| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 11:51:00 |
| Current mood: | enraged |
Extra, extra, Hogwarts. Looking for details on the latest Potter scandal? Read all about it. Potter has stepped down from his pedestal and invited someone to the ball. And who could it possibly be? Are you teetering off the edge of your seat in anticipation quite yet? Why, Granger, of course! Talk about heroics! Does the bravery never end? Oh, yes, when they made Potter, they broke the mould!
Then, they found the mould maker, dragged him out into the street, and stabbed him.
Repeatedly.
So, according to the Weasel's journal, Potter has asked Granger to the ball. How unsurprising. It's horribly predictable that he would ask a Mudblood--and of all Mudbloods, Granger--to a ball. Golly, the saviour of the wizarding world sure can pick them, can't he? One of Hogsmeade's top ten eligible bachelors, according to Witch Weekly, and his top choice for dance partner? Granger. Har har.
Evidently, Potter has taste equivalent to that of a paper bag. What kind of person would invite Granger to a ball? What kind of person would invite a Mudblood with huge teeth and frizzy hair to a ball? What kind of person would want to be seen with that?
Of course, it's not as though any date could make Potter look good. His hair is oily, it's never combed, and his charm is crippled at best. He scuttles about like he owns the place, meanwhile he's got a spot on his temple and his glasses break twice a week because his equilibrium is apparently so unbalanced that the boy can't walk without falling nose first into the ground. He's clumsier than Millicent, and that is saying something.
And don't think we've forgotten your elegant dance styles of yesteryear, Potter. I'm quite sure they haven't changed a bit. Two left feet, both on the ground and in the air. Please, put us all out of our misery and don't go to the ball at all. I haven't the stomach to handle seeing you attempt to cut a rug with Hogwarts' ugliest of females. I haven't the stomach to see you attempting to dance at all, actually, but it will surely be worse with that hairball hanging off of you. Will Mrs Norris have to vomit up some grease for Granger's hair so the two of you can fit in the Hall?
I'd never realised Potter was such a snivelling submissive, but I reckon one would have to be to have any sort of attraction towards a bossy know-it-all like Granger. Obviously that's the only thing that one could possibly see in her, and if that's the sort of thing that rocks your boat, by all means get out of my line of vision. In fact, if you see anything in Granger at all, go throw yourself in the lake and make company with the Giant Squid. Surely no one would be able to tell the difference between a squid and Granger, right?
It's not even as though she puts out, either. I'm rather certain she's harder to get into than Durmstrang. Probably still has bows on her britches. I'm trying to imagine her with a personality, I really am, but I can't work miracles.
The girl spends 23 hours out of her day behind a book, and the last hour is spent doing lord knows what--probably coming up with ways to bewitch all the boys in this school to forget about her inevitable lice. That is what Rita Skeeter reported about Granger a few years back, isn't it? That she was working love potions? Perhaps that's what happened to Potter. It would certainly explain why Granger's always so busy in the library, too. Yeah, Granger, you can hide behind your tomes, but I know what you're really doing back there.
And you know, everyone's always going on about Granger being so intelligent just because she gets the highest marks in school. If she's so clever, why wasn't she sorted into Ravenclaw? Anyone can memorise facts from books, and that's all that Granger does. It doesn't make her any different than the lot of us. The rest of us just have real lives. We're a bit too busy to sit around memorising the whole of our textbooks.
And of course, being a Mudblood, you'd have to memorise every inch of text, wouldn't you? After all, being raised with Muggles surely gives you a disadvantage here among the rest of us. You know, the real wizards. Go back where you came from, Granger. You don't belong here.
Granger is a sodding nightmare. Even the rest of her house wants to throttle her. And for once, I'm in agreement. After all, who can blame them? She's got her nose turned so far in the air she can hardly see to walk, and heaven knows what would happen if she realised that books don't count as friends.
And another thing. Have you noticed that Mudbloods always tend to have horrible skin problems? Granger's been trying to keep it a secret, you see, but I saw her buried to her nose in acne books last week. I've a feeling there's more to her than meets the eye. Perhaps a good revealer would show the truth about Granger's complexion.
Not that Potter's is any better. Although, I think he might actually be better suited with Eloise Midgen. Perhaps the three of them could go together. Oh, what a mental picture that is.
I think what it is is that Potter wishes he was a Mudblood himself. Granted, he hasn't the purest blood in school, but if he was strictly a Mudblood, then he could martyr himself even more. And of course, if he really had been a Mudblood, everyone would've been creaming their trousers over him even more. That's all Potter wants, you know. A bit more pity to fuel his bored little life. So, since he can't change his blood, he goes for the next best thing, attmepting to shag one.
Really, though, a better pair, I cannot think of. Potter the Wonder Dog and Granger, his barking sidekick. I can only imagine what the children would be like. A load of mouth-breathers, the lot of them.
But fear not, hormonal females of Hogwarts. The Boy You Lived to Worship is still out on the market. For Granger has turned him down.
I haven't the slightest idea what Granger was thinking when she made that particular move. Did she, perhaps, think that someone else was going to ask her to the ball? That she was leaving her options open?
As though anyone would want to go to the ball with her. Oh, right, Granger is a girl of great intelligence. She just happens to have the conversational finesse of a fish stick.
Oh, and incidentally, for those who were wondering how Potter managed to miraculously survive an assault from You-Know-Who at the tender age of bed-wetting, look no further. I've solved the blasted puzzle.
It was no miracle. Potter was the answer to a prayer, you see.
The Dark Lord prayed that the world would be made to suffer, and here Potter came along. Sending the world spiralling headfirst into a tornado of doom.
Comments:
| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:15 am UTC |
Stop calling Hermione that disgusting word, you son of a Banshee! Anyone should be so lucky to go to the ball with her, too bad I can't say the same for YOU! Call her that again and I'll pound you into dust and stuff them all back into your dirty mouth!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:20 am UTC Re: |
Why not call her that? It's the truth, isn't it? The truth hurts, Weasley. Just like the truth that you're bloody jealous of Potter hurts, too. What's the matter? Upset that you didn't try to get into her skirt first?
And I'll just have you know that I've already received three invitations to the ball. I certainly won't be going with my owl. It's just a shame I don't have a stick to beat them off with.
And of course, all of my invitations came from real, pureblooded witches. Which is more than I can say for you, Mr. I'll Be Taking My Sister.
Threats of violence? Five points from Gryffindor.
| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:50 am UTC |
Oh sure, go on, abuse your stupid Prefect's badge that you bought with your dirty money, that's all you ever bloody do anyway! And shut the hell up about my friends, you don't know anything about us! I'm not jealous of Harry, you son of a biscuit! He's my friend and he chose me over YOU, REMEMBER? Jealous, my arse. Hah! Who the hell cares about the invitations you got?! I bloody don't!
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:54 am UTC |
At least I have money. And who the bloody sod are you to call my money dirty? You've more dirt between your overgrown ears than you do money! Don't think we haven't noticed you're still wearing last years school robes. What's the matter, Weasel? Couldn't your fat mum afford to buy you a new pair? Don't worry, the moth bites are only vaguely noticeable.
And why would I want Potter to choose me? You only wanted to be his friend so you could have one gleaming thing of importance in your disgraceful, second place life - The Boy Who Lived as your very best pal. Waving him around like a trophy is a good way of proving that, too.
I, on the other hand, don't need pathetic little sob story heroes to make my life interesting, thank you very much.
| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 05:25 am UTC |
Oh let me refresh your memory, YOU offered your friendship to Potter on the first day in Hogwarts and Harry REJECTED it! Obviously he could see the wrong sorts for himself, that is YOU! You've got an interesting life? Oh good one! Very funny.
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 06:37 am UTC |
I didn't offer sodding friendship to Potter. I offered the greasy little orphan my charity in showing him that you would bring him down. And predictably, it did so -- look at the filth he's invited to the ball because of you.
I hardly think you're one to talk about wrong sorts when you've been flying Muggle cars into school, belching up slugs, and trying desperately to win the heart of Granger, the Gangrenous Mudblood.
In case you hadn't realised, Weasel, by WRONG SORTS, I meant you. You and your Muggle loving incest breeding family. One day, both of you will see what I meant; when you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere because you were foolish enough to side with Muggles.
Sod off, you stupid little twit.
| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 07:13 am UTC |
AHA! And you say you're not the bloody stalker, you remember all the stupid little details in OUR lifes, because you don't bloody have one, you pathetic sludge for brains! AND HERMIONE IS NOT FILTH, YOU TURD! YOU ARE THE BLOODY WRONG SORT WITH YOUR BIGOT IDEAS AND NARROW-MINDED VIEWS ABOUT EVERYTHING? CAN'T HANDLE THE FACT THAT NON-PUREBLOODS ARE BEATING YOU IN EVERYTHING, CAN YOU?!
SOD OFF YOURSELF, DWARF LEGS!
| percyneedsalife @ 2002-06-04 01:55 pm UTC |
I wouldn't be so quick to call another family "incest breeding," considering your parents look, and probably are, brother and sister. It seems Malfoys like to keep it in the family, eh? Tell us, Malfoy, does your family tree fork?
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 10:44 pm UTC |
Oh, as though you're one to talk. Your mother's fat and your father's bald -- two genetic mishaps clearly sprung from the same tree. Actually, your mother looks like she's her husband's oldest daughter. Are you quite sure she shot you out of her very own loins? Perhaps she's your missing sister. You might want to look into that.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:21 am UTC |
And Hermione does NOT have huge teeth, you blind bat! Better frizzy hair than silly gel infested hair like yours! Or is that not gel? Have you been using the grease Mrs Norris has been coughing up since you seem to know so bloody much about it? What do YOU know about ugliest females in Hogwarts when YOUR idiot girlfriend is that Parkinson freak?!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:25 am UTC |
That's right, she doesn't have huge teeth anymore - thanks to me, she had them fixed by magic. Didn't she! That's not very honest, now is it?
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:52 am UTC |
Is this a joke? A Malfoy talking about honesty? Like you even know what that word mean, slimeball!
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:23 am UTC |
Who do you think you are bloody comparing Hermione to that Squid when YOU look like a Yeti hybrid yourself?!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:26 am UTC |
I've got more charm and looks in my little toe than you'll have in your life! You're one to talk, with your foot long nose and leg long feet. How can you keep your head up beneath the weight of it?
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:53 am UTC |
Oh don't worry yourself with how I keep my head up, what with all that grease in your hair? No wonder Snape adores you so much!
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2002-06-04 01:57 pm UTC |
At least Ron is growing, you pointy-faced twat. You look like a 10 year-old playing in his daddy's robes.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:27 am UTC |
And YOU wouldn't know about having a personality even if one dances right in front of you wearing Quirrel's turban! Look at your stupid lackeys who share a brain cell between themselves! Personality, my bloody foot! Hermione is worth a zillion times of you, scum pus!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:29 am UTC |
At least I have lackeys. Your friends are too busy going off to shag each other to pay a bit of attention to you, aren't they? What's the matter, Weasel? Wish you could get in the middle?
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:55 am UTC |
YOU BLOODY TAKE THAT BACK, YOU AND YOUR FUNGI-INFESTED MOUTH!
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:58 am UTC |
Aw, did I hit a nerve? Worried that you'll come in last place yet again, Weasel? Ha ha ha ha ha.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:30 am UTC |
Hermione DOES NOT spend 23 hours behind a book, you don't know her so stop talking crap about her! She doesn't NEED to spend hours revising just to get decent grades LIKE SOME PEOPLE! And she has friends to hang out with, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:45 am UTC |
Oh, yes, her good friends Hogwarts, A History and RON WEASLEY! Like having YOU as a friend is something to be proud about.
And by "UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE", did you mean yourself? Looks like all your friends are getting ready to go to the ball and leaving poor little Cinderella Weasel by himself. Perhaps you can work with the house-elves for the evening and pick up a spare knut from Dumbledore. Then perhaps you could buy a real face.
| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:57 am UTC |
She is friends with Harry, too, you idiot! Remember Harry Potter? The one you stalk with all your life? Hahaha!
I meant YOU, sod arse! Go buy yourself a life and shut that crap mouth of yours!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:59 am UTC |
No, no, I think you're mistaken. You clearly meant yourself. Denial is the first bloody step to recovery!
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 05:09 am UTC Re: |
Get therapy, you're the one in denial! Pathetic, really, hanging on to the one and only nice thing Harry has ever said about you, you poor deprived thing! Ha ha!
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 05:12 am UTC |
I AM NOT HANGING ON TO ANYTHING, YOU BLOODY YEAST-INFECTED BUBBLE OF SACRILEGIOUS PUS HANGING FROM A GIANT'S BEARD! GO KISS A DEATH EATER!
(parent)| percyneedsalife @ 2002-06-04 01:59 pm UTC |
Looks like Ron hit a nerve. Awww, does ickle Dracey have a crush?
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:32 am UTC |
There was NO love potions! Hermione does not spend her time on such silly thing, you bloody take that back! Only YOU would believe that bug woman and her ridiculous slanders, pea brain!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:46 am UTC |
Who are you calling pea brain, ARSE FACE! You're the one who chooses to hang out with Potter and Granger! You're the one who's flooding MY journal in defence of A BLOODY MUDBLOOD! You're a disgrace! How thick can one man be? Oh, ladies and gentlemen, give him a prize - it's Ron Weasley, the Little Engine That Couldn't!
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 05:00 am UTC |
Of course I chose to hang out with Hermione and Harry! Who the hell should I want to hang out with? YOU?! No thank you! I'd rather hang out with bedpans in the hospital wing, at least THEY smell better than YOU! And you are one to talk about flooding journals, look at what you did to Harry's, you beetle mudface! You're insulting Hermione and you except me not to defend her? NO WONDER YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:34 am UTC |
HERMIONE WAS SORTED INTO GRYFFINDOR FOR HER BRAVERY! She would have gotten into Ravenclaw easily but she has the bravery that YOU SLIMERINS would never understand! Go on, go cry to daddy now, why don't you?!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:48 am UTC |
Oh, now that's something that will take you places in life. Bravery. What's she going to do, capture more bugs? Now that takes real genius and class, let me tell you.
