| adrienneherbst @ 2003-04-26 18:13:00 |
meep, longandhorriblypretentious first post
Erm. I hope that this isn't out of line, because it applies a lot to
potterstinks' last post-- will delete it, Aja, if it is. *hides*
1.) Players, you are all absolutely fucking astounding. You amaze me and keep on amazing me.
2.) ManifestoRamble!
So. My very very favorites, as always, are the Weasleys. All of them. They're just so impossibly perfect and very, very realistic-- Arthur and Molly are the embarrassing parents who just got AIM to communicate with their children who are away at school, and are so new to the medium that they're thrilled by >:o and all its' relatives; Ginny is the young girl who is still something of an awkward writer; Charlie is the smart guy who doesn't put emphasis on online-text communication and uses "u" and no capitalizations; Fred and George don't take the project seriously to the point that they only have one journal-- they're only there to keep tabs on their family, after all; Percy is as ridiculously assiduous in his writing as the most tight-assed netizen; Ron-- Ron, probably my very favorite next to wehaveseven, because for all his immaturity and explosions and anger problems? He behaves, and types, /exactly/ as a loud, angry, emotionally-open-book, and not particularly nerdy/intellectual adolescent boy /would/ behave on being made to get an online journal. Punctuation? Who cares? It isn't an essay, it's just some silly internet thing. And his "capslock language"? Perfect. Just, the Weasleys-- they behave exactly as a real family /would/. It's wonderful. Their family dynamics are great; when they tease each other, when they reassure each other or stick up for one another-- and ever notice that when they get angry, with the exception of Percy, they ALL revert to Ron's Capslock Language? Eee. Am with the Weasley love. :D :D :D
The one interaction that I don't like (and never have) is that between Sirius and Draco. The language and tone Sirius consistently uses when commenting in Draco's journal-- Draco, who is, after all, HIS STUDENT-- is so completely, completely inappropriate and unprofessional that Sirius' beratings always shock me much more than whatever it is Draco has done to provoke them. I think his recent responses are so much an abuse of his position as a professor that it almost made the entire Draco-homophobe thread unbelievable, if only because Sirius hasn't been punished for them. "You cowardly little shit", "you pathetic excuse for a weasel ... the squeakings of a rodent that they are.", "you're a sad, pathetic little spoiled asshole who had the world handed to him on a platter and if he's not careful is going to end up completely and utterly ALONE. Which would be more than you deserve."
I read this and was absolutely APPALLED. Draco's response makes a jab about the teacher/student relationship-- and Draco is entirely right in doing so. I'm not sure if things work differently at private schools. Maybe I'm so horrified by the way Sirius is behaving because I come from a large public school system whose administration has dodging litigation as one of its primary goals-- teachers can get in serious trouble for mistreating students because the administration is afraid that parents will sue. Maybe it's because seeing teachers personally attacking and belittling their students is one of my personal pet peeves. Just, I don't know. It's not even just that it's unprofessional-- I see it as one of the more atrocious abuses of power that a teacher can commit, period. So, when Snape is horrid to the Trio in canon, I was pretty shocked, but when Sirius not only insults a student, makes insinuations about his home life, and tells him that he hopes he has a horrible future, but curses at him-- I don't know. I can believe that Sirius Black would do that, but I can't believe that he wouldn't be taken to task for it, because while what Sirius said may be true and while Draco deserved to hear it, Sirius is Draco's professor, and for him to be the one to give Draco that intensely personal and vitriolic a telling-off is completely appalling and out of line. The journal may not be "in school", but the enforced journal community is a school-sponsored project, and if Draco can be punished for violating rules inside the domain of livejournal, Sirius Black ought to as well. So, um. Yeah. Didn't like that.
(however,
Aaand the whole Potterstinks homophobe debacle? Hmm. Draco's possible sexual orientation issues aside, I think that this entire thread is just a colossal meldown on his part, and one that's been building up for a while. His father is angry with him. This alone should be upsetting for any kid, no matter how righteous the parent's anger or appropriate their punishment-- which Lucius' are neither. Lucius' idea of punishment is, of all horrible things to do to your kid, cutting Draco off for two weeks-- to give him a taste of what it would be like to be disowned? Jesus Christ! That's bloody awful! So, in response to this, Draco's mom, who has heretofore been a pretty crappy parent as well, left Lucius and has embarked on some kind of journey of self-improvement with Remus and Sirius.
