tabiji @ July 30 2003, 02:17:26 UTC

Well, damn. Harry's first reply is sort and sounds really rushed. It reminds me of the post-Veritaserum, "I want to go home, can someone take me home?" The second comment is a lot more talkative, but it still sounds rushed and rambly, and the bit about PS is jammed right in the middle...like whereareyouMALFOYNEVERSHOWEDUPimissyouiwantyoutocomehomewhenwillyoubehome?

I'm torn between thinking Harry's heartbroken that Draco didn't show up...OR, that he did show up, and something happened.

Even if something went wrong, it's not like Harry to lie about it...even if he was just trying to pretend nothing happened. Now I'm thinking that Draco really didn't go there. So then, where DID he go, and why would he have to lie about it?

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 02:32:29 UTC

Yes, it does look like he's hiding it in plain view. I'm not sure what to make of that though.

I have one rather suspect idea of why Draco might ligh, which interferes with two of my NA OTPs and I'm not very in favor of. And the evidence in general doesn't seem to bear it out. It's also far too subtle for Justin, and far too Hufflepuffy for Draco.

Or perhaps he showed, but in the wrong place?

Also, I think it's clear that Harry is willing to lie to protect Draco, denying that he was out at night, even when he plainly was, etc. If something DID happen, perhaps he figured Draco would be better off if no one knew. I confess, I am uncertian what to make of this.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 02:40:31 UTC

why Draco might ligh

That may be the coolest mispelling I've ever done.

bookofjude @ July 30 2003, 02:36:11 UTC

Draco replied. <3 PS.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 02:38:02 UTC

So it was a soft, affectionate sleeping kick?

tabiji @ July 30 2003, 02:45:23 UTC

Awwww. I wonder if Harry was excited and stayed up late, knowing that Draco was coming but then finally fell asleep? And Awwwwww...if ickle Harry was just so cute that Draco couldn't bear to wake him up?

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 02:53:52 UTC

That's a thought I had, but with less "awwwwwwww"s.

Question on your icon: If Lucius is PURER than Narcissa, then shouldn't Draco, the average of Lucius and Narcissa, be less pure than Lucius? Simple math.

hezzabeth @ July 30 2003, 03:04:59 UTC

You know I have this huge indeph theory concerning P/S and J/H but after explaining it to Casina in the car on the way to a party I've been forbidden to reveal it.
The whole kicking incident is so squee worthy it's making my heart stop.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 03:09:44 UTC

I first read that as Peter/Sirius and Justin/Harry and was not very pro-it, then I realized that I was being a fool.

Why can she forbid you to reveal it? You SHOULD reveal it, it's your public nraged obligation, in fact.

With the sleeping though it? Or just kicking in general?

hezzabeth @ July 30 2003, 03:13:05 UTC

Casina's been a closet NA reader for months now despite the fact she'll never admit it. I think she said something on the lines of if my theory was right it would be a huge massive way of ruining things for every one so I should just keep my mouth shut.

It was all squee worthy in general , have you ever noticed that the phrase " squee" was borrowed from Jhonen Vasquez?

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 03:19:39 UTC

But how would we tell if your theory was right? It's another theory. So what? Is it that much of a nuclear bomb theory?

I've noticed the Vasquez squee connection, of course. What kind of philistine do you take me for? Actually, I had a really hard time understanding the fandom meaning "squee" for a while, thanks to Squee!.

hezzabeth @ July 30 2003, 03:23:22 UTC

I just find it curious how the phrase " squee" only began to pop up after the Johnny the homicidal maniac was established. I strongely believe that Jhonen created the Squee term and it spread like a virus.

My theory shall remain secret, untill the apropriate time besides I'm still gathering evidence.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 03:26:19 UTC

Well, if it's a crackpot theory with no evidence, why didn't you just say that in the first place?

hezzabeth @ July 30 2003, 03:29:53 UTC

I have evidence , plenty of evidence just nothing you would deem as concrete.
I need a lot of evidence in Nraged.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 03:33:54 UTC

There are plenty of theories advanced on small amounts of evidence with lots of analysis which make the evidence very useful. Why do you need a lot of evidence? Because your evidence will be destroyed if you just run with what you have?

hezzabeth @ July 30 2003, 03:36:46 UTC

Well actually parts of this theory have been based on posts which contain tiny amounts of evidence with lots of speculation and anyalsis.
I feel the need to have a lot of evidence because I want to be taken seriously, I rarely post indepth stuff here and when I do it will be heavily backed up with sources.

tabiji @ July 30 2003, 03:24:58 UTC

Mmmmmm. I wonder how long Draco spent watching Harry sleep? I wonder if he stopped and gave Goyle his gluvs?

