Rio Ferdinand's World Cup Pranks

His name is RIO and his pranks are dead well planned
He'll punch you in the face with his funny punching hand
And when he pranks you know his show will not be canned
Oh RIO, RIO, he will kill for 20 grand...

RIO!



Yo! Rio here! That's right, it's the R to the I to the O and it's nearly time for the world cup. I'm the prank grandmaster, my pranks are coming at you faster, than a plateful of pasta, I'll put your arm in plaster - as a fucking JOKE! Because when I break bones, people see the funny side. Otherwise I get ANGRY, see? Anyway let's see today's first FUCKING HILARIOUS prank!

Now on with the fun.




Jeremy Beadle, eh? Total. Legend. Geezer. Remember his pranks? Like the one where he made that old fella believe aliens had landed, or something. Genius! So we decided to get him back with the most devious prank we could pull off. We phoned up Pizza Hut, and got them to deliver 12 stuffed crust pizzas to his house! The most expensive ones, too! Well, you should have seen his face when he answered the door to all that pizza. Priceless! He explained that he hadn't ordered any pizza, but maybe he'd take a couple as he hadn't had time to make any dinner that day, and gave the delivery boy a large tip. Gotcha, Edmunds! You CUNT!




Now a return to the area in which I made my name - pranks on football stars! The day before an important match for Brazilian star Ronaldo, and I sent one of my team out on the street to intercept him. He was carrying a heavy box, and asked Ronaldo if he'd help him to carry it. Of course, as Ronaldo was getting hold of his end, my man let go of the box - causing it to FALL right on Ronaldo's FOOT, CRUSHING it and putting him out of action for several months! Take that, you CUNT!




Meet Joe Cole. He's one of my footballing pals, he can take a joke. That much is for sure! When I was thinking about how best to FUCK him UP, I cleverly noticed that his name - Joe Cole - sounds a bit like 'Joke Hole'. Well, that got me thinking, viewers. You know what I thought? I thought of a great prank which I've called 'Joe Cole's Joke Hole'. Here's how it (and he!) went DOWN.

After a hard training session, Joe went off to the beach to relax and unwind. OR SO HE THOUGHT! Little did he know that I was hiding behind a sand dune in my expensive dune buggy, with three of my burliest mates. There was nothing funny going on - I'm not Stan Collymore! Ha! (He's next on my list, the fucking PERVERT!) Anyway, we sat out of view and watched him oil himself up real good. He got it into all of his nooks and crannies, I can tell you! I made a killing selling the photos to the News Of The World - yet another great practical joke by me, Rio Ferdinand!

After he'd finished oiling himself up, we waited for our erections to subside and then put our plan into action. Swarming out of my expensive dune buggy, I held him down while my three burly mates dug a massive hole in the sand. Oh, man! Once he was in that hole, all that was left was to piss on his head and wait for the tide to come in. Take THAT, Joe Cole!


His name is RIO and he'll kill you on the sand
His funny jokes and pranks are loved throughout the land
And when he kills you he is wanking with his hand
Oh RIO, RIO, he will kill for 15 grand...

RIO!