potterstinks: No subject.

I'm sure, of course, that Hogwarts looks quite big and exciting to the first years, but I for one, as a seventh year, have grown bored of the entire thing. The Sorting Feast really isn't that interesting unless you yourself are being Sorted, the Sorting Hat's songs are muddled and difficult to remember, the first years are generally too frightened to even eat without looking at you guiltily and we have to ride on those ridiculous carriages with the invisible horses. Oh, yeah, and Potter and Weasley have once again decided that they're far too good for the Hogwarts Express and have decided to forego that option for their final year. I'd like to know why the rest of us weren't given this choice. I find it rather disappointing, as I missed my usual appointment in their compartment, but I did manage to seize the opportunity and have an entire compartment to myself. At least, that was what happened in my sane, normal mind, when in reality Millicent decided to sit me with her insane, abnormal cat. That's entirely unfair. Animals smell and should be left to their own devices. I've a suspicion that her cat intentionally singles out my shoes when it decides to become ill. Scandalously enough, somehow, it avoided being ill on the entire train ride to Hogwarts.

No one seems to have done anything interesting over holidays. Millicent, of course, is hardly someone you find yourself pining for, and Goyle seems to have spent most of his holidays at Hogwarts for some unearthly reason. Nott evidently decided, optimistically, to grow a beard and is now sporting a full-faced one and its appropriate moustache companion. I'm not sure what look he's going for, but presently I'm labelling it as Post-modern Teenage Merlin. He has issues with understanding hair and what it says about you to others, I expect.

Crabbe thoughtfully stepped on my owl's tail this morning, so the news in the world of Crabbe is that he's being ignored.

The Slytherin Quidditch team will need a new Chaser and Beater this year, so I'll have to organise trials rather soon. I'm considering having a series of ongoing trials that test the factors that are often overlooked in choosing members of the Quidditch team. For instance, My Father says you don't want to put on anyone with poor funds, as they'll likely try to mooch off of their team-mates. I'd also like to ascertain that we won't be having another incident like the Miranda Mulligan foul in last year's match against Gryffindor. If anyone's going to be carrying axes onto the pitch, they'd better make sure that they know that green isn't the colour to aim for. Of course, I'll have to plan out a new practice regime for the team, as I fully intend for us to win the Quidditch Cup this year. I'd have Millicent assist me, but her opinion is consistently incorrect.

I'm currently writing this between Arithmancy and Double Herbology. For some unknown reason, Millicent takes Divination and tried to follow me to lunch just now reeking of incense. Fortunately, she must not have been able to pick up my scent around the odour that is a Divination pupil, and I lost her after a mere seventeen minute chase. This is actually a record, as generally when Millicent tries to do this after Divination, no matter how fast I go she always ends up in front of me. She's surprisingly swift and silent when she tries to hunt people down in cold blood.

I don't know what sort of sadist put Double Herbology on the first day of lessons, but there you are. In fact, I'd say this entire schedule was written by an imbecile, and one with poor penmanship as well. I had Potions with the Gryffindors at 9.00 this morning, and while of course it's always a delight to start the day in Professor Snape's care, I still don't quite understand what possessed anyone to put us in lessons with the Gryffindors, particularly for Potions, of all things. Of course, I say this for entirely selfless reasons. It's just not fair on the Gryffindors to have to keep up with our shining example.

I was forced to sit with Magenta Brown, who spent the first portion of the lesson ignoring Professor Snape and trying to show me photographs of commonplace guinea pigs. When she refused to relent and waved a glittered quill under my nose, thus causing me to sneeze, I was unfortunately forced to inform her about guinea pigs eating their own offspring. I may have given the girl an eating disorder, which would be quite tragic, naturally. On the other hand, a bit of tragedy never hurt anyone. I considered it a term well started on my part.

However, I do, of course, have a number of complaints which I'll be posting later in the week. Since I'm sure you'd like to hear at least one, my first and foremost is, as always, Potter and Weasley. I'd like to know just who they think they are, arriving on the Knight Bus instead of the train. I have a very clear appointment in their compartment each year, and this sort of behaviour is ignoble. I'd throw Granger in as well, but I suppose she wasn't interesting enough to be taken along, since I spotted her going into the Prefects' car.

In any case, I would have appreciated receiving some sort of warning informing me not to go out of my way to make an appearance. I'd also have liked to have been informed that the Hogwarts Express is now optional, as I would have Apparated into Hogsmeade and taken a carriage rather than spent my entire day with Millicent's arch-villain feline. I demand an explanation for this. Why should I have to ride public transportation if they don't have to? And why should Potter get to go about cancelling unspoken appointments? I'm aware that he's currently busy throwing tantrums around the whole of England, but if I'm not there to put meaning in his life by starting his year with my fantastic sense of humour, I'm certain his entire world will be thrown askew. Tomorrow Potter will show up at lessons completely mute due to the shock, you just wait.

If they don't have to take the train, which they plainly don't, as they've now breezily chosen other methods of transportation twice, we should all receive equal rights. I do hope the Hufflepuffs are paying attention to this injustice. I certainly wouldn't want to give the mentally handicapped any inappropriate ideas that might cause them to do harm to themselves, but I, personally, suspect that this was all done as the start of a scheme to isolate and lambaste the Hufflepuffs before expelling them and sending them into a life of exile, forever left uneducated and possibly facially tattooed as a method of public humiliation and identification, stumbling along the empty corridors of life with a look of abject abandonment on their yellowing faces while others throw vegetables at their respective rotund heads. I'm sure I shan't need to explain just how this train debacle indicates that this sinister plot is in the works. Hufflepuffs, do what you will.

Anyway, to summarise: Brown's still fat, Largebottom's cut his hair in a manner that manages to make him look as though he encountered premature baldness to go along with his premature senility while still giving off an impression of a six-year-old, Potter missed the Feast, so did Weasley, Macmillan still hasn't managed to arrive, Turpin's a hopeless Head Girl and I still don't know who the Head Boy is. All in all, a sparkling, typical start to the new term. My hopes for a classic, horrific term haven't been let down. Well done, peers, well done.

crabbe @ 2003-09-02 07:44 am UTC

i am sorry. it pecked my ear. it deserved a pounding. it is lucky it got only that but if you not want me to, i will not because it was not you who did it anyway but i hate your owl. it is nasty.

Draco Malfoy: I strike fear into the hearts of many.

potterstinks @ 2003-09-02 07:48 am UTC

Of course he's nasty. He was trained that way. You didn't think Father was going to go out and buy me an owl that cuddles, did you? I feel you ought to apologise to my owl. Possibly publicly.