can tell you my least favourite though! The ending when Kathryn gets caught. I am always disappointed when I see that.

devilzzz @ August 13 2004, 00:37:01 UTC

Aww, you're not lame at all:D Thank you so, so much for answering <3<3<3<3. And I am so glad that when I feel what my characters do, it's not unusual and other people do too=) It's true what you said, though. A character is a character, after all. And I'll miss yours so much!!

sistermagpie @ August 12 2004, 21:14:42 UTC

I think you know I love you already. But it's so good to "see" you!!:-) I feel like I have a million questions, or none. But this is off the top of my head. It's close to a million. Err, sorry. Any you can't answer is okay!

* Was there any one story behind Pansy's illnesses? She seemed to spend a lot of time in bed or with Madam Pomfrey, and I often wondered if there was something else going on there. Really, Pansy just often seemed a little melancholy sometimes, underneath. Was she?

* One of my favorite Pansy moments was the cake Draco and Millicent gave her--I'm so happy you mentioned it. Would Pansy ever have guessed they would do something like that? (I would have asked a similar question about Draco's, "But father, Pansy IS my girlfriend," but it seems that meant a lot to her too! Yay Draco!) How did it make her feel, exactly?

* I seem to remember Pansy saying Draco came to her in the middle of the night and they had a discussion that led to their going out again. Can you tell us anything about that discussion or why Draco originally came in? (Unless I'm completely remember it wrong...)

* I asked Hermione too--anything you can tell us about the fight with Hermione we don't know? I'd love to hear how Pansy felt about her, especially now that Hermione talked about it.:-)

*Can you tell us anything about the early days of the Unholy Trio?

* Finally, how do you think Pansy would feel knowing her mother said she should have gone into law, thanks to Draco?

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:35:51 UTC

<3 I do but I still like to hear it. :) Feel free to ask as many questions as you like, but my answers may be very dull!

Ah, the story behind Pansy's illness. It had some very simple reasons but I won't say what some of them are. But I always considered Pansy to have somewhat of a weak immune system, in the sense that she was prone to colds and such. Also, I know some of you discussed whether or not Pansy was depressed or not, and I will touch on that. I think Pansy was definitely prescribed medication for it while in France, and this continued when she was back in England. But that said, I don't think this necessarily means Pansy was depressed as darque Pansy (I do think, however, that Pansy was at a very unhappy period of her life, yes, but that's so different). Unfortunately, depression isn't something that's as simple as Yes, you are depressed or No, you are not. It's one of those continuous scales, and so what one person considers clinically depressed another doesn't. And I think that could have easily been the case with Pansy. Someone in France said she was, but that doesn't mean she actually was, since it varies from doctor to doctor. Which was more info than you needed to know!

In answer to the cake scene, I don't think Pansy really expected MB and Draco to do something like that - which was why it touched her so deeply. I think if Pansy had to conjure a patronus it's quite likely that would be the memory she used. I just think that Pansy always felt a little on the outskirts since her darque period and since beauxbatons, and that was the first time she truly felt a part of everything again. It was like complete warmth and being wrapped up in happiness.

I am afraid I can't answer your next question. I took a brief break from the game and it was right around then. So it is because I don't know. I'm embarrassed to admit that. I knew of the situation and I was totally for Draco and Pansy getting together, but I was gone for the actual details of that part.

I think most of what happened during the fight was covered. It was a very drawn match. I don't think the results of the book binding in detention were ever said though, and in that, they also bound the same amount of books. Pansy really didn't like Hermione, and there are quite a lot of reasons for that, and some not very nice. But Hermione always struck her as an annoying know-it-all and someone who was quite arrogant and thought especially high of herself undeservingly. It annoyed her that Hermione seemed to think she was such a good person when she'd always go around hitting Draco! It just really got to Pansy whenever Hermione hit Draco. I think it's possible that Pansy was jealous of Hermione's brains, however. Hermione's intelligence is undeniable. I think it's safe to say that they got under each other's skin the way others couldn't, and I liked that idea. Hermione was the one person Pansy could barely manage to be nice to. Anyways, that said, I love Hermione's player. She is sweet and fabulous and talented, and I had such a blast planning htat scene with her.

Early days with the Trio. I honestly do not have too many stories to share! I will have to leave this question for someone like MB's player or Draco's player to answer.

Last question, I think that Pansy would be skeptical. It is one thing for her mother to say it when she is dead and not able to actually face the consequences of that statement. It is another if she were alive and had to watch Pansy do all the things she didn't agree with. So I'm not sure Pansy truly would have believed her mother. They didn't really have a good relationship, unfortunately, so there wasn't too much trust between them.

<3 thanks too

sistermagpie @ August 13 2004, 03:05:34 UTC

I have some squeeing and follow ups if that's okay...

Squeeeeee

And thank you for talking about Pansy's illness--and her having a weak immune system. She really did seem like the kind of girl they might have once described as having a "weak constitution." I agree, it's not as simple as someone being yes or no, and I liked that Pansy always seemed to be dealing with something without ever seeming like she was showing us Symptoms of Something.

Even though I knew about the H/D and P/M and loved them both, I am also very fond of D/P in general, and definitely D/P in NA, as friends or whatever. Can you tell me anything about how they related to each other as bf/gf? There was just always something very sweet to me about Pansy and Draco's interactions at the end once they got over what seemed to be the painful situation of Pansy wanting something Draco couldn't give and Draco grew as a person and could appreciate her.

