wheresmytoad @ 2003-09-07 21:03:00

Current mood:

depressed

Got a letter from Gran. Well, she didn't write it, Aunt Enid did it for her, but Gran signed it. Kind of shaky, but it was still her signature. I can read between the lines, though, and I've got a good hunch that she's already terrorizing her rehabilitative therapist.

I'm still not sure whether coming back to school was the right thing to do. I don't know. Sometimes I wish I hadn't. It's my last year, and I reckon I expected to feel like it's all coming together for me but . . . it really isn't.

Prof. Black has asked me to let him know when I want to try again on breaking that memory block. I've been stalling on setting up another meeting, and I'm not quite sure why. Well, all right, I do. I want the block gone, I really do, but on the other hand, when I wonder about what's really beneath it, I can imagine all sorts of terrible possibilities. Then I get mad at myself for hesitating. I feel like I'm being such a coward.

More than that, though--I dunno. I'm so grouchy I hardly recognise myself. Not that anyone has particularly noticed, though. The roommates rib me once in a while about my snoring, but otherwise ignore me just as much as usual; why should that bother me? No one's treating me the least bit differently than they have the last six years, so what's my problem now?

Yeah, well, whinging about it is ruddy stupid. Going to go study and try to forget about all this. Bad moods come and bad moods go, but potions homework still has to be done either way.

N.

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