| percyneedsalife in nocturne_alley @ 2003-08-03 23:17:00 |
| Current mood: |  curious |
Attn: Fred
Have you seen Mum? Dad just owled. Forgot question mark, made it look like Mum was coming here. Panicked and had to hide several unmentionables. Don't go in my room for a while. Or the cellar. Or the hall closet. Anyway. Seen Mum?
Comments:
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:20 pm UTC |
Of course, George. I'm keeping Mum in my back pocket. Didn't you notice the smell of scones? I dunno, I saw her leaving last night. Looked pretty cross. Figured it was because of you.
P.S. It's turning aquamarine.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:27 pm UTC |
Because of ME? I'm not the one who-- Actually, I don't know what we did. Ha! Funny that Dad didn't know though. Maybe she went to pick up groceries?
PS: Aquamarine? Are you sure it's not teal?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:30 pm UTC |
Well I didn't do anything so I reckoned it had to be you. Do you think she's on a twenty four hour grocery run? The woman's a bit crazed, but that seems a little much. Still, maybe she's being really fussy. Wheat or rye? So many decisions.
P.S. If it was teal, I would say teal. More hair, do you think?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:36 pm UTC |
Hmm. I reckon you've got a point there. Maybe she got mugged in the parking lot or something.
PS: More hair it is then.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:38 pm UTC |
Oh, good job of that. Now if Mum gets attacked it's going to look like you sent someone to do it. 'This is for George!' Insert gratuitous violence.
. . . Did you send someone to attack Mum?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:41 pm UTC |
That's right. I hired someone to mug Mum and leave her cold, dead body on the cement in front of Greene's Grocers. Now that you've discovered my evil plan I must kill you too. Hold still while I find a shovel.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:43 pm UTC |
You couldn't even do it yourself? You had to hire someone else to do it? That's cold, George. Mum deserves better.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:46 pm UTC |
That was uncalled for. I'm sure even in death Mum is making sure to dress warmly. You underestimate her scarves.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:55 pm UTC |
What are you trying to say, son? Mum's fine, George, perfectly fine. Just as soon as the deposit gets dropped off you'll have her back, same as she was more or less.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 08:59 pm UTC |
I'm not paying. Owl Dad for that one. I learned my lesson from that time I sold Percy's kneazle to the circus.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:01 pm UTC |
Oi! I never got my share of that, you dirty old man! Oh, whoops, hang on, have to go wax my handlebar moustache and practise tying women to train tracks, back in a jiffy.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:03 pm UTC |
I'll be here cackling evilly and telling my enemies my ultimate plans. And moving all my stuffs out from the hall closet.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:05 pm UTC |
Trying to steal my thunder, I see. Thanks for warning me, by the way. I'm sure you moved all my unmentionables while you were battening down the hatches. Right?
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:08 pm UTC |
Uh, George, I think it's moving.
Hold it, is Mum really missing?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:12 pm UTC |
Moving? I don't think that's a good sign.
No, Mum isn't really missing. I just enjoy randomly freaking out and shoving everything into closets.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:14 pm UTC |
False alarm! That was me.
I didn't know your first instinct about Mum being missing was to redecorate, you see. Any possibility she's swiftly stalking us through the merciless night? Standing in the hedges with an egg beater in one hand and clean shorts in the other?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:18 pm UTC |
You never know, with that one. But if she IS standing outside I hope she has the decency to come in and make us tea and do our laundry.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:21 pm UTC |
And clean up a bit! Oi! What good's a mum if she's not going to clean your house after you've grown and moved out? I mean really. This mantle won't clean itself.
Right. Something's happened to Mum. Where's the great Percifer? Trying to remove that 666 I put on him last night, no doubt. I reckon he's got her exact location pinpointed on a map somewhere, probably in the toilet.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:25 pm UTC |
Don't forget the tail I added to complete the devil motif. Should we send out a search expedition then? I'll check Brazil, you head for Siberia, we'll meet somewhere in the middle.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 09:29 pm UTC |
I thought I'd start small, you know, the kitchen, see if she's in the breadbox.
Oh god.
George, it just swallowed the bench.
OFF TO PERCY'S!
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:08 pm UTC |
That's for us to know, and you to become paranoid over.
(parent)| perfectprefect @ 2003-08-03 10:13 pm UTC |
I will have you know that my locking charms are first rate.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:15 pm UTC |
You just keep telling yourself that, Percy my lad.
(parent)| perfectprefect @ 2003-08-03 10:17 pm UTC |
Why are you in my flat? What have you done with Mother?
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:20 pm UTC |
I think the better question is, what has Mum done with us?
(parent)| perfectprefect @ 2003-08-03 10:27 pm UTC |
Mother is missing and you are still making jokes. Do you have no concern for the situation?
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:15 pm UTC |
Oh, never mind. World's best THESPIANS. Wow, the excitement.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:17 pm UTC |
Oh, then I guess I shouldn't worry about this folder marked 'CUNNING LINGUISTICS.'
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:20 pm UTC |
Don't bother with 'The Cry of the Cock', it's a nonfiction page about ROOSTERS. Honestly, Perce.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:23 pm UTC |
I'm offended you would think I'd be interested in chickens.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:25 pm UTC |
Cheers! There's an email in his inbox titled 'Holidays Down Under' but it's just a free vacation to Australia. This is dull, even for Percy.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:29 pm UTC |
I checked under his mattress. All he has is a Russian dictionary and a history on Mer people. Percy, Percy, Percy. This is sad.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:31 pm UTC |
Nothing in his sock drawer but socks. And if you pay attention, they're alphabetised by colour name. George, I'm scared.
