wheresmytoad @ 2003-06-29 21:24:00

Current mood:

sad

A night alone
I fell asleep in one of the greenhouses last night, of all places.

I went there cos I just wanted to get away from people for awhile, I guess. I knew Professor Sprout wouldn't be there, since she was with the parents of the Hufflepuffs who died. She'd set aside some plants earlier for me to take home for the summer. (I told her I wanted to try some bonsai techniques with a few of the plants we've been working with this term.) Anyway, I got them all repotted, and was washing my hands, and I looked around and realised: it was the first time I've been totally alone for over a week. We'd been camped out in the Great Hall, living right on top of each other for days. Even when we got back into our dormitories, all our eating and sleeping schedules were crazy while everyone was trying to figure out things and help.

So I sat down in a corner of one of the greenhouses on some burlap sacking, just to, you know, listen to the silence. Have a bit of a think. I fell asleep there without even meaning to do it. It was so quiet. I woke up about two o'clock in the morning. That was right confusing at first, until I remembered where I was. I lay there for hours, watching the stars through the glass roof turn in the sky, until the dawn came. Thinking about about the kids that were lost. I didn't know any of them very well, except maybe Soblessa, because she was in Gryffidor. Younger than me, they all were. I thought about that a lot. None of them will ever be even as old as I am now.

It doesn't feel right, somehow, to go home right now. Don't know as I can explain exactly why. It's more than just the fact that exams have been cancelled, so it doesn't feel like the year has been finished, quite.

It's that when we leave, we'll be leaving them behind. We'll go home, but they can't. They can never go home again.

You miss your friends during the summer and you tell yourself, oh that's all right, I'll see them again in September. But when we're all back here next year, and then we see people missing, it'll really sink in that some of us are gone for good.

Have had a crick in my neck all day. Burlap sacking doesn't make a very comfortable bed. Still have all my packing ahead of me; must tackle that tonight.

Neville

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