It almost seemed like at the end of the game they seemed to be in a nice place with each other. Not just when Pansy seemed to be keeping both Draco and Millicent company during their fight (and listening to Draco go on about Quidditch;-) but Draco's standing up to Lucius, Sinistra's referring to her as Draco's girlfriend, and especially their talk by the lake that Ernie came upon.

Also, I definitely thought Pansy was angry at Draco getting hit. Especially that last time.

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:47:49 UTC

<33333

I always thought of D/P in NA with some fondness. I didn't think people ought to have thought they were just using each other, or just together for the sake of using each other. The truth is (I think) that Pansy and Draco really enjoyed each other's company. They liked spending time together, they related to each other about things, and they could talk. Draco and MB were probably the only people Pansy was truly herself with, or as much as she could be. I think Draco was someone Pansy could vent to, which she couldn't openly. Like how much Hermione Granger drove her nuts. She knew Draco would understand that and not judge her for it. I think similarly Draco knew that Pansy had a sincere interest in him, and would be happy to listen when he needed to vent. Everything they did together was not just for show. They held hands because they were comfortable with each other and because they had genuine affection. I think that's important to recognize. It's why they worked as a believable couple to onlookers in school.

dry_your_eyes @ August 12 2004, 22:08:36 UTC

Hi Pansy's player! I loved Pansy, she was fantastic and a brilliant member of the Unholy Trio <3 As most of the question I liked have already been asked, I have only one:

Can you bake? And how did you come up with the idea to give her such a great hobby?

(I baked a cake today in honour of Pansy <3)

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:43:36 UTC

Hi! Thank you. <333333333 I having Pansy be part of the unholy trio has been so fun, and I'm so happy people enjoyed her. I'm so surprised at the number of people who did.

To answer your question, I definitely enjoy baking. I don't know if I'm *good* at it. The truth is I did not bake too much before playing Pansy. I did it once in a while, but not very often. But my situation changed almost as soon as I played Pansy. I gained a roommate who baked quite a bit, and later on a co-worker who did as well. So in combination with that and playing Pansy, I increasingly wanted to bake and began baking. Truthfully, I wanted to share recipes and post them occassionally online in her journal, or to put in this little collection of Pansy things I have (and write out some recipe cards). But I didn't want to post random recipes. I wanted to only post things I'd tried and liked.

The one recipe Pansy did post, I didn't actually get a chance to make yet but it was made by a friend of mine several times, and I assure you it is *delicious*. But I had collected a few recipes that I love. One for gingersnaps, pancakes, and cheesecakes - and a few other things. I have made all those, and they would have been Pansy approved recipes.

Oh god, I ramble a lot, I apologize. I was just really excited about this question. Now, where did this hobby come from? I can tell you exactly when it started. Millicent, during a Halloween ball, mentioned some type of food that made me think of Creampuffs. And I obsessed about creampuffs. I got this huge craving, so Pansy kept writing about creampuffs in her post. And somehow that developed into Pansy's baking. So really sadly, the answer is a lame, I love to eat and I love food, so I loved making Pansy write about food.

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:44:17 UTC

I forgot to say, you baked a cake in honour of Pansy? <3 <3 <3 <3 you should take a picture! I would love to see it!

goth_the_goat @ August 12 2004, 22:18:39 UTC

Not only you made Pansy an attractive lady, but a sexy one at that.

1)Did you put any real-life influence into Pansy?

2)What was the most funniest RPs you've been involved with? The ones that you haven't been involved with?

goth_the_goat @ August 12 2004, 22:24:22 UTC

I almost forgot:

>333333333

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:50:46 UTC

<3

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:50:24 UTC

Oh, I am so flattered! <3 <3 <3 I definitely wanted to portray Pansy as a little sexy.

1) I think it would be impossible to say nothing from real life influenced Pansy, but I can't really think of anything specific right now. If I do, I'll add another reply.

2) I have to say NA is the funniest RP I've been in. To be honest, most of the others weren't funny at all. As for those I'm not in, I hate to say it but I don't really read RPs I'm not involved in. I'm too forgetful, and then I have trouble catching up when I forget them for long periods. So I really don't know.

goth_the_goat @ August 13 2004, 10:36:17 UTC

Actually, I meant what is your favorite posting in NA, but that's my fault.

>3

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:43:05 UTC

Oh sorry! Now I feel silly. I think the funniest in-game moment I was in was maybe the time that MB and Pansy bought Draco a chastity belt. That's all I can think of at the moment. The funniest in-game moment I was not in, anything with Mr. Weasley! or anything that was a fight between Draco and Ron. They were hysterical!

thethirdbar @ August 12 2004, 22:20:57 UTC

I have no questions as I haven't read enough of NA to really know Pansy very well [How annoyed am I that I only really got into reading it like, a month before it ended? Althoughit says a lot about how good it was that I was still devastated by the end, I suppose. :)], but I just wanted to say that, from what I have read;
Pansy!loff.
Really. She was [you were] amazing. Thankyou everso much. <3!

a_player @ August 12 2004, 23:51:23 UTC

Thank you very much! I hope with the re-read you do get to catch some of the things you missed before :)

saltroseortopaz @ August 13 2004, 00:23:51 UTC

Well, I think you've really already answered my questions (OMG TEH PANSY/MILLICENT) so this is really just a OMG PANSY LUFF comment.

After all, Pansy was the first character in NA I read, and definitely the one I kept reading for. (Eventually branched out, but for a while I basically only read Pansy's posts, and sort of skimmed everyone else) I think I spent quite some time going, "OMG NO. DENIAL." when I read that she died.