[ I don't blame Narcissa for this-- it seems like she, for whatever reason, has had a wakeup call, and that she's trying-- honestly trying-- to become a better mother and a better person. Yes, she is shallow and vain and self-absorbed. She isn't used to caring about other people in more than a superficial or self-serving manner, she's weak and passive-aggressive and, yes, narcissistic. But somehow, she's starting to realize that the way she's been treating the people in her life-- especially her son-- is wrong, and she's trying to change. Is she doing a very good job, or a fast one? Not really. Are her efforts awkward? Yeah. Is she still exhibiting the same general behavior patterns that characterized the vain, shallow Narcissa that y'all seem to hate so much? OF COURSE she is. She cares about Draco and is trying, although rather pathetically, to be a mother for him. She cares for Remus and Sirius-- who have gone a long way in opening her mind-- and is upset when they're treated badly. She is still operating within the same self-absorbed behavioral paradigm that she used to, but can anyone realistically expect her not to? The kind of change that everyone seems to be pissed off at her for not /immediately/ undergoing isn't even on the level of, say, changing your views about homosexuality-- it's changing her entire /personality/. This kind of change is not easy and it does not happen quickly, but Narcissa at least recognizes that she needs to change, and that, I think, is sort of admirable. Also, there seems to be this expectation that if she's a parent, that means that she can't be a person who can be hurt and who has forgivable or even understandable flaws. Abusing one's power as a parent is probably even worse than abusing one's power as a teacher, although more commonplace. But I think it's still important to remember that parents are also human beings-- and, as somebody pointed out, if you're going with the "people are not responsible for their actions if they had rotten parents" theory as all this "it's not Draco's fault!" stuff seems to indicate, Narcissa is not to blame for her crap parenting, because she is just as much a product of her environment as her son is. And. Being hurt when your child lashes out at you? Being confused and dismayed by the abysmal behavior of your teenaged son, the fact that you can't control that behavior, and the prospect that it might be your fault? These are all very normal things, here, and I don't get why people are so angry at Narcissa for them.]
Now, even if Narcissa's bailing out is supposedly in support of Draco, having your mother leave home is going to be pretty traumatizing. And this entire psychological transformation Narcissa seems to be undergoing? Even if it does seem to be for the better-- she's trying to be less self-obsessed and a better mother, even if she isn't doing a terribly effective job-- having your parent undergo any kind of drastic change, even a good one, is going to be somewhat traumatic for any child, because that parent is no longer a source of stability for you, and that's scary. Having a parent suddenly enter a place of vulnerability-- either emotional or physical-- is upsetting and stressful for any child, and Draco is no exception. So, yeah. Lucius is being an incredible (and I think extraordinary) bastard, and Narcissa is being unpredictable and weird. Draco's father has disowned him (trial or no, the sentiment that Lucius is psychologically prepared to do so has to be horrible for Draco) and his mother has left him for it-- not only is Draco alienated from his father, it looks like his parents' marriage is seriously on the rocks. Draco Malfoy's family life, essentially, is not only in crisis but must seem, to him, to have completely disintegrated, and he isn't dealing with it well-- check out his "I hate everything" posts to Pansy. And speaking of Pansy! So, Draco's girlfriend and henchwench/partner-in-crime, Sally-Anne, has transferred, leaving him nobody to play with. It looks like Millicent has finally gotten sick of him, and Pansy-- what the hell is going on with Pansy? Her entire Girlfriend of Draco Malfoy schtick, pardon me, seems like complete bullshit-- her posts concerning him seem even more fake than normal-- or, rather, her posts concerning Draco seem just as fake as her usual posts about social arrangements and pastries do. They didn't used to be that way, though-- Pansy's posts to or about Draco used to have this little spark of sarcasm which struck me as one of the only honest things in her masses and masses of of polished and phony lj-posts. Like, when he was upset after Colin Creevey lauched his capslock attack, and Pansy and Millicent showed that they really /were/ his friends with all the tying up and kidnapping and sitting upon? All the actual caring that we saw in those posts is completely absent from the way she's been acting as Draco's "girlfriend", and its' creepy-- especially now that Millicent seems to have given up on him too. So, why is Pansy being fake? Why is she his girlfriend at all? Is she a beard, or what?
