percyneedsalife @ 2003-08-23 12:00:00

Current mood:

Finnish

Hullo!

Got sent to the Burrow the other day. Reckon Mum's planning to slip the Draught of Living Death into the next meal she makes for Harry when he gets back. I hope you don't mind, mate, but I took the liberty of coming up with these great sweets that only work if you give them to the vict volunteer while they're asleep, so I thought you'd like to donate your body to the science after Mum puts you under. I was just wondering, though, Harry - you're not allergic to sheep semen, are you? Just having you on. I think.

Anyway, George and I had to round up at the Burrow after we went off looking for Harry. No sign of course, but I did find signs of a great shop in Edinburgh that I had to stop off at. I got a wee bit distracted but I finally bought those garter snakes me and George have been needing. Anyway, spent a few hours there and then I figured Edinburgh had been inspected enough and I went off to Manchester. Then I had to stop for fish and chips. Oh yeah! I bought a pair of cardboard pants for Percy. I thought it would save him the trouble of having to starch his underwear if they were already cardboard. Then I got back to the Burrow and found Percy passed out on the kitchen floor with an empty bottle of cooking sherry in his hand. Poor young lass. It was a sad story! He tried to cook and from the best I can reckon it drove him to drink. Says he was just testing it while he was fiddling with the pages in some ancient cookbook that the Zulus used to cook people or some rubbish like that but I bet he's been hooching it up on the side for years. He won't even admit he has a problem.

Lucky for him George and I are such great brothers and we enrolled him into a drinking programme. He'll thank us in the end.

Mum seemed a little purple when we told her, though. That was kind of weird. I suppose she doesn't reckon Percy has a drinking problem. Didn't want to break it to her that it was her living in the shed that drove him to drink if anything.

Ron's coming down with a Floo addiction, I think, too. So Mum, you might've noticed, but you're driving all your children to debauchery. Honestly, pretty soon Ginny will start forgetting to cover her mouth when she coughs. Will you be able to live with yourself then, Mum? Will you?

Comments: