| blondenarcissa @ 2003-05-30 22:48:00 |
| Current mood: |  melancholy |
It's been ever so difficult being here at Mother's house when so much of the life that I so loved about it is now gone. Mother is in one of the parlours and I cannot bear to go in there and look upon her dear face. As much as I am grieving, I do fear that Draco may be taking Mother's death harder than myself. Often times when I see him and ask where he had gotten himself to in the Manor he tells me that he has just come from viewing Mother. She did so dote on him in her own way, I suppose one could say.
At the very least, she tolerated his presence more than she ever did mine.
I do not know for which reason I am more sad: that Mother is gone now or that I never had the chance to have the sort of relationship with her that I wanted very badly.
Mother and I were never very close and Father, Merlin rest his soul, and I were even less close. He was always away on business and I never blamed him for his absense in my formative years. I was perfectly content to be around Mother whom I admired so greatly. She was often quite aloof with me and all I ever wanted was to please her and for the two of us to be close with one another. Before I left Lucius for a small period of time and stayed with Remus and Sirius at Dogear Wryde I had thought that perhaps finally Mother was becoming interested in getting to know me as a person rather than just the beautiful, socially-revered daughter who shared her last name. The holiday we spent at Christmastime together gave me hope as Mother never went on shopping trips with me before. She had even confided that she felt Draco was growing into an upstanding young man and I was proud that she thought so highly of my son. Admittedly this was the first compliment she had paid me in some time. However, any progress that was being made I managed to shatter the moment I apparated on Mother's doorstep asking her to take me in after taking my leave of Lucius. She was most disappointed in me and her tone and demeanor will haunt me to this very day.
All I wanted was to be worthy of Mother's love and I will never know now if she truly loved me.
Aunt Mallory refuses to speak to me and also refuses to leave Mother's Manor. She and Mother did not really get along and I am confused as to why she would have placed galleon's on Mother's eyes as she did. Since the reading of the will this morning she has become even more obstinate and has given my Draco a number of scathing looks. Lucius managed to run the horrid harpy out of our wing for a time after that. It is not his fault that his grandmother left him her estate. I do not understand all the legalities and such but it will become in Draco's possession after his 21st birthday along with a nice sum of money. Mother also left me a bit of money but it is not
what I wanted from her. Ever.
All I wanted was to know that she loved me.
I hope Draco knows that I love him.
The funeral is tomorrow. I do not know how I shall make it through the morning.
Comments:
| just_harry @ 2003-05-31 11:15 am UTC |
I'm really, really sorry, Mrs Malfoy. I tried to think of something better to say, but I guess all I really have to say is that I'm sorry.
| blondenarcissa @ 2003-05-31 06:01 pm UTC |
Harry,
Thank you so very much for thinking of me during this difficult time. I am grateful that a young man such as yourself would take time to think of others before himself. Your concern is appreciated.
Narcissa Peltier Malfoy
| lupercus @ 2003-05-31 12:42 pm UTC |
You and your family have my deepest condolences, Narcissa. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Let me know if there is anything at all that I or Sirius can do for you. You need only owl.
- Remus
| blondenarcissa @ 2003-05-31 06:04 pm UTC |
Remus,
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I might like to visit with you this week if that is all right with you. We shall be leaving Cannes tomorrow evening for Malfoy Manor and you can either respond here with a place and time or simply owl me at home.
Narcissa