Anyway. With the possible exception of Pansy (with whom I definitely think something weird is going on), Draco, even pre-offensive-entry, is totally alone-- even more alone than he was after Colin, acting as a mouthpeice for the whole school, bawled him out. He's alone-- except for Harry Potter, whom Draco, I would guess much against his will, is actually starting to get along with and like. And, for whatever reason-- slash or no-- he was so freaked out by this that he decided to drive Harry away. Self-destructive? I'm not sure. My slasher take on it (and I love that this take is not necessarily canon-- I'm making a subtext-based analysis as much as I would be of something I was watching in the mainstream media. Tremendous kudos to all of you for that.) is a more direct explanation than the non-slash one: Draco, unexpectedly and probably subconsciously (until, I'm guessing, Seamus posted his "scoundrel" reply), had been nursing a crush on Harry Potter. The submerged attraction had probably been there for quite a long time-- as Ron keeps bringing up, Draco had been stalking Harry to try to get his attention since first year-- but I don't think Draco started to realize it-- however slowly-- until this semester. I would guess that his first inklings (again, probably subconscious) corresponded to his sudden ignoring of Harry, and to his desperate, offensive, and obnoxious bid at completely establishing his heterosexuality-- the disgusting entries about the physical statistics of the girls of each house, the disastrous series of dates, and, possibly, his recent hooking up with Pansy. Unfortunately for Draco and his repress-and-deny mission, Harry decided to befriend him, and as they started spending more time together, they started to actually like each other-- and whatever it was that Draco had been suppressing reached a boiling point. Draco then acted just as many, many people who are deep in denial do-- at first he had ignored the fact that he had feelings for somebody of his own sex, but when his crush (or at least the fact that there was /something/ going on with another boy) became too prominent to brush off, he explained away the now undeniable sexual tension between himself and Harry by rationalizing that it was all coming from Harry-- he's the faggot, he's in love with me. At this point, Draco, trying to salvage his (still probably unconscious) denial, panicked-- he HAD to dissociate himself from Harry Potter. Even better than just publicly pushing Harry away, he tried to dismiss it as a joke (and, characteristically, as an incredibly nasty one)-- both stating and delegitimizing the entire mess at once-- probably why he reacted so strongly when Seamus pointed out that it wasn't a joke after all. It was this state of total panic-- as well as the general awful emotional state he's been in due to the apparent breakup of his family-- that spawned the incredible viciousness of his original remarks (which I think are one of the brilliant and most hard-hitting parts of the entire thread-- whoever plays potterstinks, thank you SO much for using "queer" like the authentic hate-speech that it can be. That was incredibly brave, and true to character, and just an emotional kick in the stomach-- gorgeous.) Draco, terrified (but still in denial) lashed out at Harry, and promptly had the entire school-- /and his parents/-- give him a sound and brutal thrashing for it. That triggered what I think the fact that he apparently actually was vomiting shows was pretty much a total nervous breakdown-- Draco's entire world had collapsed at once. He was just irate for a while in the comments-- enraged, heh-- responding with the same venom that he had to Pansy and that was obviously just an expression of his foul mood over what was going on with his parents. I suspect that Seamus' post was what finally shattered his repression about his feelings for Harry-- after that, his posts stop being nasty-- they're still mean, but they're also almost frighteningly panicked and out of control. His capslock war with Ron-- while totally hilarious-- is kind of scary, just because of the degree to which this kid is /completely freaking out/-- his "I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING!" is so desperate and horrified that I feel sorry for the little fucker. "IT'S NOT FAIR", I think, is the essence of that post-- and, like Seamus said in his comment to the original Offensive Entry, a rare piece of emotional truth. It isn't the only piece of emotional truth in that set of replies, though, and the fact that Draco is at a point where he's slipping his honest feelings to, of all people, RON, says a lot about his mental state. So after the devastating shove out of his own personal closet at the hands of Seamus and Ron, what happens? He argues with his mother, which must hurt-- but he can still be pissed off at her, and he can be pissed off at his teachers when they deduct points etc. Then comes the bitchslap from Lucius, which shuts everyone up-- and, ouch. Just-- ouch. Draco Malfoy is not in a very happy place right now, and I really, really want to see what happens next.
