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lonelyspade @ 2004-05-01 20:50:00 |
(no title)
To the Players of nocturne_alley:
Once upon a time, there was anxiety, boredom, the deepest of all miseries, and a chance to fix it.
The Fandom sat hunched over computer screens all across the world, troubled and uneasy, not knowing what would come next. They waited and waited, but alas, there was no sign of the Update, and so to save ourselves from merciless insanity, we present you with this tidbit of our devotion:
A story wherein nragers would add a single line to a great and ineffable tale that would reveal the obsessive nature of the Fandom.
We would like to dedicate this bout of creativity to you, as it would not be possible without your existence [and severe lack of posting]. Since it is your delightful story that has brought us fans together, we have decided to write a fanfic just for you.
Most humbly yours,
The Fandom
Hantise, votre nom est Nraged.
Introduction written by the Wibble Chatters.
Comments:
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lonelyspade @ May 2 2004, 01:21:43 UTC |
Rules:
Nragers, this is an add-a-line story.
Feel free to do anything you want[insanity is encouraged], dialogue, first/second/third person person, with/without the royal we, etc.
Just make sure not to make your line too long.
| xnera @ May 2 2004, 01:24:12 UTC |
Once upon a time on a dark and stormy night, our heroine choked on too many cliches. No, that's no good. How about this:
The clutter of soda cans had reached the improbable count of twenty-three.
| akutenshi2007 @ May 2 2004, 01:26:14 UTC |
More than anything else he just really needed to pee.
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 01:27:01 UTC |
These realizations sometimes came slow, as he was often too busy being enraged.
(parent)| thedaytheystop @ May 2 2004, 01:28:29 UTC |
Nevertheless, even the bladders of Future Dark Minions couldn't wait forever.
(parent) |
onewallaway @ May 2 2004, 01:28:43 UTC |
He called Crabbe over and ordered him to remove twenty-one of the cans.
(parent)| caithion @ May 2 2004, 01:35:06 UTC |
He brought Harry to keep him entertained, as he often does.
(parent)| spiderine @ May 2 2004, 01:35:31 UTC |
and Goyle could only count to nineteen due to an unfortunate accident which had deprived him of toe
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 01:36:53 UTC |
Gosh, it's tough being evil, he thought; how was he to suitably distract his not-so-intelligent minions from secret meetings they weren't invited to (and simultaneously relieve his bladder) when he himself was far too intelligent to think of a distraction suitable for an imbecile like Crabbe? He would just have to hope Crabbe and Goyle drowned in their own drool.
(parent)| thedaytheystop @ May 2 2004, 01:41:57 UTC |
Draco sent Harry back to take care of the cans with a quick admonishment to behave, and then continued on his way to the washroom. He would have to go without entertainment for the moment; the placement of aluminum in the proper receptacles was a far more pressing need.
(parent)| moocow1985 @ May 2 2004, 01:43:09 UTC |
But more pressing was his need to place all the soda he had drunk in its proper recepticle.
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 01:50:41 UTC |
I have quite the cunning wit, he thought, as he finally found relief.
(parent) |
onewallaway @ May 2 2004, 01:53:08 UTC |
"Harry shall never suspect that I only keep him around simply because he can count, while my minions cannot."
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 01:55:41 UTC |
Counting, of course, was a very important part of being evil. There were so many things to count: dead bodies, estates owned, and the amount of money one raised at one's yearly Bake Sale For Evil.
(parent)| moocow1985 @ May 2 2004, 01:56:43 UTC |
Of course, he could never tell Harry what exactly the bake sale was for, but the boy seemed to enjoy counting the profits anyway.
(parent) |
onewallaway @ May 2 2004, 01:58:08 UTC |
He quickly exited the bathroom, casting a menacing glare at Crabbe and Goyle, who were sitting in a corner of the common room throwing grapes at each other.
(parent) |
adolfa @ May 2 2004, 01:59:13 UTC |
Draco, only being able to count to twelve himself (number of buttons on his favorite jacket), didn't see what all the fuss was about. The unwashed masses did have such fun divvying up coins and whatnot!
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 02:01:18 UTC |
One could enjoy just about anything -- like throwing grapes at each other -- when one had eaten far too many sinfully rich Evil Brownies.
(parent)| thedaytheystop @ May 2 2004, 02:03:38 UTC |
Draco's bake sales had always contained S.E.B.s, as had his father's, and his father's father's---legend had it they were concocted by Rowena Ravenclaw to lure Slytherin to her bed.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:04:28 UTC |
Of which were topped with caramel fudge and contained teeth-cracking whole macadamias. He suspected it was a plot to kill him.
(parent)| moocow1985 @ May 2 2004, 02:06:00 UTC |
This paranoia was not helped by his allergy to macadamias. Eating them made his face blotchy and his ears itch.
(parent)| akutenshi2007 @ May 2 2004, 02:07:11 UTC |
Really, what could an evil bakesale mastermind do with a blotchy face and itchy ears?