Points to you for being such a great Pansy.

Hm, question, so I can pretend there was a point to this... if Pansy had survived, where do you think she would be?

a_player @ August 13 2004, 12:25:00 UTC

<3333 I really like PP/MB myself, although I have a soft spot for D/P at least in NA. :) And it amazed me that Pansy could be the journal that gets someone interested in NA. I'm so happy to hear it because I was always afraid she was unimportant and possibly even boring to read. So thank you so much.

If Pansy had survived, I believe she would have done exactly as she planned to. She is someone who I think is very dedicated to her dreams. So I foresee that she would have done her internship at the MoM, and landed a job there. But that said, I always think it's possible Pansy would find something else she loved more and pursue that with equal dedication.

Anonymous @ August 13 2004, 01:30:57 UTC

I don't have any questions-- I just wanted to say that Pansy had a special place in my affections. You made her so human, with all the quirks and heartbreaking vulnerabilities that entailed, and it really hurt to lose her in the end. Before NA, I never would have imagined becoming so attached to Pansy Parkinson. After NA, no other Pansy will do. Thank you for bringing her to life.

Posted anon, because I am embarrassed to be so gushy!

a_player @ August 13 2004, 12:26:11 UTC

Thank you! <3 I am so happy to hear these things about Pansy as it definitely makes me more confident about how I chose to write her. thank you. And I love your gushiness <33333333

black_dog @ August 13 2004, 01:49:01 UTC

I thought you played a fascinating Pansy -- sort of the reverse of the stereotype where a superficially sweet person is really political, it seemed like Pansy was (not always smoothly) political on the surface, but that it hid some real vulnerability and a really affectionate nature underneath (I'm thinking especially of her reaction to the birthday scene).

It was interesting to read your comments about the transition from darque_pansy. In some ways, Pansy's personality only clicked for me when I went back and read that transition, and it seemed that someone like Pansy, who had been so badly burned by powerful people, would then dedicate herself to being powerful, to being political, even if that wasn't her true nature. Was that part of your conception of her? (Or am I just making theories up, nraged style?)

One concrete question: when Pansy had the wonderful idea of planting a tree for the Weasleys, how much of that was "political" and how much of it was authentic feeling? And what did Pansy really think of Draco and Millicent's callousness about the Weasley murder?

One other question comes more out of the Q and A than the game -- I was surprised by your comments about Harry and Draco, about Pansy "not wanting" to know the details. It almost feels like Pansy was a little bit of an outsider in the Unholy Trio to the end. Would you say that fantasy, or a deliberate disengagement from disagreeable facts, was a significant part of Pansy's personality?

And finally (sorry, on a roll here) do you think that Pansy changed or grew as her friendship with Draco and MB became more secure? And if so, in what ways?

a_player @ August 13 2004, 12:54:22 UTC

Thank you! I've always appreciated the time some of you nragers have spent on analyzing her. It just floors me to think that a character I RPed could be that interesting to someone, but I'm endlessly pleased. :)

a_player @ August 13 2004, 12:54:42 UTC part II

Sorry it said my reply was too long.


Because I wrote la_pensee after darque_pansy, I think that it is impossible that Pansy would have turned out exactly the same without that foundation. I do believe we had two very different visions of the character, but I didn't completely disregard the things I was told about darque_pansy. As you've said, to have been burned so badly, she gained a huge drive to make something else of herself. I think mostly what darque_pansy's experience showed her was that she could not depend on someone else to make her happy or make her dreams come true. She could not center her life around someone else, and that was very empowering to become dedicated to finding her own independence and become a force to be reckoned with as an individual. So I think that was part of my conception of her. It went hand in hand because it was what I was given to work with at the time. But that said, taking on a former player's character is hard because you constantly have to deal with mistakes and consequencs that you didn't actually choose to make your charater make. And that can be frustrating.

In regards to the tree, I think Pansy was not naive to either side of it. I don't think she planted the tree without having ever crossed her mind what sort of "political" impact it may have had. However, she did genuinely like some of the Weasleys. She respected Percy's ambition in the ministry, she had a soft spot for Ron, Ginny was nothing but sweet to her, and Arthur had for the most part always treated her kindly. So I don't think she was blind or completely untouched by their grief. At the same time, she did not really know the twins and her few encounters with them, if I recall, they were not necessarily nice to her. And I think it was only human, albeit selfish, to have some feelings of relief that it wasn't someone she cared for more intensely. I think Pansy realized that in regards to Draco and Millicent, perhaps didn't agree with it entirely. But knew that it was easier for them to be callous because it was someone they were not terribly familiar with or affectionate of, and that they had more "honesty" in not pretending they cared.

I think it's fair to say MB and Draco were more close to each other, but I think that's true of any trio that two might be closer than the last. But that said, I don't think Pansy really felt outside of the Trio when she was together with them. I think it's interesting that you ask about "deliberate disengagement from disagreeable facts" in relation to Pansy's personality. I have to say it wasn't something that I went into Pansy thinking explicitely. I usually have an idea of what a characters traits will be while RPing them, and that wasn't one that I meant to "assign" her, but I do think it was something that developed over time. To be the sort of person she was, I think in some cases she very well had to be the sort who looked at life on a very specific angle.