And My Father is a very busy man, unlike yours, who will surely be teetering off the brink of unemployment within this lifetime. Muggle Relations, indeed! Only YOUR father would choose a career like that one!
| percyneedsalife @ 2002-06-04 02:01 pm UTC |
Oh, yes, your father is terribly busy -- screwing Madam Hooch, that is.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:36 am UTC |
YOU are the one who doesn't belong here, you ugly little piece of trash! Leave Hermione alone! You are just bitter that SHE always beat you in every bloody class even though you think you are so bloody smart! Well think again! Money can't buy brains! Hah!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:50 am UTC |
Oh, now, I think you're forgetting. I'm a Malfoy. I was born to be a wizard, unlike SOME genetic mishaps.
And who are you to speak on brains or looks? YOU have about the same allure and personality as a cactus. A red-headed cactus, sure, but a cactus nonetheless.
| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 06:59 am UTC |
A cactus, you say? Well at least I'm useful and saves water! Unlike YOU who has no life and no use! So bloody what if you were born a wizard, might as well be born a lizard! Once a pest always a pest!
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:39 am UTC |
Hermione is NOT a nightmare, YOU bloody are! Wait no, you're not, you're beneath that, nobody should be unlucky enough to have to dream about your stupid ferret face! Hermione has lots of friends in Gryffindor who likes her but I can't expect YOU to understand that when the people who hang around you are just there because they have no other choice, worthless git!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:51 am UTC |
Oh, cry me a river, Weasel. Do you think the rest of us don't notice the whole of Gryffindor shooting spit balls at Granger? Oh, but I suppose you wouldn't notice, what with the way your eyes are always buried in her total lack of breasts.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 05:07 am UTC Re: |
One more word from you about Hermione and you can go join Myrtle in the bloody toilet, you disgusting scum of the earth!
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 05:13 am UTC Re: |
Take all the points you want, Malfoy! I don't bloody care! Professor Black would have loads to say about you insulting Harry's friends and we'll see who has the last laugh!
(parent)| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 05:15 am UTC |
Then perhaps PROFESSOR Black ought to check out the way Potter's friends are insulting me. What with his fair, unbiased professor's opinion, and all.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:41 am UTC |
Hermione doesn't have acne, you sodding liar! YOU might want to try using some acne potion although it might just make you disappear completely since you're as ugly as one huge walking pimple on the arse!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:55 am UTC |
And YOU are nothing but a large, overinfected, money-less venereal disease, but let's not talk specifics, here.
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 04:45 am UTC |
For your information, Hermione has loads of people asking her to the ball, no need for your bloody concern there, Mr Stalker! And she has way better conversational skills than you'll ever have, since all you ever bloody do is stalk Gryffindors! Get a life, won't you?!
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 04:57 am UTC |
Stalker? You're the one keeping track of who's asked Granger to the ball. And how would you know about my conversational skills? As if I'd lower myself enough to speak to someone like you. You've never even seen a galleon, have you, Weasel?
(parent)| knight_to_h3 @ 2002-06-04 05:19 am UTC |
I'M NOT KEEPING TRACK ON WHO IS ASKING HERMIONE TO THE BALL! But I bet you know since you seem to know so bloody much about us! Will you just get a hobby already?!
(parent)| petitemillicent @ 2002-06-04 04:46 am UTC |
I believe you have made a mistake there.
I am not clumsy.
The rest of this entry - I agree.
| just_harry @ 2002-06-04 04:21 pm UTC |
What is your problem, Malfoy? Why do you even care? She's not ugly, she's really smart and funny, and I guess she just wanted it to be more like a date is all. And she doesn't have acne, and she has loads of friends in our house and in the rest of Hogwarts, too, and she's one of the best friends I have ever had. But you don't get friends, do you? You just get Crabbe and Goyle. And even Goyle doesn't like you anymore.
Just shut up about Hermione and leave us alone.
| potterstinks @ 2002-06-04 07:08 pm UTC |
Why should you care? I don't give a bloody sod as to why Granger turned you down. And so Granger is your best friend. Bully for you. It must be oh so wonderful being friends with a bitch like that.
And you wouldn't know a thing about what friends I have. Perhaps if you were captain of your own Quidditch team, you'd realise just how many friends come with the job description.
| just_harry @ 2002-06-04 10:47 pm UTC |
I don't want friends like that, Malfoy. I don't want people to be my friend just because my father paid to make me captain. I don't need friends like that.
(parent)