Yea, that would be true if I was referring to Draco's bloodline, but I'm referring to his wittleness, and that nobody that sweet looking could be anything but angelic.

(Which reminds me...I'm putting up icons at na_icons, and there's one that you inspired)

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 03:30:28 UTC

Why would he do that? And why would Draco make a Princess Bride ref?

So explain why Lucius is purer than Narcissa.

tabiji @ July 30 2003, 03:45:00 UTC

why would Draco make a Princess Bride ref?
What reference?

So explain why Lucius is purer than Narcissa. I don't necessarily think that he is, but he seems to be a lot more concerned about it than she is.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 03:53:16 UTC

Eh, six fingered glove. It may have just been a mean joke about fingers, but I prefer to think there's a Princess Bride connection.

I mean in the angelic sense. Since, you know, he's a monster.

tabiji @ July 30 2003, 04:01:11 UTC

I mean in the angelic sense.

I don't, because, you know, he's a monster.

notapipe @ July 30 2003, 04:05:01 UTC

Okay, then wittleness. Or however Draco gets the purest title.

slinkhard @ July 31 2003, 09:44:31 UTC

I had the same thought but with more 'Awwwws' and also incoherent 'OMG!'s.

saffronlie @ July 30 2003, 04:45:27 UTC

I have *such* an image of Draco standing at the foot of the bed, trying to get Harry to wake up, and whining at him. "Aww, come on, Potter, you said you'd be up. Bloody sod."


Harry's reply to Sirius is so sad. It feels like he's been bottling up a lot of things and is very, very lonely. Waaah.

saffronlie @ July 30 2003, 16:12:30 UTC

My first star! Thanks! :D

Anonymous @ July 30 2003, 18:54:41 UTC

It's just nice that someone has actually noticed that harry is very sad and lonely, instead of focusing on draco so much when it was really such an insignificant part of the post. when i click to read the comments i didn't expect to see 30 posts about draco. it was really irritating considering how quiet harry's been. now we know why he's quiet - he's depressed out of his MIND. but no one notices? because draco kicked him? and this is somehow meaningful and more important than anything else harry had to say?

sometimes a broomstick is just a broomstick you know?

so yeah, thanks for noticing, from a lurker who would rather not get flamed to a crisp for wanting to read people's thoughts about something other than h/d once in a while.

Anonymous @ July 30 2003, 11:58:08 UTC

what ifhe did show up and -something- happened and PS had to obliviate J_H ...

hmmmm....

dragynville @ July 30 2003, 13:30:56 UTC

Well, I am of the opinion that Draco should've just crawled into bed with him, since Harry wouldn't wake up and he was there anyway. *grin*

And Harry sounds like he's slipping into depression. It may be why he didn't wake up (sleeping too much is a symptom).

Anonymous @ July 30 2003, 14:31:58 UTC

Yeah, he does kind of. His last entry makes me think that too.

"Everyone else is asleep now, but I pretty much slept all day. I missed dinner tonight which is fine, because I probably wouldn't have gone anyway." "And this stuff, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it or if I should even have it, really. It's like maybe it should belong to someone else."

He doesn't sound very good, does he?

dragynville @ July 30 2003, 15:42:56 UTC

I've been suspecting depression ever since Remus's post about Harry asking him to let him "come home". (Harry had been so grown up and stoic about it all before then.) Add to that the fact that Harry has had internet access since July 10, yet has hardly replied to anyone since. And now this latest comment (which has a rather rambling, desperate edge to it) and sleeping through Draco's visit, and poor Harry looks to be on a fast downward spiral. ;_;

And his reply to Draco sounds depressed too. There's a lifelessness to it. ;_;

dragynville @ July 30 2003, 16:37:49 UTC

bounce*squee! :D

sistermagpie @ July 30 2003, 19:19:49 UTC

Yes--which is why I find myself wanting to give Draco a little ankle kick to tell him to get back there and try again. Harry's isolated where he is and would probably love any company. If I were him it would just seem like too much to think that on top of all my real problems I missed a small thing I was looking forward to.