And last question, it's hard for me to think of how much Pansy changed, because I feel like that I have had for for such a short time. I think Pansy definitely grew more confident and happy. I almost feel that Draco and Millicent became like a safety net for Pansy, or possibly a protective bubble. She could take on more things with them at her side. I think around them it was also a little easier for her to grow more careless about how she presented herself. Because it's so easy to get caught up in their spirit of things. I definitely see a much colder, crisper version of her political side had she been without the trio. I think there would have been a lot more bitterness and vengefulness as well that could have ultimately cracked her. She'd have been a lot more cruel on the inside, because the Trio kept her happy and in some ways occupied. Alone she would have mulled over the things that she felt wronged her a lot longer, and she might have been more prone to act out on that, return hurt for hurt - in an underhanded fashion likely. But in the Unholy Trio she was sort of protected from herself, and allowed the room to breathe.

black_dog @ August 14 2004, 08:25:37 UTC Re: part II

Thank you for a really interesting answer. I like the way these Q and A's keep deepening the way we react to these characters, and I'm especially struck by your comment that Pansy might have been overcome by her resentments if it wasn't that the Unholy Trio made her happy, buoyed her up.

If you're still taking questions, I'd like to poke a little more at the fantasy thing and the ambition thing, with one focus in particular. Did Pansy, even after realizing the limitations of what Draco could offer her, still seriously consider the possibility of a marriage to Draco? It seems harsh to call it a "sham" marriage, but it certainly would have been an "arrangement," I guess. Or was her self-sufficiency such that she wouldn't have gone for that, even if Draco would have considered it? I wondered, too, what she felt about Sally-Anne Perks coming back into Draco's circle over the Easter holidays. Was that a counterplay by Lucius, do you think?

Thank you again for taking the time to do this! It's really fascinating to poke away at some of these longstanding puzzles.

a_player @ August 16 2004, 13:33:02 UTC Re: part II

I think she definitely did consider the possibility of marriage. I don't think that Pansy ever felt that marrying Draco would have meant she was less independent. I think, she viewed her self-sufficient as long as she wasn't going to count on that and knew that she'd be happy and successful without it. Her life wasn't going to revolve around Draco but that didn't mean he couldn't be part of it.

Still, I definitely don't think Pansy was too thrilled about Sally-Anne Perks visiting Draco over the holidays, and I think she thought it was due to Lucius trying to manipulate his own matchmaking. (Although, Draco really did like SAP for her own sake, I think). But I do think Pansy has a sort of possessiveness of Draco, regardless of being in love or not or wanting to marry him or not.

corrupteddreams @ August 13 2004, 02:52:42 UTC

How do you think Pansy's character and maturity grew throughout the game? Was there any one person that you modeled Pansy after? Much love to you!

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:00:58 UTC

Thank you! I am loving the love, and very much appreciated it. <3

I think I touched on some of these things briefly in the above when I answered the question about how MB and Draco's friendship developed her. But mostly, I feel I've barely had Pansy so it's hard to say how she's changed. It's one of the things I have a hard to seeing. She needed a lot more time to grow. I think she became less better, less unhappy, and less lonely. She wasn't completely free of those things, but I definitely think in the beginning those things were very prominent in her. I think she also gained a lot of focus in life.

There really wasn't one person I modeled Pansy after. I was actually influenced by a lot of things, and a lot of general concept ideas that float out there in the beginning when I first decided how I would make her. I tried not to snub canon completely. But those were all set into the foundation, but more and more she just had a very distinct personality and manner that I don't think I based off anyone in particular.

cellia @ August 13 2004, 03:48:18 UTC There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance...

I am so happy for this Q&A because I *finally* know Pansy's most precious possession! And if you answer black_dog's question, I will also have her opinion on her friends' reactions to the Weasley tragedy.

I loved your Pansy. To me, she was the most tragic and interestingly complex character in NA. I am such a huge fan what you did with her--weak and strong in all sorts of fascinating ways. And, of course, the Pansy/MB interaction was kickass.

(And I always thought Slytherins would be well-suited to politics!)

Would you mind going into Pansy's feelings about Draco during and right after the Beauxbatons period? It always looked to me that he (and his parents) were responsible for getting her out of Hogwarts on very flimsy pretexts, but she never seemed to hold a grudge. At first I thought this was all a facade, but, if so, it never cracked.

I'd also love more info about Pansy's father and their relationship.

Again, much love to Pansy <3333333

Hopefully her feet are nice and warm wherever she is now. ;)

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:15:31 UTC Re: There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance...

I am so glad you like Pansy. I am very fearful of doing this Q&A honestly because I am afraid I will give too much away and start saying things that will make people change their minds! But it's been so nice to see people's interest, so thank you for taking the time to write your post!

I think Pansy was very angry when she was sent to Beauxbatons. She thought it was completely unfair and unjust and she couldn't believe the headmaster let Lucius Malfoy get away with it. After all, other students have pulled worse offenses than her without being forced to transfer schools. To be honest, I think Pansy did hold grudges against Dumbledore and Lucius for it. She never thought Dumbledore was fair, but especially after that, I don't think she quite forgave him for letting that happen. On the other hand, she was always grateful and protective of Professor Snape for having helped her go back to Hogwarts. As for Lucius, I think Pansy had enough sense to know she was outgunned as a Hogwarts student, both in money and social position. She wasn't going to take him on - yet. The truth is I think Pansy had a lot of patience, and was more than willing to lie in wait until the right opportunity presented itself. Even if that meant waiting till she was promoted several times in the ministry, or something happened to lower Lucius Malfoy's status. But on that note, she would have taken Draco into consideration. She loves Draco enough that she would never have wanted to completely ruin their relationship with eachother. But you're right, she didn't really hold a grudge against Draco because I don't think she ever truly blamed him. I think she was angry at him for a while when she came back, and even resentful and hurt, but I don't think she blamed him for her being packed away to Beauxbatons.