[HAHAHAHA MRS WEASLEY JUST SENT DRACO A HOWLER!
...HOLY SHIT. IT'S A SOUND FILE. *SPASM* ]
In conclusion:
OH MY FUCKING GOD. YOU ARE ALL BRILLIANT. I've been regarding this as, like-- a fabulous performance by an improv drama troupe, and this. Just. Takes the cake. This is the best-executed RPG I have /ever/ seen. This is so beautifully and masterfully and thorougly done. To everyone I know who's involved, I am totally proud of you. To all the players-- man. You have so much of my respect, because this performance is just MAGNIFICENT.
*blown away*
Comments:
| sarahtales @ April 26 2003, 18:17:09 UTC |
I agree completely.
<lj user="potterstinks". has broken my heart. His situation? God. yes. I could not feel more sorry for him.
| tropes @ April 26 2003, 18:18:33 UTC |
Erp. Thoughtful post, but would you mind maybe putting it behind a cut tag? Pwetty pwease?
(parent)| tropes @ April 26 2003, 18:25:11 UTC |
Oh, it's fine, it's just that it popped up on my friends list and I was like, "GAH!" It really is a great post.
(parent)| weatherby @ April 26 2003, 18:29:43 UTC |
Regarding Sirius, my feeling is that Sirius really wasn't looking at Draco as a student. Draco was someone who had hurt his godson, and I think the other teachers know that, too. While they (particularly McGonagall, I would think) likely don't condone his actions, I think if they said anything to him it would be in private.
(parent)| adrienneherbst @ April 26 2003, 19:24:27 UTC |
*nod* I guess? But, like, Sirius has done it soo many times already? Hmm. Yeah, about the private thing-- I don't think McGonagall would be too into showing disunity among the staff in lj.
(parent)| wednesday_tea @ April 26 2003, 18:29:59 UTC |
Oh my god, that was amazingly well thought out. :D Kudos. I agree with all of your points, especially those about Draco's nervous breakdown. Poor kid.
(parent) |
Anonymous @ April 26 2003, 18:56:56 UTC |
Yow, interesting 1st post. I agree with many of your points, as well as the extreme love and admiration I share for all the roleplayers.
I also <3 muchly the Weasleys. :)
Re: Draco and his isolation/aloneness...
I feel like I can get a bit where PS's coming from (there have been some good posts here on his motives/thoughts/background in Nraged). I can sympathize with how shitty it must be to be him now. I can even feel like certain reactions by the teachers aren't quite fair/professional as they should be (although I think Sirius, always a hothead, was acting as a parent/big brother, not a teacher, still...).
But, sad as it is, PS has brought almost all his pain upon himself with his own actions. Perhaps he wouldn't be so alone if he wasn't so hateful and bullying to almost everyone but a few select Slytherins.
I mean, it's amusing to read, but from the way he's treated his "dates", to sending Ron spiders,... all the way back to Neville's toad, he's made it a point to be *actively* spiteful to those around him in word and deed.
| adrienneherbst @ April 26 2003, 19:11:19 UTC |
I guess I didn't really say so in the post, but I think you are right. I think, like-- PS's horrible behavior does come from a place of pain and inability to deal, and it's fun to analyze, but while I feel bad for him and his intense screwed-uppedness, I really /don't/ think any of it is condonable. Like, the way he's been abusing those girls? AWFUL. Screwing around with Ron in London? Pathetic, and despicable. Pouring buckets of blood [fake, but I don't think that matters] on people? That, like-- that was so INCREDIBLY horrible that I can't believe he wasn't more severely punished for it, because, oh, my god. I think I can feel sorry for him for this whole Harry business because this, more than his random spite and general horribleness (which is just nasty and petty and totally inexcusable, I think), is an expression of his own totally screwed up mental state. I do feel bad for the kid, but I still went "HA" when Snape took away all his points. X
(parent) |
Anonymous @ April 26 2003, 20:23:14 UTC |
:)
I liked your analysis. Just had to add my annoying 2 cents because even though he's messed up and it sucks to be him now, he's not exactly a poor, harmless bunny.
Though, it's really kind of funny, even as it's very sad, the way he's his own worst enemy. I knew as soon as I read his post that he was in for Trouble, what with almost every adult male character being gay. And as the thread continued, I think he managed to piss off almost everyone else.
