| danibennett @ 2004-06-28 17:04:00 |
(no title)
Mood: 
numb
I haven't posted in here in what feels like forever, but in light of recent events, I felt like I had to say something...
It is astounding to me the effect that 
lupercus's death has had on everyone, myself included. I hadn't been following NA as avidly as I once did, due to its tendency to become all-consuming and take over my life, but every once in awhile I checked in with lupercus, jadedsirius and just_harry, because the family dynamic made me laugh, or occasionally wibble.
Recently, I'd been getting back into the game, howling over Ron chopping off his hand and such. This post is probably a brilliant illustration of why I loved Remus. His interactions with Harry were touching, snarky and laugh-your-ass-off funny all at once. He was an amazing father figure/role model for Harry, and Seamus as well. The friendship between him and seamus_f made me so happy.
And now he's gone. Forever. I'm reluctant to make a post like this at all, considering that I'll likely find it cripplingly embarassing down the road, and overly sentimental, but I have to, because it was lupercus and I loved him.
I think it's amazing that his player could have had such a huge impact on so many people. That he or she could effect me so heavily, and it's a fictional fictional character. It's not even the real bloody fictional character, try explaining that one to your friends. In some ways though, lupercus was more real than Lupin [who is my favorite canon character, and if he dies, then you will know what Danielle sounds like in cataclysmic meltdown mode]. NA!Lupin had layers that canon!Lupin didn't, couldn't have because the stories are told from Harry's point of view. After OotP, it was 
nocturne_alley's Remus and Sirius that kept me going. I clung to their relationship like grim death in those first few weeks of denial, and it kept me from brooding morbidly on Sirius's death [well, mostly].
People should not have to take Provincials under this kind of duress ;) I made the mistake of soaking up everything at nraged before leaving to write my History provincial this morning. I thought I was pretty okay, until I hit the documentation question and the General's name was Lucius Clay. And then all I could think about was Sirius's last post, about Remus laughing and crying at the same time.
Then all I saw was Remus and then I heard Lucius say the words and there was green light and then Remus fell.
He was always worried about living forever because he didn't want to outlive us.
Harry's awake now. I told him about Remus and he said we have to go Amsterdam like we were going to. He kept saying it over and over that we have to go to the Jordaan in Amsterdam and then he said he wanted to see him and then he started to cry and I don't think I can write in here anymore right now
I started crying in the middle of my Provincial exam. In the middle of a bloody exam. I can't give the players of this game any higher compliment than that really-- that they've hit me so hard with this game they play.
I find Remus's last words poignant to an almost cruel degree. I need to go away now, for fear of making a complete asshat of myself.
Thank you nocturne_alley, for the past 14 months.
I might have to download AIM strictly for wibblechat.
Comments:
| xnera @ June 29 2004, 02:29:19 UTC |
Damn allergies. *rubs eyes*
That was lovely. Don't feel embarrassed to post this. Alot of us were affected dramatically by this game, and yes, it is a testament to the writing strength of the players. I'm glad you shared.
| danibennett @ June 29 2004, 06:39:45 UTC |
It's actually very relieving to know that so many people were hit so hard, and that I'm not the only one getting too into the game or something.
I'm glad you liked it. It means a lot to me that I have people to sympathize with...so thanks :)
The players, oh wow. They are amazing, all you need to do is read the last 20 entries or so of nraged to see just how amazing-- I mean people are bawling-their-eyes-out-upset over this. It's very cool, in a way, to be part of it.
*hands you a tissue*
| danibennett @ June 29 2004, 06:41:20 UTC |
Well, thank you!
The icon is by _kissyfish, who actually has quite the set of lovely NA memorial-type icons up at her eljay.
| lilychick @ June 29 2004, 05:34:20 UTC |
That was lovely. Don't be embarrassed. (*hugs you even though I am a total stranger*)
(parent)| danibennett @ June 29 2004, 06:35:40 UTC |
Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it.
*hugs back, because hugs are so needed* :)
| raincreature @ June 29 2004, 06:56:37 UTC |
Hi, I like you. I'm friending you, because we're icon twins and we share an affinity for Moony n' Padfoot.
Thank you for this.
| danibennett @ June 30 2004, 18:02:59 UTC |
Hello!
I'm friending you back, because your layout makes me insanely happy. Remus/Sirius might actually be considered an 'obsession' with me...but we don't talk about that. :D
I'm glad you liked it. *sniffles*
| evieangelique @ June 29 2004, 07:20:50 UTC |
You know how much I love this and love you already. <3333333333
I was going to post something similar to this on my own LJ but you've phrased it better than I ever could have.
Vale, lupercus.
| danibennett @ June 30 2004, 18:05:57 UTC |
*touched*
I wasn't going to say anything at all, because it feels as though everyone's said it better. But then I sat down to update and well...it rather wrote itself.
I loff you too. <33333 *cries quietly*
 |
Anonymous @ June 29 2004, 07:49:26 UTC |
You live in BC too?! And I had provincials too. :/ I totally understand and emphasize, since everybody eles here seemed to be finished with their finals, and here I was, wibbling over N_A, with nobody in real life to explain to why I was so sad.
(parent)| danibennett @ June 30 2004, 18:09:14 UTC |
It is very hard to study when you're so completely distracted. And then if you have no one who follows the game in real life...it can be really awful because you're all alone.
w00t for BC. :D