(parent) percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:33 pm UTC |
Perish the thought!!
Well now we have to do it. It's our brotherly duty.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:41 pm UTC |
Is that what I think it is?
PERCY IGNATIUS WEASLEY. GET HOME RIGHT NOW, YOUNG MAN. YOU HAVE A TIE RACK. A TIE RACK. WE NEED A WORD.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:43 pm UTC |
There are no words to describe my horror.
Well, there is a word. But it's not really a word so much as a sound.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:44 pm UTC |
There's a picture of the Minister in the bedroom. Except he's just standing there looking really vague like he doesn't understand what he's doing there. I can't take this. It breaks my heart.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:48 pm UTC |
Sure, Perce. The Minister's giving out photos for the Ministry Christmas party, is that it?
Actually, it's Fudge, so that sounds about right. Consider yourself lucky this time.
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:46 pm UTC |
I can really see his kitchen in polka dots. Spice it up a bit.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:48 pm UTC |
And pink frills for his windows. I have a vision!
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:49 pm UTC |
Ooh. Avant-garde. I think Percy'd really like to go MINIMAL.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:52 pm UTC |
I think we could do something with the couch to really make it pop.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:24 pm UTC |
George: The couch has popped. I repeat, the couch has popped.
Who knew Percy had a down feather couch?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:26 pm UTC |
George, there's feathers up to my ankles.
Feather swimming!
| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 10:04 pm UTC |
I forgot the question mark? I was thinking about it in my head but I guess I just didn't write it down so it should have been "Mum's there?" not just "Mum's there" so sorry about that, lads, but she isn't there??
| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 10:26 pm UTC |
She's not at the bleeding grocery store at this time of bleeding night
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:29 pm UTC |
Well that was a bit shirty, Dad. Is Percy our new mummy?
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 10:30 pm UTC |
See if he's got any pages bookmarked and if he's been looking up child-rearing, you two could do with a bit more while you're there
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:33 pm UTC |
Trust me, I've already looked up spanking. Nothing there.
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 10:34 pm UTC |
There's your answer, now find your mother for me!!!!!1
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:37 pm UTC |
Well, where did you have her last? It's always the last place you look, you know. Checked Ron's room?
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:08 pm UTC |
Language, there! Where did you have her last? Pull yourself together, man!
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 11:13 pm UTC |
She was there before I turned around and then when I turned back she wasn't!!!! At Dogear!!! I thought she might have just left early but I got home and she's not here anywhere
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:17 pm UTC |
Oh, that! She stormed out when you were chatting to that Parkinson witch. Blew all sorts of debris around when she Apparated. She must've been pretty angry.
So Dad, do you know anything about reassembling couches? Percy's just kind of popped.
| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 11:26 pm UTC |
She what when? Why? I was thanking Miss Parkinson for cracking my neck and then she was asking about the latest toaster raids and it was the first decent conversation I'd had with anyone all night and bleeding hell.
I'll get Mundungus onto the couch thing if you want?
| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:30 pm UTC |
Mundungus Fletcher? DAD IT'S A COUCH, WE DON'T HAVE TO GET DRASTIC.
I dunno, Dad, can't see why Mum would get cranky about you calling some pretty girl 'petal' and meeting her for lunch massages.
| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 11:36 pm UTC |
She's on bloody work experience and I call Ginny petal all the time too and she got the sodding crick out of my neck is all! Your mother's a right old bat and she'd better be home soon or I'm going to attempt to cook >:O
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:40 pm UTC |
DAD. If you call Mum an old bat at home no wonder she ran away.
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 11:41 pm UTC |
I only call her that when she sends me out to the shed, otherwise it's all Mollykins and Molly-bear and sweetheart and precious and I'm sure I'm oversharing, son.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:55 pm UTC |
Yeah, Dad. And this time she hasn't even sent you out to the shed.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-04 12:08 am UTC |
WE'LL CHECK THE TOWN, YOU GO TO ALL THE PLACES SHE'D HIDE.
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-04 12:10 am UTC |
i think i'llconsult my good friend mister firewhistkeuy.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:49 pm UTC |
THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS WHEN SHE LEAVES! NOTE HOW SHE'S NOT AT THE BURROW? WHERE IS MUM?!?!?!?!
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 11:31 pm UTC |
That was Pansy Parkinson? Wow, she's quite the looker when she's not wearing her robes, isn't she.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2003-08-04 03:44 am UTC |
YOU SAW HER WITHOUT ROBES ON?! WHY?! WHERE;S MUM? I NEED TO SIT DOWN
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:22 pm UTC |
DAD! Terrible news: Percy doesn't have any porn on his computer. Think you might want to have a word with him about that. Has someone kidnapped Mum? They might've taught Percy how to cook first, we're going to starve.
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:26 pm UTC |
Keep an eye out. I found an apple but it turned out to be wax. Not too bad, actually.
(parent)| wehaveseven @ 2003-08-03 10:28 pm UTC |
Nobody's KIDNAPPED your mothe- WAIT, MAYBE THAT SODHEAD MALFOY HAS
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-03 10:39 pm UTC |
Get serious, Dad. Who's going to want to kidnap Mum? Are they going to chop her up into really cranky pieces?
(parent)