The thing that pained me most about his most-replied-to-ever post was his spite again. He was trying to hurt just_harry. The homophobia was almost just a very ill-considered weapon, and yes, (if you believe him that he was just joking) he got off a way more painful shot than he thought he would. But he was still taking a shot.
Ah, It's all messed up. le sigh.
I laughed when Snape took the points too. :)
| moonlitpages @ April 26 2003, 18:58:40 UTC |
I second- that was brilliant. I have absolutely nothing to add. I think your deconstruction of PS's behavior and his subsequent melt down was spot on. *two thumbs up*
longandhorriblypretentious first post. Hopefully the first of many! I'm going to have to read that over again when I'm less tired and perhaps form a halfway intelligent response *laughs*.
|
Anonymous @ April 26 2003, 18:58:45 UTC |
Thank you so much for your post! It's exactly how I feel. PS had no right to behave the way he did, but it's really because he himself could not contain all the inner angst. Everything he knew to be true or thought he could rely upon completely fell apart. The NA plot is so realistic, why PS did what he did makes sense... (rather, it makes sense that PS did something so awful and senseless in a fit of rage).
I feel that I should send at e-mail to both j_h and ps, but then I would also like to congratulate and thank the players for a wonderful job done... and that would be OOC, wouldn't it? Ah well.
-- emjay (sorry, no LJ)
| adrienneherbst @ April 26 2003, 22:02:54 UTC very very very welcome! |
*loves all over all Weasleys* :D
(parent) |
ex_meiko437 @ April 26 2003, 20:06:11 UTC |
you all are wonderful RPers. The Weasleys are my favorite-- all of them.
(parent)| sheron @ April 26 2003, 19:17:22 UTC |
[So after the devastating shove out of his own personal closet at the hands of Seamus and Ron, what happens? He argues with his mother, which must hurt-- but he can still be pissed off at her, and he can be pissed off at his teachers when they deduct points etc. Then comes the bitchslap from Lucius, which shuts everyone up]
You're talking about the 'NOT FAIR' thread when you meantion Seamus and Ron, right?
Actually, draco argued with his mother towards the end of that long thread, then his father shut him up, then he was having an emotional breakdown with Ron.
| adrienneherbst @ April 26 2003, 19:22:03 UTC |
I was talking about the thread in the original post where Ron is like, "HAH, YEAH RIGHT!" and Seamus tells Ron to go talk to Harry and both Ron and Draco are like, "OMG WHAT? HE REALLY IS GAY?!?!"-- and then right after Seamus posts with his "this is the only piece of emotional truth in this entire entry; you are a scoundrel" thingy and Draco freaks out some more.
*skitters off*
| sistermagpie @ April 26 2003, 20:15:29 UTC |
Excellent post! A few small things I'd like to add.:-)
First, I totally agree with your reaction about Sirius. He's an interesting character but if I were a student I would steer clear of him. He always seems a little dangerously unprofessional. No, I don't know what I really mean by dangerously.:-) For me, the moment that stands out was a while ago when I believe he accused Draco (via innuendo) of being gay himself. This is something that I'm pretty sure would get him in serious trouble and it's another reason his response here makes me uncomfortable. It poked into such a dangerous area of any student, especially this one, that I couldn't figure out what on earth he was thinking!
Now on to Narcissa because I know I'm coming across as her biggest basher (or maybe I'm just being paranoid) but I'm really not. I realize she's trying and I'm really not angry at her for the way she is. But my reaction is much like yours is with Sirius. As a mother she unfortunately wields an incredible amount of power over Draco and careless remarks about him that make it clear she just hasn't reached the level of care that one would expect of a mother are devestating. It must be especially painful now that the Weasleys are on--Molly is the total opposite of Narcissa. Her criticisms of her children are as full of love as her I LOVE YOU RON WEASLEY post. She doesn't only love her kids because they're hers she loves them all individually for all their quirks.