I think Harry isn't just missing Sirius but is also probably terrified that something's happening to him, which is why he's scanning the maps to figure out where he might be. Harry tends to want to do something when he thinks people he loves are in danger and he seems to be chomping at the bit about that now.

moony @ July 30 2003, 19:31:46 UTC

Thing is, why does it always boil down to Draco saving the day? I don't understand why it all always comes back to Draco. Draco this, and Draco that.

I'd like to see Sirius save the day, frankly, since he's the focus of Harry's post in the first place, and Draco's little more than an afterthought.

sistermagpie @ July 30 2003, 19:36:14 UTC

Yes, that's my point. That Draco is an afterthought. Since Harry can't have what he wants it would be nice if he didn't also have the added irritation of the VCR screwing up and not taping the show he wanted to watch, or he didn't sleep through one of the few visits from friends he can have. I would put Draco, at this point, around the level of the VCR working correctly. He can't save the day, but he might provide a distraction. At least he can not cause even more irritation himself.

black_dog @ July 30 2003, 20:25:42 UTC

Trying to put myself in Harry's head, I keep coming back to his comment about Voldemort knocking the walls down. Among all the other things he wants -- to see Sirius, to set up the quidditch hoops, to see Draco -- it's interesting that he wants to talk about or re-live that event, too. And it at first seems out of character, because Harry's really not self-aggrandizing, doesn't live in the past or want to talk about his own heroics.

So why would that disaster make the list of things he's thinking about and "missing"? The sense I came to is that after a month with the Dursleys, none of the things that happened at Hogwarts feel quite real to him anymore. He wants to cling, not only to the people he's come to care about, but to any tangible detail of his experience over the past year.

I think his depression is about more than spending a hateful two months with the Dursleys. I think Harry feels all the wonderful things that happened to him this past year are slipping away, or at least being exposed as very fragile and maybe not permanent achievements at all. Think of how he's changed -- he's more confident, he's more outgoing, he's "out" and probably falling in love with Draco, he's bonded deeply with his godfather and Remus, he's been happy. And if you've never been truly happy before, then being that way feels a little bit scary, a little out of character, even a little bit presumptuous. It can seem at times like something you've stolen that isn't yours.

It takes a while, it maybe takes prolonged reinforcement, for someone like Harry to feel fully at home with all the new feelings he's been having. And what happens? Instead of getting that reinforcement, he's thrown back into the hellhole of the Dursleys, cut off from all his friends, cut off from all the new and exciting relationships he's become part of, cut off from almost any tangible reminder of the past year. And all he can do is brood and think about the world moving on without him, and in a way I bet it feels like getting back to normal, back to his usual glumness and unhappiness. Maybe it feels like he didn't deserve any of it after all.

You can practically feel his confidence bleeding out of him as he apologizes to Remus for posting in his journal, desperately tries to connect with Sirius through the globe, undercuts his own daydream about putting up the hoops, reminds Remus (as though he could forget) that it's his birthday tomorrow.

It's unbelievably sad, and it makes me want to murder Dumbledore.

I love his reply to PS. "I didn't know you were here." As someone said, it's kind of subdued and tired-sounding, yes, but it also strikes me that there's a lot of emotion behind its simplicity, as though just the fact that PS was there made a huge difference for him, as if he was really grateful to know it.

I hope some characters are shocked by Harry's mental state when they all get together this weekend at Dogear. And I hope there's a confrontation with Dumbledore, too, even though it obviously has to happen off-screen.

la_trix @ July 30 2003, 21:16:30 UTC

The sense I came to is that after a month with the Dursleys, none of the things that happened at Hogwarts feel quite real to him anymore.

