SAVE THE BUNNIESTORTURE THE HOMELESS!
Every year, pharmaceutical, medical, and beauty products companies subject thousands of little fuzzy
bunny rabbits to cruel tests. This "research" is supposedly scientific, generating "data" about make-up,
cancer, AIDS, heart disease, Alzheimer's, and herpes. Human diseases that mean nothing to bouncy bunny
rabbits. These poor bunnies are routinely probed, skinned, battered, beaten, flayed, gouged, pricked,
boiled, and dissected. I ask you, kind friend, if the world runs out of bunnies, who will suffer? The
children. Our adorable, innocent children. Who will deliver them chocolate eggs and jelly beans? Well, t
hat's not going to happen. Because we at AMD wish to offer an alternative form of testing, thus saving
our cotton-tailed friends: torture the homeless.
Yes, these human vermin are ripe for harvest: they are easy to trap, preferring snack cakes and grape
soda as bait. We at the A.D.M. have conducted various internal experiments concerning this solution, and acquired a
number of dangerous vagrants. Code named "Operation: Nasty Parasites," this initiative was heavily
documented and recorded. The homeless are often filthy, disgusting, and stupid, which means they are
easy to subdue and fatten. Once shaved, tagged, and disoriented, they are ready for testing and prove
just as responsive as bunnies. From oven cleaner poured into propped-over eyes, to flooding the
subject's bowels with five gallons of hand moisturizing dish detergent, each homeless subject responded satisfactorily.
We also show more mercy and compassion than the cruel corporate slaughterhouses that keep the bunnies
in cages and serve them unwashed carrots. After each testing session, we provide each subject with an
inflatable mattress and access to an all-you-can-eat salad bar, certainly more than they deserve.
Surely this alternative presents itself as a victory to both sides of this fence: animal rights
operatives save bunnies and the Carnivorous-Industrial Complex gets save tax dollars and gain a fresh
supply of meat to test the lipstick that greases their fat, corrupt lips. Members of government-supported
PETA protest the companies, but their protesting is a ruse. These weak-willed pork lickers are not
concerned with saving little critters; instead they crave the enslavement of all meat, increasing their
soybean investments. PETA does not possess the will to take matters into their own hands
But AMD is there for Mister Floppy Ears, researching new ways to stem the world's insatiable appetite for
animal research. Our data has been processed and the report is ready to be mailed to members of the USDA,
FDA, AMADA, and the UN and we expect a swift response. But we need your help with this matter! Before we
expose the establishment to our cause to end bunny rabbit suffering by performing medical research upon
human trash, we need YOU to sign a petition. After we collect enough signatures,
We will reveal ourselves as the true champions of Mother Nature. With each signature, we will assign
you an adorable adopted bunny rabbit, like Boggles or Captain Jingles, and we will update you as to
how he/or she is doing. Please give us your support...
- J. Devore
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