Narcissa is trying but in a way that makes it more painful. This is the best she can do here because she just doesn't feel the way about Draco that Molly feels about Ron. That doesn't mean she can't be a good mother; everyone is different and Narcissa has plenty of time to make things better. But right now, at possibly the lowest moment of Draco's life, she's still not able to be there for him. What's worse is that this is a situation when all her vanity and spaciness, usually kind of endearing, are hurtful. Even her recent steps towards understanding work against Draco because she's just reformed enough to be angry at him for insulting Remus and Lupin and that's it. She can't help him. She's trying to like him, but can't stop complaining about how he isn't making it easy or wanting him to fit certain molds she has in her mind.
| catiadoodle @ April 27 2003, 02:20:22 UTC great analysis |
[Harry decided to befriend him, and as they started spending more time together, they started to actually like each other-- and whatever it was that Draco had been suppressing reached a boiling point. Draco then acted just as many, many people who are deep in denial do-- at first he had ignored the fact that he had feelings for somebody of his own sex, but when his crush (or at least the fact that there was /something/ going on with another boy) became too prominent to brush off, he explained away the now undeniable sexual tension between himself and Harry by rationalizing that it was all coming from Harry-- he's the faggot, he's in love with me. At this point, Draco, trying to salvage his (still probably unconscious) denial, panicked-- he HAD to dissociate himself from Harry Potter.]
This is exactly what I thought! A person in denial will always put the blame on the other. When PS's doubts about his own sexuality got too strong, he just decided to break with JH, accusing him of what he is deeply scared of being himself: a queer.
Thank you for this great analysis of PS's character and reactions!
| sistermagpie @ April 27 2003, 10:30:27 UTC Re: great analysis |
This was my first impression too, but I think we're avoiding a big thing here: that Draco apparently really was sickened by the idea. This does not mean, of course, that Draco isn't gay and repressing it. But his accounts of events are apparently totally honest.
That means that Draco isn't just projecting his own feelings onto Harry (not saying he isn't, just saying that that's not all that's going on), because Harry really was the person to introduce sex into the equation with what Draco thought was a joke of wanting to kiss him. It's possible that Draco heard the joke, realized he really did want to kiss Harry, ran away and punished himself by sticking a finger down his throat but...the induced vomiting really does seem more in keeping with Draco's own impression of the situation: he had been touched, if only through a joke, by something unclean and this required a violent purging of his system, like he had swallowed something poisonous. Is the poisonous thing just Draco's own desires he wants to vomit out? Could be...but then when he finds out that Harry was serious about coming on to him he vomits for real. It's understandable that Draco really is unaware of his own sexuality if this is his reaction. It's hard to feel aroused when you're puking.
So, I dunno. I do think he seems like he's gay and in denial. I do think he's been unconsciously chasing Harry for years. I do think he projects many fears (not just the sexual ones) onto Harry, always casting Harry as the monster. But I think his fear at being a "queer" has some hidden meaning for him that goes beyond Colin's fear of the same thing. Colin is afraid of people thinking he's gay, and he, too, is in a panic about his own pursuit of Harry over the years because of it. But Draco's reaction seems to go beyond that; his fears about gay people seem not unlike his feelings about werewolves. You get bitten, you turn into one. They are dangerous predators. I want to know why this is more of a terror for him than it is for other people, especially given that his parents this time aren't the ones feeding him the idea. Lucius is a prejudiced man and he has certainly raised a son who is one too. I just wonder why the group Draco has chosen as his worst enemy is one of which his father approves--is even one of.
| slinkhard @ April 27 2003, 05:45:33 UTC |
Gotta agree, especially re: Sirius. Even in canon, he has a lack of self control which seems odd for one who spent so long in Azkaban. I mean, his player's keeping it wonderfully IC, but JK's version strikes me as pretty much unaffected by prison, when one would assume it would calm him.
Sirius makes it difficult for people to trust him when he loses his temper so frequently, although I doubt he's aware of it.
For instance, in PoA, when he slashes the portrait, or when he wants to kill Peter before telling Harry why.
IMO, he attacked completely inappropriately to potterstinks, who is, despite his faults, a child aping his father and a child who is scared, lonely and unhappy.
| altricial @ April 27 2003, 09:12:08 UTC |
Okay, I think Sirius is Ron in 20 years. Imagine Ron, as a professor, seeing a Malfoy/Slytherin/SomethingEvilish viciously picking on his son, do you think he'll care about student/teacher conduct? Sirius is impulsive, and he was in Azkaban for so long he probably never had the chance to really grow up. The way he handled Draco the other night is as true a portrayal of Sirius as you can get. Just my two cents.
I am with the Weasley love too :D :D :D