Pansy had massive respect for her own father. I think he did love her too, but his work took priority. His ambition was for his work and his career, and Pansy understood that. It made sense to her that someone who wanted to be successful and a good businessman would put in as much time as he need to for that. Perhaps, later on, would have taken after him in that regard. But Pansy always wanted to spend time with him, and she must have had some pleasant experiences as a child with him. I think he was one of those dads who was gone a lot, and came home spoiling his child or doing something really flashy and exciting with them to make up for it. So she had good memories of him even though they were not frequent. But he constantly cancelled on her. I think around christmas he was supposed to take her to a concert or an opera, and he completely backed out of it. She ended up going with Millicent.

lynnet @ August 13 2004, 06:03:24 UTC

I just want to say that I absolutly love pansy!!!!!! I don't have any questions, but she's my favorite character so I had to say something!

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:15:54 UTC

Thank you. <33333333333333333333 I am so glad you did say something.

nannyo @ August 13 2004, 09:42:46 UTC

I was very interested in Pansy's relationship with her mother. Pansy was so political and worked very hard to be seen as nice and polite by everyone, but I imagine that conversations with her mother were not somewhere she could do that, considering she was struggling to break free from that stranglehold of expectations. Do you think she would ever have become reconciled with her mother, or that she could break free from her mum's expectations?

I loved to distrust your Pansy, I found her intriguing, irritating and very complex... someone I would have been afraid of at school, probably unjustly. This is a real tribute to your RP skills, thank you.
N.

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:22:53 UTC

I like how you put that. "Love to distrust" and I love that Pansy was a character that gave people the opportunity to do that. Thank you!

I think it is unlikely that Pansy would have reconciled with her mother any time soon. Maybe ten, twenty years down the line, but it would have been a while. Pansy's mother would have had to recognize that her child wanted a very different life than her, and not made her disappointment in Pansy so heavy. Pansy on the other hand would have to step back a little and recognize her mother had good intentions, though not the best tactics. I always think it is unfortunate when family members do not get along, because family is so important. I hope that they would have reconciled. I think Pansy however was well on her way to breaking free from her mother's expectations. She was not willing to be held back or down by them. She would have liked her mother to be proud of her though, I think.

Anonymous @ August 13 2004, 10:13:27 UTC

Has Pansy ever had sex with Draco?

Did they often do things together like most lovers do? She was his official girlfriend after all.

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:27:15 UTC

I have to say, I think the answer to that is no :) I think that they have done some things together, because they were girlfriend and boyfriend and people at school believed that about them. Pansy was, after all, attracted to Draco and she was not particularly shy in the matter of personal space. So they've done things like held hands, and Pansy is the type who would likely link arms with Draco and lean on him and things like that. I think they've kissed too, but ask Draco's player to confirm that.

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hezzabeth @ August 13 2004, 11:21:18 UTC

It seemed to me in some entries that Pansy loved her father very much but was making excuses for his workaholic behaviour.
I was wondering did she befriend Arthur because he was the sort of father she wanted?

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:32:12 UTC

I don't think Pansy befriended Arthur because he was the sort of father she wanted. But I do think that is something that might have developed over time. By that, I mean it was one of the things she came to really like about Arthur. His dedication to his family was very meaningful to her. I don't think she understood his lack of ministry ambition, but then she saw the lengths he went through for his family, and understood that was where his passion lay and his ambition lay. I do think that Pansy may have longed for the closeness and the warmth of the Weasleys, but as far as, did she know and want that before befriending them? No, I don't think she did.

bookofjude @ August 13 2004, 13:22:32 UTC

I can't really think of a proper question to ask you that is really good. I can't quite think if this question has ever been answered in game, so I shall ask it: What exactly where Pansy's intentions against Mr Weasley?

a_player @ August 13 2004, 13:41:39 UTC

I think I've gotten more questions about Pansy's relationship to the Weasleys than in regard to her relationship with anyone else. :) It amuses me greatly because I had not expected that.

I don't think that Pansy had any huge evil plot when it came to Mr. Weasley or anything like that. I don't think she was planning to pull anything on him. I think she sort of liked him because he reminded her of Ron, and so it grew from there. That was her initial reason for contact. That said, the more people you know who like you, the more avenues and opportunities you will have to look to in future situations! I think it's likely Pansy would have recognized that. So far as, it didn't hurt her to be nice to Arthur, and there might not be an immediate payback for it, but that didn't mean there wouldn't be one in the future.

saffronlie @ August 13 2004, 14:34:26 UTC

I think you need to know that I am your fangirl for life. I could cite the Daria references in my reasoning, but you had me at the first 'darling'. ;) I think one of the things that I loved most about your Pansy was that she wasn't immediately readable. There was a lot between the lines in almost everything that Pansy wrote on the journals, and I liked having to work hard to guess at her motives. Was that a conscious effort on your part, to keep Pansy a little more remote? When I remember how some other characters in the game were like open books it seems quite fitting that Pansy's prized possession was a locked box...

a_player @ August 13 2004, 19:48:29 UTC

I was really on a huge Daria kick, and so I wanted to do at least one Daria reference. I'm so glad people caught it, although it was just pure silliness on my part. <3

I think I did try to make Pansy seem like someone who was multifaceted. What she said wasn't always what she meant, or what she said could often be interpreted in multiple ways. I always saw her as one of those people who never answered things directly, instead they let you draw your own conclusions and believe what you want to believe. Hopefully in her favour. :) But I definitely wrote her so that she was not always showing her cards. But I think while this was a key feature of her, it's true of so many people on varying degrees. Even people or characters who seem straightforward and try to be open are often hiding things about themselves, or changing who they are depending on the situation.