Harry's remark about setting up the Quidditch hoops really struck me. He asks if Sirius remembers that they were supposed to do that this summer, as if Sirius had suggested it a year ago as opposed to a month ago ... it must feel like a another lifetime to Harry. I don't know how Harry will be able to cope if Dumbledore decides he can't stay at Dogear Wryde after this weekend.

I'm frankly astonished that Dumbledore thought it best to send him there in the first place, so soon after the attack. Why couldn't he just have waited a few weeks, at least, to recuperate somewhat?

babytyggeryss @ July 30 2003, 19:21:03 UTC

I have also been suspecting depression for a while. I suffered from a bad case of depression (read: suicide attempts)from the time I was 10 1/2 until I was 20. Now that I'm recovering (I'm now 22), I see myself in Harry and it's damn scary.

I pray his depression never gets a bad as mine. I think it would help allot if he lived with Sirius and Remus; that wouldn't be a cure-all by any means, but it would be a start.

Sirius, come home!

sistermagpie @ July 30 2003, 20:15:26 UTC

Do you think there could also be a little PTSD at work after what happened at the school? Harry was really "up" right after that and then disappeared. I don't know much about PTSD but it somehow seems to make sense that Harry would first just be happy to be alive and know everything's okay, but then it would all start to affect him later, particularly because he was alone. He was asking Sirius about the accident in his post, so I wonder if now he's starting to go over it more morbidly, wonder what V was up to, how he made the walls come down etc.

zionsstarfish @ July 30 2003, 20:24:11 UTC

I think it is very likely. Add to the depression and the head injuries and the Voldemort-Yet-Again Syndrome the fact that he hasn't been able to decompress, debrief, or talk to anyone about what happened. He pretty much woke up in time to be bundled off to the Dursleys. It is probably driving him nuts not having anyone to confide in.

moony @ July 30 2003, 18:57:18 UTC

Maybe I'm insane, but the impression that I got from Harry's comment is that he misses Sirius.

Oh, but maybe I'm just way off the mark, here. What the hell would I know, anyway?

-.-

zionsstarfish @ July 30 2003, 19:35:32 UTC

Waah. *feels stabbed* aww, poor Harry. covert *smooshy* to j_h's player, whoever you are ;)

I've been curious about why he hasn't been posting his own entries on his own journal. He's usually quiet, but this is sort of... unusually quiet. Maybe he hopes that in some way he'll feel closer to Sirius if he posts in Sirius' journal, or that Sirius will take note and *have* to come home.

He just sounds really cut off from everyone. Hermione's on vacation, and has he even heard from Ron lately?

I'm very curious about what's going to happen at Dumbledore's party. Maybe Harry will just lock himself in the bathroom (with his neato locking spell he learned during the wedding ;)) and refuse to leave. Aww. Just... awwwwwwwwwwwww.

Anyway, it's about that time anyway that he was 'rescued' from the Dursleys, isn't it? *hopes rescue comes soon*

black_dog @ July 30 2003, 20:39:52 UTC

Random question: considering how well-warded the Dursleys' house is, and all the protective magic Dumbledore has talked about, what does it mean that PS was able to apparate directly into Harry's bedroom, with no obstacles?

tabiji @ July 30 2003, 22:37:46 UTC

Hmmm. Maybe he didn't apparate right into Harry's room, but just nearby, and then walked in? In the "interesting chat" that he had with knight_to_h3, Ron could have told him how to get in/get around the wards? Maybe the wards only work against someone that wants to harm Harry? (I like that idea, since it proves Draco didn't really want to kick him!)

tabiji @ July 30 2003, 22:41:58 UTC

Hmmph. Correct link.

hobaggins @ July 30 2003, 22:45:32 UTC

And because I can't add to any of the deep comments on all the other posts... I'm far too tired and excitable to think properly....

I'm just thinking of how lovely it's going to be to see all the new icons that the NA-ers will likely put out as PoA releases more and more stills... Draco with lovely loverly long shiny bright hair... Harry simply looking older, more himself in such nice muggle clothes... Hermione looking rather hot... and so on and on and on and on

I'm a big dork I know.... but some of the players look so ickle in their icons that it's difficult to remember what year they're in... it looks startling to see them talking about dirty things when they look about twelve