Play The Game (Featuring The Game)
"Ahoy there, chaps! (Dammit, The Game, think 'Gangsta'. Righty-ho, start again.) What I meant to say was, Wassup muthafuckers! It's me - The Game. You know - inexplicably popular-all-of-a-sudden identikit gangsta rapper, The Game! Anyway - bitches (yeah, that works) - I was talking to my mentor, Fiddy, yesterday, and he pointed out how funny it is that my name is The Game, and one of my favourite things is to play games! Er, with my ho's and stuff, obviously. Because I'm a tough gangsta from da hood!
English soccer, ludo, pass the pigs - anything! I'm da best at any game you care to mention. So challenge me, muthafuckers! Bring it on with any game you wanna play. I'm-a destroy yo' bitch asses. I even understand the rules of backgammon and blind man's buff!"
"Why aye pet! It's me! Marshall Mathers, also known t'me mates as Eminem - cos I'm always away doon the 24 hour Esso t'buy me and me mam peanut M&M's when we's got in from bein doon tha pub like. They're proper champion, even better than Tudor crisps like!
Anyway, away pet - Ah'm here t'challenge me old mucka "T'Game" to a game of a proper geordie sport. Fightin'! But nay proper fightin', cos weeyah burth famous rappin blurkes now like, so we need to keep our looks in for the lasses, aye?
So heeyas the plan, pet. We'll have ourselves a game a this feller:
"Ah'll see thee int'club, Ah'll be full of bud!"
"Eminem - do you think I can't fight for myself? You think one-on-one fighting is my weak point, yeah? Cos I'm always surrounded by a dozen burly bodyguards? Think again, you British ass! They're there to protect the public. To protect them from me! Anyway, I'm-a take you up on your offer of a fight. I'm not going to do it myself, though - and I know, as an international megastar, you understand. I'd fuck yo' face up so badly, you wouldn't even be able to attend the MTV awards! No, we're gonna have a proper British style fight. I've picked a guy to represent me. It's Barry from Eastenders! And for you - Dirty Den from Eastenders. See? A fuckin' proper British fight, like I says. Go, Barry! You're fighting for my honour! And I'll let you have a go on my ho if you win!"
"Good afternoon chaps. Rapping Enoch here, with quite literally 'mad' love for my homie Winston C. Rest in peace, home boy. Westside. Also: A big shout out to my peeps in the Tooting Bec Conservative Association - keep it real, y'all. As for 'The Game', he's been dissin' my draft proposal on income tax reform, like some kind of bitch-ass individual. I see him on the block, there's gonna be rivers of blood y'knowwhatimsayin? Additionally, he may find himself challenged to a game of this:"
"Enoch Powell? Oh, man. That guy's never off my back! Listen, Enoch - you may think you're a pretty fly character, but my homies in your constituency of Wolverhampton South West certainly didn't think so! Word on the street is that you resigned in protest at the government's plans for increased expenditure in 1958! What was that all about? Increased expenditure means more bling! More jewellery for you and your crazy bitches! I ain't playing yo' stupid Dan Dare's Race In Space game no more, Enoch Powell. Not if you disrespect yourself by denying yourself the finer things in life. I've got a swimming pool shaped like a woman's chuff! You could have had all this and more, Enoch Powell. I respect your self-belief, but you fucked up, guy."
"What up 'Game'? We iz da hot new boyz on da block - Da Wurzels collective, blood. We iz here to disrespeck you inna big way, and generally to criticize your appearance and that of your ho's.
We iz thinkin you iz no ways cool and street enough to beat us at da most hardcore of gamez, bro: Aunt Sally. So if you got da ballz, and we sincerely doubt you have, sir, den be in our crib 9pm tonight. Or we send in da backup crew to bust some caps in yo ass!
"You can diss me, but you leave my ho's out of this, you bunch of cider-drinking rap goons! I'm gonna get agricultural on yo' asses! How do you like my brand new combine harvester, faggots?"