Anonymous @ August 13 2004, 15:52:44 UTC

How did Pansy/Millicent come about since Pansy had a boyfriend? Was it because her and Draco didn't really relate in a sexual way? Also, would Pansy ever consider entering a formal relationship with Millicent, or did she feel like that wasn't necessary because she had the best of both worlds (i.e. Draco as a boyfriend which she genuinely enjoyed, and Millicent as a dear friend and lover)?

As for you, you are awesome!!! :-) I had much much much love for Pansy and she's one of the characters I really miss.

Thanks for answering!

a_player @ August 13 2004, 20:02:04 UTC

Thank you for saying so!

As a disclaimer, I think MB's player will have to verify some things. Pansy and Millicent were quite good friends (as far as I know), which developed into something of a friends with benefits relationship, which in my opinion became something a lot more meaningful and strong as time progressed. I think in the beginning it was a very casual thing, which perhaps Pansy too a little too unseriously, and that was timewise before Draco and Pansy got together again, but post-Beauxbatons. So it wasn't because something was lacking in her relationship with Draco. I think over time she began to think of it with a lot more seriousness and a lot more consideration to what exactly MB meant to her. In the end, she was very satisfied with both her situations with both her best friends. She would have adapted if things changed, if the other parties involved wanted change, but I don't think Pansy would have actively pursued more.

1anonymous1 @ August 13 2004, 16:33:53 UTC

I loves you. Id ask you to marry me but Im afraid that Hermione's, Molly's and Lupin's players would flog me,and in the bad way.

So, questions.

1.)How long before your character died did you know it was going to happen?
2.)When did you discover your boyfriend was having a gay affair with Harry? How did that make you/her feel? Or did you always know? How did you find out anyway?
3.)What exactly was your relationship with MB?
4.)Would you have done anything with Mr. Weasley if you could have?
5.)How come you are so very cool?
6.)Who all were you involved with during the course of the RPG?

Phew.

a_player @ August 13 2004, 20:12:42 UTC

It's all right. As long as I am loved! <3

Answers:

1) I learned about it within 24 hours. It was my own carelessness that attributed to that last minute learning, but I learned it early in the morning of the day that it happened, and it happened in the evening.

2) Pansy never learned of Draco's relationship with Harry so I can't really answer this question.

3) Millicent was one of Pansy's best friends in the world. A very deep, intimate friendship, I think.

4) I don't think Pansy would have done anything with Mr. Weasley, at least not other than a lot of flattery, a lot of "darlings", and a lot of shared food. Picnics! With lemonade.

5) I don't know what to say. Thank you!

6) Relationship/dating-wise? Draco, officially.

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sylvies @ August 13 2004, 18:31:30 UTC <3 You!!!

Since the darque_pansy journal was deleted there are many people who haven't read those entries. Can you tell us a bit about what happened and why Pansy was sent from Hogwarts to Beaubatons? I'm very curious as to what Pansy did to upset Lucius so much.

a_player @ August 13 2004, 20:17:23 UTC Re: <3 You!!!

Thank you. <3 back.

I'm afraid I can't tell you too much or give too much detail as I actually didn't play darque_pansy. From what I understand there was some sort of falling out between Pansy and Draco. I am not exactly sure what to be honest! But Pansy was very angry and said a lot of things about Draco in her journal. I think there was something about their family not being pureblooded? I'm not sure, but something that I guess was considered libel by the Malfoys. They called some sort of meeting between the Malfoys and Pansy's parents, but Pansy did not show up... and they decided to send her to beauxbatons and that she couldn't attend Hogwarts? That is my understanding of it!

slinkhard @ August 13 2004, 19:13:49 UTC

Hi.
I really liked Pansy.
I always agreed with her interpretation of events (which I suppose doesn't speak very highly of my own morals ;)
But really, how could any disagree with her, when she stated her point so eloquently?
I liked it when she was vicious also, though: (the 'Queenie Greengrass' confessions in Ron's journal, for example) and was gratified when OotP came out and she was present (and continuing her vendetta against Hermione ;)

I'll ask you the question I'm asking everyone, which is: do you plan to 'come out' as Pansy's player?

a_player @ August 13 2004, 20:31:44 UTC

Thank you. I didn't always agree with Pansy's interpretations myself (although I'm sure sometimes I did!), but even when I didn't I could usually see how she might. Anyways, I'm so glad you liked her! Since you mentioned her vendetta againsts Hermione, even prior to OotPs release it was something I wanted to explore, but I always put off unfortunately. I'm glad I got the chance to though!

As far as coming out goes, I really have no plans to. Most of the people I am friends with, unless they were already in the game, did not read NA and probably have only heard of it in passing. So I didn't see how it would give Pansy any more meaning to anyone if I said I played her.

lore @ August 13 2004, 19:49:49 UTC

I loved Pansy because I always felt like she didn't get enough attention or credit in the game. The only gold star I ever earned was from you, because no one else was bothering to notice how Pansy "greased the wheels" so Millicent could get her Apparation License. I can now safely say I bought her anonymous paid time during that whole week of people buying paid time.

I loved Pansy and her death was a cruel, cruel shock. But, like many of her entries, you had to read carefully - it took me forever to realize she was dead. I think the way she died in the game was a tribute to her character.

Er...Anyway. :D Most people have asked the questions I am interested in, but here are a few stragglers.

1. What made you decide not to have Pansy participate in the Veritaserum incident? Or, why was she kept out of it?

2. You have delved a bit into Pansy's home-life. If you have any more family history or issues that you invented for her, I would be interested in reading more about it if you are willing to tell. :)

I thought it was heartbreaking that her last entry contained, yet again, a missed connection with her father. Thank you for...just everything. *HUGS*

love, lore

a_player @ August 13 2004, 20:49:17 UTC

Thank you! And thank you so much for the paid time. I really appreciate things like that. I felt badly once though when someone paid for Pansy's journal after she died. I kept thinking how I could not even add back her icons because she is dead and so that poor person's money has gone to waste. :(

Since Pansy had to die, I'm glad it happened the way it did. I'm glad that it wasn't entirely meaningless, but it was something that helped unravel a mystery. It was a good death to have.

1. To be honest, I don't really remember that much about that incident so far as set up went. So I don't know. I wish I could give you a better answer.

2. Here is something I wrote when I first started playing Pansy to lay a foundation for her as a character to help me out. I think most of it is still accurate, except Pansy's mother became more suffocating.

family: Pansy's father is a well to do business man, who spent most of his time away on business. He deals mainly in exports/imports. He is clearly the head of the household as he controls most of the finances. Pansy's relationship with him tends to be somewhat distant emotionally, but nonetheless one of admiration and respect. Pansy's mother is a traditional housewife. She is quite neurotic about cleanliness. She is a collector of the arts and the antiques, and spends an enormous amount of the time in the greenhouse they have out back, as well as planning social events with the other upperclass wives. In terms of Pansy and her mother's relationship, it can be characterized as shaky at best. Her mother can oscillate from neglectful to suffocating dependant upon her mood, and her fickle treatment of Pansy like nothing more than a plaything tends to offend Pansy. Pansy's parents were not deatheaters.

history: Pansy's father was often away on business and when he was home he spent most of his time in his office, directing financial affairs that seemed foreign to Pansy as a child. For the most part, Pansy was raised by a governess until she was eleven, who taught her many fundamentals of magic, reading, writing, piano lessons, and other basic education.

However, on Sundays, she was left to her mother's care. Her mother treated her very much like a doll, attending to her daughter only when it suited her. She was very strict about Pansy's manners, her cleanliness, and a supporter of the saying, "children should be seen and not heard." On most sunday afternoons, her mother brought her to social gatherings such as Ladies' Aid. In any case, gatherings between the other pureblooded, upperclass wives. (Her family was known to associate with the likes of the Malfoys, Crabbes, Goyles, Patils, and Bulstrodes.) She would spend hours before nitpicking Pansy's appearance, forcing Pansy to brush her hair several times over in one sitting and wash her face just as frequently. Mrs. Parkinson had a fondness for pink. She often made Pansy wear pink coloured dresses full of girly frills and ruffles with Pansy's hair parted in pigtails and tied with pink ribbons. On Sundays and in public, Pansy was doted on to the point of being spoiled by her mother, but while her governess was about, Pansy's mother preferred to focus on her own affairs. At a child, Pansy was quite compliant to her mother's wishes. However, as she grew older, she became more resentful and bitter with her mother's inconsistant attentions.

However, much of this wasn't evident until she reached her mid to late teenage years. Early on she pleased her mother with the ambition to someday marry Draco Malfoy. Upon return from a visit to the Malfoy home one day, she told her mother, "when I grow up, I'm going to marry Draco." Her mother was extremely pleased and encouraged Pansy's aspirations. However, Pansy's efforts to secure Draco's attentions seemed futile and beared little fruit, other than the occassional invite to school balls. Her mother often nagged her about her progress in her relationship, and this provoked much of Pansy's frustration and unhappiness with her current situation.

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a_player @ August 14 2004, 06:36:06 UTC

Thank you. Wow, just reading this makes me glow. And the adjectives you chose to describe her just make me feel so proud and appreciative. I'm glad she struck you as something beautiful. I am sure she would have enjoyed tea with you, although I don't doubt she would have been willing to do something you might enjoy more since you don't like tea. :)

<33333333333333 thank you. I cried a few times after her death as well. When it happened, it was so numbing and it was truly when people began reacting to it that the emotions would start spilling out. <3=

luthienlupin @ August 14 2004, 03:16:24 UTC

Pansy's player! Hi! I just wanted to chime in as well with how much I adored your Pansy. :x!! I remember stupidly first thinking, long ago, that it would be difficult to see her as anyone other than SMG (being a huge BtVS fan.) But within a very short time I quickly erased that because of how you played her just so fabulously. And the relationships between the Unholy Trio was one of the favourite things about the game. The photos that MB posted (in her last post, I think) of them as kids made (and still make) me all teary. =(( Okay, now that I've descended (us both, possibly) into sadness, let me ask a question! :D I loved reading all your responses here, but what question/s would you have liked for someone to ask you? Or is there something else you can share? Feel free to ignore this if you can't think of anything, as I realise am being rather pushy! So sorry, I only have love and respect for you, man! <333

a_player @ August 14 2004, 06:58:21 UTC

Oh no. I lost the reply I was writing to you. So I will try to rewrite it.

