| deanthomas @ 2004-04-23 12:20:00 |
| Current mood: |  determined |
So...
I haven't written in here since everything happened. The things I usually write about seem so wrong. Hair? Break dancing? Paint brushes? My undying dislike of Quidditch? Yeah. -_-
I wrote my Mum a letter instead. I typed the address so that it doesn't look like my handwriting, and, well, I guess I'll have to find a way to get it to the muggle post. If an Owl comes to the window Dad'll just shoo it away. But hopefully my Mum will read this. I told her about what happened. I told her that people are dying, people are risking their lives. Good people...the Weasleys, my God. I told her that there is a War and that I'm not leaving. If she and Dad want to pretend I don't exist, that's one thing, but one day I really might not exist, and they need to know that. They need to know that I love them despite all their efforts to make me not.
I'd been thinking about easing myself back into the Muggle world after Hogwarts, you see. See if I could get into Goldsmiths or some other art school. But that's all changed now. I'm not the most brilliant wizard that ever graced this school, but I was born with magic for a reason.
I don't plan on wasting it anymore.
Comments:
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-23 10:50 am UTC |
But you were born with artistic talent for a reason, too, and you shouldn't waste that either. Surely you don't have to choose. At least, you shouldn't have to choose.
You'd better take care, now. I'm not losing anyone else, and I mean that. I don't want to be faced with not being able to do anything for you. But I never thought you wouldn't be with us, anyway.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-23 11:00 am UTC |
I always sort of thought of myself as an artist first and foremost, though. Right now I need to be a wizard. An artist can't do much in a War. Doesn't mean I'll stop doing art, mind, just means a shift in priorities.
No, This can't happen again.
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-23 11:04 am UTC |
Well, so long as you don't stop.
I think everyone's priorities are shifting. I had been thinking, especially after last spring, that I'd like to work with children, but right now, Pomfrey and I are doing almost nothing but Reversal of Magical Maladies and other patching up things. I hope I'll be ready, is all I can say.
I hope I won't be needed, too.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-23 11:18 am UTC |
I hope you wont be, either. But I'm glad you'll be there in case someone does need you.
It wasn't that long ago that Geroge and Charlie were children--doesn't seem like it, anyway. I miss them.
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-23 12:01 pm UTC |
Miss them doesn't seem like a strong enough word. Thanks for, well, the weekend. I really needed the--well, you know. The support.
And you know, you don't have to fall ill; I'll pay attention to you anyway.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-23 12:40 pm UTC |
You were closer to both of them. And it was no trouble at all. You didn't even have to ask.
Ha! Well that's good to know as I've no plans to fall ill or get hexed. Would rather be the one doing the hexing at this point.
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-24 12:23 am UTC |
When did you become all butch all of a sudden?
Do you know next Saturday is Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch? I am not looking forward to working that match. I have a bad feeling it will be quite ugly the way certain people have been talking lately.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 12:35 am UTC |
I thought I always was quite butch, thank you very much.
Well, you know how I feel about quidditch. Think I'll make an effort to see this match though. And be on guard, of course. Ugliness is to be avoided if at all possible.
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-24 01:13 am UTC |
You were always butch enough for me but I've never seen Warrior Dean. Not that, you know, I really wanted to and all, but still.
You could watch from the sidelines with me, if you like. Oh, and don't let Remus sway you. He gets melancholy, that one.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 09:12 am UTC |
Warrior? Er, no. This is just me being definite and determined.
Sure, I'll watch with you. You can explain to me what's going on.
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-24 09:19 am UTC |
Then I suppose I haven't seen you this determined. Well, it looks good on you.
If you don't know what is going on by now, after nearly seven years, you never never will. And to be honest, I wouldn't want you to, somehow.
Don't let him get to you. He seems to feed on agression. I like to present a smooth surface and then watch him spin himself into butter in his frustration.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 09:23 am UTC |
Thanks. Don't talk me up though, or I'll start strutting.
Oh, I think I know the basics. I can tell when a goal is scored, anyway. That's all one really needs know, right?
I'm not being aggressive, I'm being truthful. And I'm not even all worked up. There's just no time for his rubbish, you know?
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-24 09:31 am UTC |
You're right of course. We've let some things go in the past, for good reason, but that time is over. And that's what it is, rubbish. I'll leave you to it but you should come to Hogsmeade, yeah?
(parent)| wheresmytoad @ 2004-04-23 03:56 pm UTC |
I reckon you're wrong about one thing, Dean: I think an artist can do a lot in a war, and I don't mean putting down the paintbrush to fight, either. An artist does art to help us all remember what it is we're fighting for. Sometimes that's the only thing that makes us hang on.
I just have a hunch that You Know Who doesn't have the slightest use for artists.
Which makes me think that we must need them an awful lot.
| seamus_f @ 2004-04-24 09:21 am UTC |
Yes, thank you Neville. Very well said.
You're okay? How is the new little tree, what did you call it?
| wheresmytoad @ 2004-04-24 10:18 am UTC |
Well, too soon to tell, maybe. On both me and the tree.
But I'm hoping it'll take root.
