potions_master: The Unbearable Lightness of Being Dull

Current mood:	cranky
Current music:	Claude Debussy: Pelleas et Melisande

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Dull
Lupin the Stale. Imagine my surprise to find an actual retort to my post. Of course, the last news we heard of our dearest professor of magical creatures, he was busy being levitated and frothing at the mouth a la The Exorcist...with considerable less imagination. It is even more amusing that Lupin tried to drudge up a remotely clever remark from the bowels of his earth tone colored existence.

I find it laughable that Lupin has appointed himself an expert at fine dining. Now, let us make one thing clear about Lupin and food. To Lupin, a piece of meat is a piece of meat is a piece of meat. Just because there are those of us who are not afflicted with lycanthropy hardly means that he is any less inclined to enjoy Steak Tartar. As for Lupin lecturing on what merlot complements and what it does not, the thought is completely ludicrous. Lupin probably couldn't tell the difference between spaetlese and kielbasa, scheurebe and bicarbonate soda, or claret and a tub of bathwater. But that is neither here nor there.

So, before Lupin falls into one of those maudlin and puerile soliloquies on how it is simply horrible to be of the werewolf persuasion, let me just point out that he should be thanking Merlin that he IS. It is probably the singular most exciting thing about Remus "I'm Dull" Lupin. I believe that Lupin's idea of a big night consists of rearranging silverware. That is, if he could safely handle silverware. Nasty allergic reactions that the were-folk have.

It is almost painful to say that even Lupin's bisexuality is boring boring boring. You would think there would be the odd scandalous rumor here and there, but nothing…absolutely nothing. No bragging from the peanut gallery about a Lupin conquest. Not that I blame them. I feel drowsy with ennui even contemplating Mr. Mundane in coitus.

And as for any allegations that I went on food fetish outings with my dear friend Lucius Malfoy, perhaps it IS true. However, at least my activities of many years ago are more exciting than all of Lupin's extracurricular activities combined throughout his entire existence.

As for the accusation that I was attracted to Black: it is so laughable, it hardly deems an answer. But I'll try anyway. Why in the world would I be attracted now, or ever, to a pea brained half-wit with the personality of a stale piece of toast? Yes, I cannot deny that Black is easy on the eyes, but there are plenty of others around that are much prettier and a hell of a lot more interesting.

No, I have no attacks of self-doubt, thank you very much.

purestblood @ 2002-06-02 08:54 pm UTC

So good to know you still find our past activities at least somewhat exciting. Perhaps you should join me for dinner later this week, and we can..reminisce? It has been far too long since I've seen you, dear Severus.

jadedsirius @ 2002-06-02 09:53 pm UTC

Such vitriol! It appears my dear Remus must have hit a nerve with his words. Methinks thou doth protest too much, once again, Severus.

As for Remus, I hardly think a werewolf to be a boring choice for either friend or lover. Boring, to me, is a person who has more in common with his potions ingredients than people. Remus is passionate about life. The only thing you're passionate about is hate.

~Sirius