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:07:32 UTC |
Which, since he was a Malfoy, could not do at all. Malfoys were known to have perfect, porcelain skin, and this allergy was a stain upon the Malfoy name.
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 02:10:02 UTC |
And porcelain skin is as universally appealing as his brownies--the better to lure folks into evil traps.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:11:35 UTC |
In which traps he could have his wicked Slytherinish Malfoy way with them and have them admire his perfect beauty and wax wroth over their own comparative ugliness. Because, really, who would not want to be a Malfoy?
(parent) |
onewallaway @ May 2 2004, 02:06:56 UTC |
Draco sometimes suspected the brownies were part of his universal appeal.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:09:06 UTC |
Being that he was the proverbial white chocolate drizzled on the top and as such, was really quite tasty, when it came to it.
If he had been made of chocolate, that is. Or edible. And Malfoys were never edible.
| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:13:54 UTC |
Well, of course! They were the cream of the wizarding world, and cream complemented their complexions beautifully. And made them even tastier, of course. *winkwink*
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 02:14:20 UTC |
Which is why they were often distracted from their evil meetings-- which Draco now remembered he was heading to, and so left Harry to supervise Crabbe and Goyle's grape war, collected the Evil Bake Sale Money, and turned back up the corridor from which he came.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:15:35 UTC |
He heard sounds from behind a door that sounded suspiciously like moaning. He decided to investigate, but what he saw scorched his poor, horrified eyes.
(parent)| akutenshi2007 @ May 2 2004, 02:23:03 UTC |
She was doing more than just warming Pansy's feet.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:24:07 UTC |
He could not believe that one of his best female groupies had something as... common as a foot fetish.
(parent) |
chez_caillou @ May 2 2004, 02:28:25 UTC |
Though, he hated to admit, Potter did have nice feet. But that was beside the point.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:29:43 UTC |
Yes. Very much beside the point.
"...Pansy! I thought the only one that you groupied was me! I am your Dark-Lord-in-training!" He pouted. It seemed to be the only thing to do.
| eponis @ May 2 2004, 02:30:29 UTC |
So beside the point, in fact, that a full minute had passed before Pansy finally said, "Draco darling, are you all right?"
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:33:03 UTC |
"NO!" He bawled, looking about three years old. "You're supposed to fall in love with Crabbe and have his pricelessly ugly babies! And then I'm supposed to.. to.." He paused, stunned.
"WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?"
| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:36:20 UTC |
"What's wrong with it, Draco darling? Milly said it looked good on me." Draco was horrified.
Pansy had truly sunk lower than the low.
| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:38:58 UTC |
"...You gave them to me when we were children, darling!" Draco recoiled from the horror.
(parent) |
chez_caillou @ May 2 2004, 02:40:54 UTC |
"As a joke! I didn't mean for you to wear Gryffindor socks!"
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:42:44 UTC |
"But, but, darling! It looks so beautiful on my three-B magically inflated cup breasts!"
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chez_caillou @ May 2 2004, 02:48:23 UTC |
Draco decided it was as good a time as any to pass out.
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lonelyspade @ May 2 2004, 02:55:37 UTC |
When he finally woke up, it was morning, and he was in a pile of hay.
(parent) |
lonelyspade @ May 2 2004, 02:57:43 UTC |
Harry stepped out from behind a large bushel.
"You sounded pretty serious."
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chez_caillou @ May 2 2004, 03:02:04 UTC |
"Potter?!" Draco sputtered. "Wait a minute... where is my shirt?"
(parent) |
chez_caillou @ May 2 2004, 03:10:08 UTC |
"WHAT?!" was Draco's horrified reply. "What happened?"
Harry grinned. "That's a good question."
| xnera @ May 2 2004, 04:14:11 UTC |
"So is the nature of evil," Draco shot back. "Just give me a straight answer, Potter. What the fuck happened?"
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 04:18:02 UTC |
"Well," Potter said with an evil smirk, "that depends on how good you promise to be."
(parent)| xnera @ May 2 2004, 04:54:09 UTC |
Draco fell back on the hay. "You should know by now I don't make promises I can't keep," he said, staring at the ceiling.
(parent)| akutenshi2007 @ May 2 2004, 05:00:36 UTC |
Harry plopped down beside him. Suddenly serious, Draco asked again "What really did happen?"
(parent)| vassilissa @ May 2 2004, 02:36:15 UTC |
"Gorgeous, isn't it?" Pansy said, tugging at a strap.
(parent)| lindra @ May 2 2004, 02:40:14 UTC |
Draco sputtered. "I thought you had taste, Pansy! That was last year's Armani haute coture collection!"
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hezzabeth @ May 2 2004, 09:31:03 UTC |
"It's interesting to note that as a pure blood wizard you seem to be able to recognise a muggle designer Draco" Harry pointed out flicking straw out of his hair.
(parent)