I'd like to go into town with you this afternoon. Can we stop in at Wherebooks? Not that I'm particularly eager to see Diana what's-her-name, you understand, but I would like to talk to Professor Lupin.
| lupercus @ 2004-04-23 11:24 pm UTC |
God, I hate to see these words coming out of the mouth of a second generation.
I am so, so sorry for this.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-23 11:58 pm UTC |
It's not just words. I mean them.
I'm sorry too. I guess we all are. No time to wallow around in that, though.
| lupercus @ 2004-04-24 12:09 am UTC |
That's the worst bit. That you mean them. You shouldn't have to.
But there we are, you do mean them.
My God.
| lupercus @ 2004-04-24 12:40 am UTC |
No, it's really not okay, Dean. Not at all okay.
And I'm not your professor anymore, you know. Please, you can call me Remus.
It's no time for formalities anymore, anyway.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 12:44 am UTC |
It's okay right now. At this moment, it just is. I've never felt so sure about something before.
I'm not naive. I know I might die. Seamus might. Harry might. Neville. Ron. But I'm not just going to wait for it, or hide, or hope for the best.
I guess times like these mean making a choice and standing by it. Finally and completely.
Sorry Remus. I keep forgetting.
| lupercus @ 2004-04-24 12:50 am UTC |
You don't understand, but then I don't think you're supposed to. This is all new, for you.
But you sound so much like someone I once knew. So much, and he was brave and everything a Gryffindor ought to be, so you should be proud of that. I certainly was, to call him my friend.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 12:54 am UTC |
It is new. Sorry it's so familiar to you, though.
Thank you. Since you're using past tense, I guess he didn't live to see this all happening again, did he?
| lupercus @ 2004-04-24 01:01 am UTC |
No, he did not. Neither did his lovely wife. Though they left us a rather brilliant heirloom.
Their fate, however, does not have to be yours. They were betrayed. You will be careful.
Please, be careful.
| lupercus @ 2004-04-24 01:05 am UTC |
Good boy.
My, I love a good discussion of a dire subject before bed, don't you?
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 01:11 am UTC |
Not usually, no, but it helped actually. Gave me a different perspective, if you will.
'Night, Remus. Sleep well. I know I'll try to.
| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 07:46 am UTC |
Well, at least you've come to terms with the fact that you're a waste of magic.
| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 09:20 am UTC |
Come now. You can take it. You piddling little gnome's cock.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 09:27 am UTC |
Did you actually think I was saying as much to imply that I 'cannot take it'? This is sad. You do realise that swear words really mean nothing, yes? I mean, you might as well have just called me a majestic tree and it would have all the same effect.
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 09:44 am UTC |
Do you know what really means nothing? Anything that comes out of your smug, cowardly pie-hole. It's no more significant than a heap of mouldering rubbish, or a wart on a toad's back. It inspires only mild revulsion and a desire to wash ones' hands thoroughly. I'm through putting on a polite face to you. There's hardly a reason to these days. And since I would never give a heap of mouldering rubbish the time of day, let alone a polite conversation, I'll give you nothing better.
| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 09:48 am UTC |
And yet, you've just written an entire paragraph to me. Besides, if it meant nothing, surely you wouldn't be so angry. What a moron.
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 09:52 am UTC |
Not angry. Just interested in airing the truth. I don't feel anger towards rubbish pile after all. It's just something to walk carefully around and hope you don't soak your shoes. Today, it seems I felt like walking straight through the pile.
Now you'll excuse me, I'm sure, as I must go scrub my feet and find fresh socks.
| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 09:54 am UTC |
Oh, but see, you've sworn at me. Do you always swear at piles of rubbish that aren't bothering you? You may want to seek help.
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 09:57 am UTC |
When they ruin my shoes and socks, yes. But worry not, I've changed my footwear.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 10:00 am UTC |
Yet you continue to answer. After all that about having nothing to say, too. I'm disappointed in your lack of convictions, Thomas.
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 10:05 am UTC |
Because I refuse to let a rubbish heap have the last word. Even if that word is itself quite rubbishy in nature.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 10:06 am UTC |
If you're that resigned about it, clearly you're bothered by the idea of me having the last word.
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 10:11 am UTC |
All rubbish has got to be cleaned up and disposed of at some point. Consider this my efforts to get you out of my way so I won't soil my fresh clean socks. As for last words: just don't want any rubbish left laying around, you know? I'm just tidy like that.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 10:16 am UTC |
I think your rubbish fetish has gone a bit over the top, don't you? You've devoted far too much time to developing your dumb comparison. I'm certain this battle of wits shall be exhilirating. My wits versus your complete opposite thereof.
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 10:21 am UTC |
Sorry, I have better things to battle than your so-called wits. Got a shopping date, anyway.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 10:25 am UTC |
Well, my lord, that is exciting! Perhaps you can purchase a brain!
(parent)| deanthomas @ 2004-04-24 10:34 am UTC |
Whatever for? I've no need to purchase a gift for you.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2004-04-24 11:33 am UTC |
Oh, you're still here? I've just taken a shower. Actually, I thought you'd buy a brain for yourself. It would be best to have one to avoid being killed, don't you think?
(parent)