I was always conflicted about my choice to use SMG as buffy. But for some reason Pansy's nose being her focal description in the books made me think of how SMG's nose always stuck out to me as being a little weird. So in my head it had seemed appropriate. And I used Cruel Intention pictures because Pansy was a brunette to me, and not blonde, and I also thought it would keep people from immediately seeing and thinking Buffy. But I actually liked a lot of Pansy's younger SMG pics because it seemed more age-appropriate, and took another step away from people immediately thinking of the Cruel Intentions movie. I am rambling I know. But I loved using pictures with hats especially. They seemed so Pansy.

Oh and the photos MB and Draco posted. One of them is actually my wallpaper.

As for questions I would have liked to been asked. I think a lot of them have already been asked. Even some of the obscure ones like whether I bake or if her handwriting was my own. I wanted to be asked one I saw that was asked to another player. I think it was about what song reminded them of their character. For me, that would be "Sleepwalker" by Wallflowers. THere are just lines in their that stick out to me, and I listened to it a lot after Pansy's death :(

I can't think of anything else to share. Maybe that I was always sad that Pansy could never reply to Arthur's last comment in her journal. Oh, and that Draco and Pansy got to write letters to each other! I love Draco's player tremendously for doing that with me. It was so fun and wonderful. I remember we (the players) all got to send each other christmas cards, and that was so cool. I ended up spending too much on Pansy's because I wanted to make them almost as nice as she might. I ended up guiltily plucking two blossoms off a miniature rose palnt from a grocery store so I could put them in the cards. (I had tried actually rose petals but they were too big and didn't flatten well!) I always wanted to write more Pansy poetry but I felt it was too hard for me. And I would always buy things that reminded me of Pansy. I have a journal that I bought because it looked like something she would like, and I had an feather ink pen for a while, and I actually made a box where I printed out photos and stored letters from Draco and one made up one from her dad to sort of represent her box during LYNW. I think I am just rmabling now, so I should stop And you are not pushy. I loved that you asked these things :)

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aeiriz @ August 14 2004, 07:55:42 UTC

I have to agree with most everyone that Dead!Pansy made me tear up, litereally.

Are you currently part of any other games?

a_player @ August 16 2004, 13:16:50 UTC

Thank you for saying so. It's hard for me to imagine her as gone, still. :(

To answer your question, I am not really part of any other RPGs at the moment.

sincelastjuly @ August 14 2004, 15:27:52 UTC

was there anything pansy did in the game that nobody really picked up on, but was actually pretty important insight into her character?

and also, as pansy's player, was there anything you didn't do (aside from her last words) with her that you regret?

much <3 to you!

a_player @ August 16 2004, 13:24:30 UTC

I've been trying to think of something good to tell you that wasn't figured out about Pansy but I don't really think there is. I think a lot of things were touched upon by readers, and other things I sort of assumed they must know about her. I don't think anyone mentioned that her affection for the Weasleys might have had something to do with the fact that they were pureblooded, and to me, that was somewhat true of her. I think unforutnately Pansy did grow up in a household with very traditional Slytherin beliefs, and I think those beliefs are really hard to overcome, especially when you're put in a school environment (the Slytherin house) which surrounds you with peers who support your beliefs.

Things I didn't do that I regret now... Just being more involved with the game. I wish I had a lot more focus and better ideas for it. So, really, just that in the general sense.

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a_player @ August 23 2004, 15:07:26 UTC Re: Late but -

I've always been interested in people's reaction to the transition from darque_pansy to la_pensee so thanks for giving my a glimpse of your reaction to it. :) I'm very happy you liked Pansy's last post, as that was a hard one for me, particularly trying to not make it sound foreboding in anyway. I wanted her to post as she always would have. But I'm glad that it also was able to have more meaning in retrospect.

On to your question! I have to admit this was not something I thought of very much. As a player, I was always very happy when Draco used the Pansy icon, but as for Pansy herself, I don't think she felt used. I think there was always a sense of understanding between Pansy and Draco, particularly for their relationship as gf and bf, so I don't think she ever felt she was being taken advantage of. I also think Pansy always made constant allowances for Draco, sort of the way a child can be overindulged by a parent. There were times, depending on what he said, that she would feel flattered and the very fact he had an icon specifically for her was a matter of pride for Pansy.

pink_faerie @ August 22 2004, 14:20:14 UTC

Pansy:

Was Draco's lap comfy or a boney disappointment?

With love,
-m

Player:

My love knows no bounds. *shy retreat* KTHXBYE.

a_player @ August 23 2004, 15:08:46 UTC

<3 Ah, the love is well received and appreciated.

I think in response to your question, Pansy would have said that Draco's lap was extremely comfortable - regardless of whether that was truthful or not.

therealycats @ August 22 2004, 18:05:41 UTC

I'm a bit late on this, but that's because I haven't been following NA or nraged for a while and just decided to check in today. I don't really have any questions for you, I just wanted to again say how much I enjoyed your Pansy. She was so interesting to read and the reactions she got from the other characters, Ron in particular comes to mind, were incredibly amusing to me. She was so eloquent and outwardly kind (inwardly is a different matter ;)) to most and just amused me greatly. So thanks for entertaining us and making a rather one dimensional canon character interesting and likable!

a_player @ August 23 2004, 15:09:52 UTC

<3 <3 <3 I don't mind you having no questions, although if you ever have one, I'll do my best to answer it. I am, however, very pleased you took the time to respond. And I too was always very amused with Ron's reactions to Pansy. <3 <3

tabiji @ September 23 2004, 10:44:47 UTC

If you check back, I'm wondering:

For the NA t-shirts, what are your favorite quotes from your own character, and any other NA characters?

Thankyou!